To be upset she changed her mind?

[Primgo]

I'm really confused over if I'm being completely unreasonable to be upset about this.

I basically got into quite bad financial trouble because I owned my own business for many years but got seriously ill and went out of business while I was ill.

I ended up unable to pay rent etc so I have been staying with people for about a year.

All this was very hard to cope with. I'd always done well and losing everything while being so ill was hard and I still feel completely depressed all the time.

To cut a very long story short, my sister (very happily) agreed to help me out by being a guarantaur on a loan to help me sort out the various problems.

Not a huge loan by her standards as she's very wealthy.

On the day due to sign the papers, she changed her mind.

I'd arranged everything around the understanding she was doing this and now I'm completely screwed and whatever problems I had before are now 10 x worse.

I wish she'd just said no to begin with rather than waiting until the day to do it.

She wasn't apologetic, she was sort of mean about it. Judgemental. And I just feel incredibly let down.

Am I being unreasonable here? I know nobody owes you to guarantee a loan, but I just feel absolutely bereft and panicked.

I can see that being a guarantor for a loan could feel quite precarious especially as I can imagine it has a high APR.

Can you message your sister & ask her to lend you the money for DD’s accommodation? If I had the funds I would sooner do that than sign my name to something I had no control over.

Yanbu. She should not have said yes if she wasn't absolutely sure. Having said yes she should have told you the minute she changed her mind.

You describe your sister as wealthy. 30,000 in the bank is not wealthy. She has her own financial problems. We all do. Can you come to some arrangement with your debtors? I know it is a tough thing to do and you would have to swallow your pride but have you actually asked your sis to lend you some/ all of the money herself? Apologies if you have already addressed this. I haven’t rtft. Be prepared for a no but you have nothing to lose and at this point have to pursue all legal solutions you can think of. Try not to panic as that will affect your health again. Remember that your. Sis has the right to make any decision she chooses try to just shrug off any perceived judgement and keep moving forward.

@Siouxiesiouxiesioux maybe you should read the thread.

Not a huge loan by her standards as she's very wealthy.

^^ sorry but this attitude alone would put me off lending something to you or providing a guarantee.

Hi OP, I agree your DS has put you in a precarious situ, what an awful thing to do.

I'm glad you're better and back in work and now have a roof over your head too. Well done.

But what a predicament. £6500 is not a lot of money, but it's a fortune if you owe it out and don't have it.

Talk to uni accomodation and see if there is an alternative option due to your situ - if there isnt your DD may need to live elsewhere for a short time (eg standard shared or non uni accomodation), then focus on getting your friends money together. I think your DD is potentially the only route to borrow this.

Once you've sorted yourself out without your DS involvement you can move on.

If your own sibling can't help you out when you've been ill, they're never going to be there for you. Bear it in mind in future.

I would just say to her that the reason you are so sad about it is because you know that if roles were reversed, you wouldn’t hesitate to help her out (and then say - well, in the past anyway!).
I totally understand why you are cross with her - to let you down at the last minute is bad.

I have read all OP’s post and, although most of us would feel as depressed as op, I still think it is unfair to lay all this on her sister. Sister was sent the contract, read it and decided it would place her in a precarious situation and decided not to sign. She had a good reason for doing that: op has form
in not being able to pay off debts.

my sister struggles and I have given her roughly the amount of op’s loan as a gift- no questions asked and she can do what she likes with it. I would rather do that than act as guarantor for a loan with escalating apr. But it is entirely up to OP’s sis what she does with her money. We can judge but so what?

I.expect your sister didn't realise the charges attached to a guarantor loan, they are quite shocking. How much can you pay each month towards these loans? A guarantor requirement suggests your bank thinks you can't actually afford the repayment plan?

Your DD - you shouldn't just be paying without following up to ensure she get a loans and whatever financial support she's entitled to. It's a shame circumstances have changed, but she's an adult and has different (cheaper!) support sources available to her. If you save the money later then she can pay some loans at that point.

Your friend - it's a lot of interest to pay, in order to pay her back. It might be cheaper for her to take a direct loan and you pay her the amount plus interest.

Me too.

I dont think you are being unreasonable.
I make a bit less than than and would gift that amount to my sibling (and i am about to go on mat leave). I am in the help family where you can / without major detriment to yourself camp.

i think what she has done is crappy on two fronts : not doung it AND leaving it so late.
Even if the loan was too much (which i dont think it was AND she was just the guarantor so only potentially on the hook for it) leaving it late and behaving like you are awful rather than apologise suggests you either dont share the same (correct? 😬) values or you arent as close as you thought.

No one owes anyone anything but she is your family and you rhought you could rely on her so yes it was a shitty thing for her to do.
Can anyone else act as a guarantor????

Also if you daughter is at uni does she have high tutoring hours. Mine were always 8-10 per week so i had a full time bar job i worked around uni. I would work fri night and split shifts sat and sun. I did this for my final year as i had no financial support from my parents (they were divorcing and my dad was withholding cash as punishment)

You poor woman.

She waited till the last moment to cause maximum carnage.

The question is why.

That is a very small sum in the scheme of things and I like a lot of people would do it in a heartbeat.

Go guarantor for a morgage or other huge loan, no.

But a £6,500 in these circumstances, absolutely.

I wouldn't ever trust her again.

Are you really surprised?

Have you always had a kind loving reciprocal relationship?

Hard to imagine based on this.

meant to agree with@Oldwobblechops77

Reading all your updates I can see why you're frustrated and while I think she's allowed to change her mind the timing of it is really unhelpful. I also wanted to just say please don't be so hard on yourself. You say you didn't cope well, but you've been seriously ill, lost your business and your home and you're still looking for ways to get back on your feet. I think you should give yourself more credit - you're doing amazingly, even if this isn't the life you thought you'd be living right now 💐

I think your sis is awful for backing out at the last minute. Maybe talk to the uni to see if there are any loans or cheaper accommodation for your DD . I would even consider your DD asking her aunt for a loan , although this would be a last resort.
I'm sure your already doing it but give your friend as much back out of your wages as you possibly can , is overtime / a second job an option or a lodger

YANBU to be upset she pulled out last minute- people shouldnt make promises and then renege on them last moment, its not fair and its shitty behaviour.

YABU to be trying to justify why she ought to be your guarantor by quoting her salary though. It doesnt matter what she earns- she isnt obliged to take on your financial responsibilities and its very possible she has other financial commitments/outgoings you arent aware of. Unless you have seen her bank statements you have no idea what her situation really is. As for claiming that if you defaulted it wouldnt be that much for her to pay back- thats really quite unfair. WTF should she pay back your debts? and it sounds like you are fully expecting to default thus dumping it on her. You need to seek proper debt advice from professionals because getting money from her to pay back money you already owe friends all paints quite an irresponsible financial picture on your part.

She's not wrong to refuse to do it, but she's very wrong to agree and then bail at the last moment so you couldn't find an alternative.

I'd be upset, disappointed and cross as well! Fair enough that she read the contract and then realised it would put her in a difficult position with fees etc but if I'd agreed to help a sibling and I had sufficient savings behind me, I'd apologise and suggest directly loaning the money.
How has she behaved previously toward you?

Why didn’t you send your sister the terms and conditions earlier? You make this sound like some callous last minute decision but it sounds to me like someone reading a contract, realising what they would be letting themself in for and deciding not to sign.

if sis had signed we could well be reading a thread in a couple of months about a woman who acted as guarantor for a loan for a sister despite the weird t&c and who is now lumbered with paying off the loan herself as sis couldn’t keep up with the repayments.

In the background of this story are friends of the op who tried to help her out by loaning her money and who now find themselves struggling because they need that money themselves. The debtors. are piling up. Op keeps borrowing money. Where will it end?

Is there more to this story?

Sounds like you have had a lot of help from others already- staying with friends rent free for a year, a friend giving you a loan whilst you couldnt work- thats more than a lot of people get. I am not saying that to be unkind but it appears like the people in your life have already helped you out a lot and now you expect your sister to take on your debt. What are YOU doing to ease your financial issues, have you sought advice from debt management companies? have you researched what you could do in terms of a budget and perhaps looking into an IVA for example? It just feels like you are expecting a lot from others but really, you need to also need to be looking at how to manage your own finances

Exactly!

I can imagine the OP's relief at finding a solution, feeling so hopeful that she found a way forward, and her sister callously snatched it away last minute.

She should have said no much much earlier. She's made a difficult situation worse, for her own sister. Terrible behaviour.

Surely the problem here is that you only sent her the contract last minute?- why didnt you send it earlier? Its very possible she read it and then realised what she was actually signing up for. You should have sent her the contract with plenty of time to read it properly and ensure she was comfortable with it, thats not unreasonable considering she is the one who would be paying the fees if it went wrong...

Its a lot of money but perfectly possible

It's a very difficult situation but my guess would be she had her own opinions about how your debts should be handled. You've been let down because you made decisions on the assumption people would do as they promised.
Isn't that what happened to your friend though, the on you borrowed money from? She's in the middle of a house purchase and relying on the money you said you'd pay back!
Presumably your daughter too has made plans for uni, on the assumption that you're going to pay her deposit.
There's a theme here. People are making promises to people they love/care about. Because of the personal relationship everyone's believing each other but you're all letting each other down. You needed a guarantor. Presumably a bank etc wouldn't lend you the money without it. The bank has concluded that you're too much of a risk and aren't prepared to risk being out of pocket....just like your friend is now. It wasn't great your sister leaving it till the last minute, but I understand her reasoning. You were foolish and irresponsible to get your friends hopes up, likewise promising your daughter help then withdrawing it.
Going forward, if you haven't already done so, you need to get some professional debt advice.

This sounds so horrible and mean of your sister. I'm so sorry you are in this situation. I would never do this to anyone let alone my sister. If I knew you personally I would be your guarantor myself - you sound lovely. So sorry and hope you find a solution x