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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What would you think if this happened to you?

368 replies

Paintedrockk · 28/07/2023 20:02

Just curious.

Ten years ago when I was in secondary school I was seeing this guy and I was head over heels for him but he never committed. Was just young and naive at the time

Two years after we left school we started seeing each other again but just for sex and chilling together, again he wouldn’t commit, he felt a bit used at the time as I really did like him and my feelings never really went away

He then got into a relationship with somebody straight after ending things with us hooking up and I felt hurt about it as he never committed to me or made things official and I felt a bit used

Fast forward to now they split about 6 months ago and he is contacting me asking how I’ve been saying long time no speak stranger etc. what would you do?

OP posts:
BrookNoRivals · 03/08/2023 06:23

A wise man once said, “fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again”.

Ignore him. If you can’t do that, block him. He’s shown you repeatedly that all he wants is sex and, as that’s not all you want, this one isn’t for you. There’s literally millions of men out there- don’t give any more headspace to this one who’s repeatedly shown you who he is.

Charliec12 · 03/08/2023 06:56

ThatFraggle · 02/08/2023 01:30

OP is enjoying the attention from this thread, and the attention from the guy who wants to pump and dump.

That's why she doesn't just block the number like a normal person.

Find one of the billion other people on this planet (or in the international space station) who will actually have respect for you.

Harsh she came here for advice.

ThatFraggle · 03/08/2023 07:12

Charliec12 · 03/08/2023 06:56

Harsh she came here for advice.

She gets advice: Stop contacting him, he is just using you. Block his number.

She ignores it.

OP: ok, he's just sent another message and it said. Xyz.

Everyone: block, he's just using you.

OP: And here's a new message! What should I do?

Everyone: block and delete.

OP: whatever shall I do about this new, latest message.

Hibiscrubbed · 03/08/2023 07:23

Jesus. He’s a manipulative twat, isn’t he? He’s gagging for a shag, thinks you’re a reliable one, and is really trying to coerce you into it.

What a chump. Well done for not replying.

Hiddenvoice · 03/08/2023 07:25

You’ve done the right thing ignoring him, I wouldn’t bother replying. You need to put yourself first and if he is causing you to be upset then there’s no need for him to be in your life.

It also shows you what type of person he is that he wanted you to message when he had a partner meaning he would probably cheat too.

Charliec12 · 03/08/2023 07:52

ThatFraggle · 03/08/2023 07:12

She gets advice: Stop contacting him, he is just using you. Block his number.

She ignores it.

OP: ok, he's just sent another message and it said. Xyz.

Everyone: block, he's just using you.

OP: And here's a new message! What should I do?

Everyone: block and delete.

OP: whatever shall I do about this new, latest message.

I wouldn’t say she is enjoying the attention though.

supersop60 · 03/08/2023 08:08

BrookNoRivals · 03/08/2023 06:23

A wise man once said, “fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again”.

Ignore him. If you can’t do that, block him. He’s shown you repeatedly that all he wants is sex and, as that’s not all you want, this one isn’t for you. There’s literally millions of men out there- don’t give any more headspace to this one who’s repeatedly shown you who he is.

Almost.
Fool me once - shame on you.
Fool me twice - shame on me.

Imblueeee · 03/08/2023 09:51

Just no. If you value yourself and your worth then STAY AWAY

Cherrysoup · 03/08/2023 10:14

Man, he’s an arsehole. What a bloody cheek he has, thinking you’ll fall at his feet! Block, ignore, he’s told you he doesn’t want a relationship, just a booty call when feels like it. You’re worth more!

Cactusmad · 03/08/2023 10:23

I get the op is processing this event , it came out of the blue . Block him then get on with the rest of your life as if he hadn’t contacted you. You may find further down the line talk of him contacting others at same time. Focus on anything else , it will pass .

IncompleteSenten · 03/08/2023 10:35

Why on earth have you not blocked him?

MevBrown · 03/08/2023 12:10

You need to see things from his perspective.
'nough said??

supersop60 · 03/08/2023 12:46

BrookNoRivals · 03/08/2023 08:22

It’s a George Bush quote 😂

Ha ha. Never seen that before!
True for the OP either way.

stacyvaron · 03/08/2023 16:48

You know what he wants. Be an adult, decide what you want and own it. No need for a big drama. If you want a casual, occasional hang out - booty call, then go for it. If not, tell him "been there, done that, not what I'm looking for."

daisychain01 · 03/08/2023 17:24

Cactusmad · 03/08/2023 10:23

I get the op is processing this event , it came out of the blue . Block him then get on with the rest of your life as if he hadn’t contacted you. You may find further down the line talk of him contacting others at same time. Focus on anything else , it will pass .

We've already done all the processing for the OP, no effort required, other than the OP deciding if she (a) wants to be reeled in on a fishing line to be dumped back in the river the following morning, or (b) to tell him loud and clear once and for all, to sling his hook (pun intended) and stop clogging up her phone with his spam rubbish messages, stop wasting her time, because she's moved on from him big time.

DoubleTime · 03/08/2023 20:03

He read it (correctly) as interest because you answered OP. So to make your answer loud and clear now, and earn some respect from him, you need to block him from all your social media and your mobile.

Lindyloo23 · 04/08/2023 09:50

Exactly. You’ve clearly answered him because he ‘keeps messaging’ which means you already messaged him despite what everyone said. Can’t you see OP that by answering him he thinks he’s in with a chance. The more you message back the more of a signal you are giving him.
if you’re doing it to make your self feel good, go ahead.
i think you will meet him because you desperately want to.
you will sleep with him because you desperately want to because you want to believe he’s changed, will fall in love with you and has changed.
But he hasn’t.
But at the end of the day you know we are all right and he will dump you again.
You will feel rejected, hurt, used etc etc.
But I have a feeling it’s all falling on deaf ears………..

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