To be upset she changed her mind?

[Primgo]

I'm really confused over if I'm being completely unreasonable to be upset about this.

I basically got into quite bad financial trouble because I owned my own business for many years but got seriously ill and went out of business while I was ill.

I ended up unable to pay rent etc so I have been staying with people for about a year.

All this was very hard to cope with. I'd always done well and losing everything while being so ill was hard and I still feel completely depressed all the time.

To cut a very long story short, my sister (very happily) agreed to help me out by being a guarantaur on a loan to help me sort out the various problems.

Not a huge loan by her standards as she's very wealthy.

On the day due to sign the papers, she changed her mind.

I'd arranged everything around the understanding she was doing this and now I'm completely screwed and whatever problems I had before are now 10 x worse.

I wish she'd just said no to begin with rather than waiting until the day to do it.

She wasn't apologetic, she was sort of mean about it. Judgemental. And I just feel incredibly let down.

Am I being unreasonable here? I know nobody owes you to guarantee a loan, but I just feel absolutely bereft and panicked.

I agree with others that there was something in contract which made her change her mind.
And something changed in her life

Getting yourself into more debt is never the solution. As a pp said the guarantor is needed because bank probably isn’t confident that op can afford the loan.

sis could bail her out but as someone who was once in op’s position, I don’t think that’s the solution. Op needs professional help with consolidating debt and coming up with a payment plan. It will put her in a stronger position moving forward.

it doesn’t help op to make this into a moral issue and blame her situation on her sister.

I agree. Borrowing money to pay back people you’ve already borrowed from is not a good idea. Where does it then end? You need professional debt advice not taking out loans to pay back their loans

This is so sad. On that salary I would gift that amount to one of my siblings, not expecting a penny back. I’d be delighted to and would expect the same back if I myself ever needed. Even if it meant I had to go without some luxuries I’d do it in a heartbeat for my sister or brother. OP, I know that doesn’t help you, but I don’t think your deal was unreasonable in the slightest.

Agree with practical advice to contact DD’s uni. Can you make a repayment plan with friend buying house? Can you find ways to
make extra money? Dog sitting/walking after work, rent parking space etc.

Yes, I've been there where family members assume you're a lot wealthier than you are. In my case, childless family members who have no idea what expenses come with family.

I think sister read the contract and it wasn't what she expected, so she wasn't prepared to take the risk.

This was my thought too. OPs friend may well feel her promise to be paid back is empty too because it was a loan and OP cannot now pay it back when she needs it for a house.

This all seems like one big emotional entanglement with multiple people feeling let down. You need to get proper debt advice from an independent advisor.

OP I didn’t mean to sound harsh but I think most of us are struggling to understand what illness would mean you were out of work for a whole two years. Surely your business had insurance to cover illness as well as your life insurance usually covers serious illness. So it sounds like your sister is wary because you are very money savvy to not have made sure you were fully protected before opening your own business.
In terms of uni accommodation, that’s what student loans are for.
I still find it hard to believe your sister earns £220k.
But regardless of that, you’ve been given some good advice on here. Don’t get in more debt. Work hard and pay off the debts you have.

Really upsetting turnaround by your sister, and of course you are pole axed by it.

But, focussing on that will not help you out now.

Get debt advice. Step change or that Christian debt support organisation that have a really good reputation.

Also, presumably your Dd will be on a full loan due to your low income. Talk to the Uni support service. Do they give bursaries to low income / full loan students?

Does your Dd have god parents who could cash flow her deposit until her loan comes through?

You have had horrible times OP, I hope you can get this sorted.

I’m really sorry - it sounds so stressful. Your sisters is an arsehole. And yes, you do sound lovely.

How awful, she should have told you that she was a bit shaky on the idea.
I personally would never be a guarantor for anyone, especially after seeing one of the Sherriffs are coming, and a mum and dad lost their house after being a guarantor for their daughter.
I hope you can get something sorted out soon.

Sorry OP, your sister sounds cruel. She has a right to change her mind but not that short notice and then be cruel about it. You’ll know what to do when she wants your help. Good luck 😉

This.

She was "teaching you a lesson".

You can never trust her again.

I hope you get your money sorted op. There will be other solutions.

I think your sister has looked at your past and current financial dealings and realised what a risk being your guarantor would be.

your business went bust
you couldn’t pay your rent
you have been living rent free with other people for a year and still can’t get your financial ducks in a row.

If she acts as your guarantor she perhaps risks messing up her own credit score when things go belly up, which they will as it sounds as if you aren’t well enough to run a successful business.

I expect she could afford to give you the money, but maybe she would rather give it to a charity than watch you waste it.

Be realistic, get a paid job and sort out your personal finances before you risk other peoples money on your pipedream.

I understand you actually approached your sister and asked for the loan? I find that generally people don’t like that. Maybe the situation would have been different if she had offered when she knew you were struggling. Then it would have been her decision.

i am the higher earning childless sibling in my family. I help out all the time - pay for tutors and hobbies and little extras. It’s not a loan - I love my nieces and nephews and can easily afford to contribute.

in this circumstance it wouldn’t have gotten to this stage because I would have stepped in earlier and paid the university expenses for my niece and helped out with living expenses while my sister was ill. There would be no loan from a friend.

u wouldn’t provide a guarantee for what is probably an expensive loan / I would gift the money.

but families are different. Sorry OP your sister takes this approach.

Neither of the debts you mention are priority debts - I wouldn't have offered a guarantorship either until after you'd been to CAB et al to sort out clear repayment plans to all creditors. (And I have lent my sister a few grand in the past to sort out her debts - it did turn into a gift, which was always my plan, but I didn't tell her that, just that she could pay me last after everyone else and it was then a surprise for having been so diligent about sorting things out.)

shes probably worried about her credit rating , or maybe her husband got in her ear
you should’ve asked her to loan you personally with abit of interest on top
now the only thing you can do is get any benefits you can get and pay those people back in instalments
or you can swallow your pride and ask your sister one more time, explain to her that you are desperate and you will pay her back

Her daughters university accommodation would be a priority for me. I would just pay this for my sister and niece. Without hesitation.

Could you perhaps write your sister a message or have a chat explaining that you understand her not wanting to act as guarantor or lend you the money but the money was not for frivolous reasons, for yourself, but for others and by withdrawing her consent has placed you and them in a terrible position. You tell her this not to make her feel bad but you hope she understands how you feel. Maybe she’ll change her mind?

Practically I would contact the Uni burser and explain the position you are in. Tell the truth and hopefully they will offer a repayment scheme you can manage. Your friend, pay what you can now, even a couple of hundred pounds to show good faith and then look into any benefits you may be entitled to, or look at getting a second job and hand over the wages straight away. Good luck OP

I don't have nieces and nephews but I've offered family help with airfares and accommodation. I'm fully supporting a grown child with serious illness who can't earn enough to support themselves. I support a lot of animals who have been let down by humans.

I've heard a lawyer described a guarantor as an idiot with a pen. After someone called to find out if their being guarantor meant they had to pay when someone didn't. Yes, they did.

I weigh each situation and decide what to contribute and what I can manage. If someone asked me to be guarantor and I agreed, then gave me a contract that had a lot more fees and risks than I was aware of when I agreed to it, I wouldn't feel bad backing out if it jepordised my own financial well being, and that of my family.

Sorry but you sound as though you think yoh are entitled tk her being your guarantor. I suspect she saw other MN threads or articles about not being a guarantor for other people. We won't even be a guarantor for our own kids tenancies at uni and pay upfront because of the risks involved.

She may have said yes when you guilt tripped her but then having investigated further or chatted to someone else realised the risk to herself especially as this was a loan to pay off debt! Debt for a debt. Why would she want to take that risk because in this case you could walk away and leave her to pay. The fact that you keep saying how well off she is makes me think you would actually do that and think nothing of doing so.

She earns a monumental amount of money and could easily help you out. As you say, it wasn't your fault you were ill! What a tight-fisted miser!

She's allowed to be though. It's her money. No-one is entitled to someone else's money.

Perhaps your sister would be thankful and not take the pass. Perhaps OP's sister thinks this isn't the case.

This is what it comes down to.