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Original poster

What would you think if this happened to you?

368 replies

Paintedrockk · 28/07/2023 20:02

Just curious.

Ten years ago when I was in secondary school I was seeing this guy and I was head over heels for him but he never committed. Was just young and naive at the time

Two years after we left school we started seeing each other again but just for sex and chilling together, again he wouldn’t commit, he felt a bit used at the time as I really did like him and my feelings never really went away

He then got into a relationship with somebody straight after ending things with us hooking up and I felt hurt about it as he never committed to me or made things official and I felt a bit used

Fast forward to now they split about 6 months ago and he is contacting me asking how I’ve been saying long time no speak stranger etc. what would you do?

OP posts:
DoubleTime · 31/07/2023 07:35

Hi OP,
I don't think you should block him, his messages will tell you what you need to know just don't reply. Let him wonder what you are doing, surprise him by not responding.
7 years was too long to stay with someone if he really thought it was a mistake and he should have still been with you, he's had years to do something about it. Yes he knows how much you like him and he is playing you on it, sadly. If you get sucked in then that's more years wasted for you and won't you feel the idiot when he does the same again and finds someone else, and I think he will.

MinnieEgg · 31/07/2023 07:35

What you seem to want is for him to say he has feelings for you, that he's always had feelings for you and now he is free to be with you.

But none of his words or his actions are showing that. He clearly lied to you before saying that he wasn't ready for a relationship and he wanted to be friends. Then a week later being in a relationship and not being friends with you at all.

Now he's saying he wished he had contacted you sooner. Does he mean when he was in his six year relationship?

You can come round to his house anytime??? Brilliant.

TarquinOliverNimrod · 31/07/2023 07:35

Insertdeadcatsnamehere · 31/07/2023 06:47

PLEASE don't block. So needlessly dramatic. You may as well tell him you still like him! Just cheerfully tell him you're busy atm and then stop replying. Indifference all the way.

Yes this as well. Don’t block just IGNORE. Like he doesn’t matter enough to you to bother replying or indeed, blocking.

you will thank us in a few months.

Shelby2010 · 31/07/2023 07:37

Just:
’Sorry, my life has moved on, so meeting up wouldn’t be appropriate. But I wish you well.’
Then don’t block but don’t respond any further.

SunnyFrost · 31/07/2023 07:38

‘Oh hi, gosh it has been a while hasn’t it. Things are great with me thanks, I’m super busy though so can’t really see myself fitting in a catch up. Hope things pick up for you soon, all the best’

  • Worded to show you’re great and make it seem like you assume things are shit for him.
  • Don’t respond to any follow up message from him. Too busy and indifferent.
  • Definitely don’t block, makes it look like he’s a big deal to you.
  • DEFINITELY don’t meet him, you absolutely will end up shagging him. The fact you started this thread shows you’re not in a strong enough headspace not to.
LadyLolaRuben · 31/07/2023 07:39

So you're welcome to go to him or to his house? Does that mean that he wants you running around after him? No chance OP hold your ground and keep away. He is no good

Porageeater · 31/07/2023 07:39

Do not fall for the bullshit OP. He will love bomb you to get sex and then hurt you again. I’m certain of it and you mustn’t allow yourself to be manipulated.

DoubleTime · 31/07/2023 07:40

I just re-read your post OP - if he waited 6 months after the split you weren't even first on his list. And it hardly fits with his claim that he made a mistake/wished he had stayed with you etc does it? Don't reply.

IncompleteSenten · 31/07/2023 07:41

You were never someone he chose to be in a relationship with. You think that's changed now?

He wants sex.
And he'll drop you again as soon as he finds someone he wants to be with.

TarquinOliverNimrod · 31/07/2023 07:42

Oh god pls don’t reply with any of the lame ass responses on her 🙄

TarquinOliverNimrod · 31/07/2023 07:43

*here

BezMills · 31/07/2023 07:43

Good chances are you'll be an in-betweener and he'll go onto another LTR, just not with you. It doesn't seem like you're up for that. Another vote for 'no thank you'.

DrSbaitso · 31/07/2023 07:48

He’s also said that I’m welcome to come round to his house whenever I like so I guess that is his real intentions

Yes, it is.

Make your decision based on that knowledge.

Wellthatwasodd · 31/07/2023 07:51

Block. It’s not being ‘dramatic’ it’s setting a boundary and that’s fine. Saying it’s ‘dramatic’ sounds a touch misogynistic to me. Maybe send a ‘No thanks, I’m good’ kind of message first just to explain a bit, but keep it simple.

I’d then be taking myself out. Barbie movie, shopping, nice food, night out with friends etc.

lousyatchoosingnames · 31/07/2023 07:52

He just wants sex, he doesn't want you.

Yahyahs22 · 31/07/2023 08:04

So, I could've written this myself when I was your age..(I'm 32 now). Every time I became single or he became single, I would get the "hello stranger" text. He would never commit despite my feelings.
My experience with this type of guy is they don't and won't change. Don't let him use you

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 31/07/2023 08:11

Option 1:

”I’m good 😊 ” (<= the emoji is optional)

Nothing more, nothing less.

and then ignore. Do not respond, do not block. Just nothing.

Option 2:

Ignore right now. No response, no reaction.

BadNomad · 31/07/2023 08:15

Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 01:41

Hi just thought to update.

He has messaged me again and wanted to know what anybody thinks to this

He says that he made a mistake back then and that he should have stuck by me and that I’ve still been on his mind a lot through out the years and that he’s been wanting to message me for a long time. He says he hopes I will give him a chance and come and see him to catch up. He’s also said that I’m welcome to come round to his house whenever I like so I guess that is his real intentions

He's thought about you a lot but couldn't be arsed to message you once in 7 years? Naaaah. Listen to people. If he was still with his girlfriend, you wouldn't be hearing from him now. He's only contacting you because he's single and horny. You've always been just a fuck buddy to him. If you message him back make it to say goodbye and good luck. Stop wasting headspace on this fuckboy.

Hibiscrubbed · 31/07/2023 08:18

Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 01:41

Hi just thought to update.

He has messaged me again and wanted to know what anybody thinks to this

He says that he made a mistake back then and that he should have stuck by me and that I’ve still been on his mind a lot through out the years and that he’s been wanting to message me for a long time. He says he hopes I will give him a chance and come and see him to catch up. He’s also said that I’m welcome to come round to his house whenever I like so I guess that is his real intentions

All he’s doing is upping the ante, trying to lure you back in to be his stopgap shag again.

He used you then. He was more than aware you had low self esteem and that you liked him more than he liked you (he probably didn’t even respect you) but he got a kick out of how keen you were. You’ve resisted this time round so he’s turned it up to 11 to try to lure you back in.

That’s it. He doesn’t know you anymore.

Laugh in his face, ignore him, and move on. Grow up and away from this juvenile school dalliance.

JenWillsiam · 31/07/2023 08:27

I wouldn’t go near him.

Original poster
Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 08:27

Thank you everyone. I really think he thinks I will just run back to him after all this time so he must have known how much I liked him

the second time we were meeting up he’d cuddle and kiss me id stay over at his and he would cook me dinner and I remember thinking to myself maybe it will become something more but it went on for over a year and then he just dropped me like it was nothing to him whereas I had strong feelings for him at that point, I think what hurt me the most is him saying the reason is that he isn’t ready to be in a relationship and then very soon after he is in one with somebody else

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 31/07/2023 08:29

Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 08:27

Thank you everyone. I really think he thinks I will just run back to him after all this time so he must have known how much I liked him

the second time we were meeting up he’d cuddle and kiss me id stay over at his and he would cook me dinner and I remember thinking to myself maybe it will become something more but it went on for over a year and then he just dropped me like it was nothing to him whereas I had strong feelings for him at that point, I think what hurt me the most is him saying the reason is that he isn’t ready to be in a relationship and then very soon after he is in one with somebody else

He isn't the person you're in love with. That person isn't real. He's a construction.

Let that person go...he's a mirage. There are real people out there who can love you.

PinkPinaColada · 31/07/2023 08:29

Avoid, he's only after one thing.

Dillane · 31/07/2023 08:36

WunWun · 28/07/2023 20:05

Ignore it or politely decline. He won't have changed and is probably hoping for a hookup again.

Don’t bother being ‘polite’

CrackSpackle · 31/07/2023 08:38

My husband was dating a woman before we met and he wouldn't commit to her as he "wasn't ready for a relationship". Then we met and miraculously, he discovered he was. The other woman was lovely, she just want the one he could see himself with long term. There's nothing wrong with you OP, you just aren't "the one" for him. Don't let him, in his rebound phase, reel you back in as his "in between relationships" easy hookup. Or if you aren't convinced, date him, but zero sex and see how long it lasts.

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