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Original poster

What would you think if this happened to you?

368 replies

Paintedrockk · 28/07/2023 20:02

Just curious.

Ten years ago when I was in secondary school I was seeing this guy and I was head over heels for him but he never committed. Was just young and naive at the time

Two years after we left school we started seeing each other again but just for sex and chilling together, again he wouldn’t commit, he felt a bit used at the time as I really did like him and my feelings never really went away

He then got into a relationship with somebody straight after ending things with us hooking up and I felt hurt about it as he never committed to me or made things official and I felt a bit used

Fast forward to now they split about 6 months ago and he is contacting me asking how I’ve been saying long time no speak stranger etc. what would you do?

OP posts:
AmilyChestnut · 31/07/2023 08:38

Even if he has realised he made a mistake back then, do you really want to be with someone who is just now deciding you are good enough, after exhausting all other possibilities?

He likely wants a blast from the past and a bit of fun. I have had a few contacts like this over the years, and even if I was single I wouldn't ever go back. I was hurt then, no chance to hurt me again, I'm better than that and so are you OP

2PintsOfCidernaBagofCrisps · 31/07/2023 08:40

Sounds like the plot of 'Normal People'.

Hiddenvoice · 31/07/2023 08:40

If I’m honest op I’d find it hard not to reply to him. I feel like I would put him in his place. I’d tell him how invested you were and how much pain he caused you. Id then point out that you’ve moved on and are very happy.

He’s currently feeling unhappy but he’s the type of person who doesn’t like to be alone. He’s sadly using you as a filler. I really don’t want to upset you but he doesn’t see you as the main relationship type of girl but the type of girl he’s with until he finds someone to settle down with. You deserve so much better than him.

You had genuine feelings for him and he tossed them aside. If he didn’t feel the same then he should never have led you on. If he didn’t feel the same but actually cared for you then he would have been more sympathetic for your feelings.

DontBeGrossTammy · 31/07/2023 09:04

This happened to me a few years ago, I was an idiot and got into a relationship with him thinking that it was the most romantic thing ever/ a triumph of true love/ fate... was it bollocks. Someone who can KNOW how much you liked them and use it to their advantage is not someone worth being in love with, they're just not. It's a really good indicator of a quite horrible, nasty, cruel, selfish character to be honest, and you can do so much better (no matter how hot he is).

@SunnyFrost has the best response, that is chef's kiss perfect lol

FabFitFifties · 31/07/2023 09:14

He hasn't even offered to take you out OP! Come to my house whenever you like 🤮

MrsXx4 · 31/07/2023 09:20

You are good enough to shag but not good enough for a relationship with him. And now he is on the rebound so will only be thinking of himself and no doubt you’re not the only one he has reached out to. Block!!

amusedbush · 31/07/2023 09:22

Ignore him. Don't believe his wistful trip down memory lane and definitely don't meet up with him.

If he wanted a relationship with you back then, he would have made it happen. He didn't do that, and now he is rebounding and giving you the (predictable, completely transparent) "sliding into your DMs" script because he thinks you'll sleep with him.

There's an episode of Sex and the City about this. Miranda says men are like taxis - they're there but they're not available unless their light is on. This guy's light is not on so don't be a placeholder for his next girlfriend.

1993GoToo · 31/07/2023 09:23

FabFitFifties · 31/07/2023 09:14

He hasn't even offered to take you out OP! Come to my house whenever you like 🤮

Probably ask her to bring a bottle too.

Not really the great romantic is he

FarmGirl78 · 31/07/2023 09:34

While I don't have a crystal ball if you go back to him I'd predict you'll end up feeling used again.

LaffTaff · 31/07/2023 09:37

Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 01:41

Hi just thought to update.

He has messaged me again and wanted to know what anybody thinks to this

He says that he made a mistake back then and that he should have stuck by me and that I’ve still been on his mind a lot through out the years and that he’s been wanting to message me for a long time. He says he hopes I will give him a chance and come and see him to catch up. He’s also said that I’m welcome to come round to his house whenever I like so I guess that is his real intentions

He'll just do it again, ie drop you once he's found someone he deems relationship material.
You're worth way more, so ignore his messages - he's not worthy of your time/a reply 🙂

Original poster
Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 09:47

I feel as though he is trying to get in my head a bit as I didn’t respond since and he called me this morning on instagram chat at 8:20am and then said he didn’t mean to call which is fine but he must have been back on the chat to be able to do that

OP posts:
Bananabedhead · 31/07/2023 09:52

For him you were FWB then. Now he's been single 6 months and is horny again and is obviously looking for an easy way to get sex. He knows how you felt, he doesn't care but will use your feelings to get what he wants, sex, before moving on again. As every other reply has said, don't go there, you will just be used again, and it'll hurt more as it will be the second time he has used you.

Kimten · 31/07/2023 09:53

Fuckboy looking for fuck.
Men like him will say and do anything to get laid.
Delete and block.

DisquietintheRanks · 31/07/2023 09:56

So two options here:

  1. He wants his fuck buddy back to boost his ego and keep his bed warm
  1. He realises he is now ready for a relationship with you.

Fwiw I know of exactly one couple where this was the case and they lived happily ever after. And he spent 10 years waiting around for her to be ready.

Unless you are sure that he's the only guy in the world for you I would strongly recommend you don't take that chance.

ManateeFair · 31/07/2023 09:58

Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 09:47

I feel as though he is trying to get in my head a bit as I didn’t respond since and he called me this morning on instagram chat at 8:20am and then said he didn’t mean to call which is fine but he must have been back on the chat to be able to do that

None of this is healthy. You're besotted with him despite knowing he's an arsehole. He knows that. You're devoting way too much of your headspace to him.

Do yourself a favour. Tell him clearly that you are not interested and block him. He will not make you happy. You're a grown woman now, not the teenager you once where when you first dated, and you are better than this. A healthy relationship doesn't involve mind games.

I'm 20 years older than you and when I was your age I was exactly where you are now. Trust me, this is not good for you.

INeedAnotherName · 31/07/2023 10:04

He’s also said that I’m welcome to come round to his house whenever I like so I guess that is his real intentions

So you aren't even worth taking out for a cheap coffee? Wow.

Message him back. "Sorry, life is a bit busy right now, maybe in a few months!"

billy1966 · 31/07/2023 10:05

He clearly thinks he can use you again.

You accepted it twice and now it suits him to have round three whilst he looks around and finds someone new.

Please have some self respect and do not engage or respond in any way.

Do the www.freedomprogramme.co.uk to help you with your self esteem.

You deserve better than to be used again.

Value yourself or no one else ever will.

The Freedom Programme. Learn about domestic violence and abuse

The Freedom Programme. For women who want to learn more about the reality of domestic violence and abuse

http://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Batalax · 31/07/2023 10:09

if he’d liked you enough, it would have worked the last time. You’d be playing with fire if you get involved again.

RosesAndHellebores · 31/07/2023 10:09

"How lovely to hear from you. So sorry you split up with the girl you left me for".

Thanks for getting in touch, I'm quite busy at the moment.

monpetitlapin · 31/07/2023 10:11

He sounds desperate OP and like he assumed you'd just be there waiting for him to pick up where he left off. Show him you're worth more than that because he'll only drop you again.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 31/07/2023 10:18

I might reply, saying, yes, that might be nice, but if you’re just after commitment-free shags (again!) forget it.

shockthemonkey · 31/07/2023 10:19

OP, I once very nearly allowed this to happen to me.

I thank my lucky stars, frequently, that I wriggled out at the last minute.

You know deep down his intentions. I'm glad you posted to have it confirmed.

Look after yourself, leave room for the right person to come along!

freedome · 31/07/2023 10:20

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we have deleted their posts and threads.

Mistymist · 31/07/2023 10:21

Just block him. Relationships like this damage your self esteem so badly. I was in your shoes at your age and he damaged me so mush it took me years to recover.

Whatever he may be saying is all crap. Men like him want an ego boost and sex and they turn to someone they left hanging. Don't be that woman. You'll get your heart broken again.

TurkeyLurkey4 · 31/07/2023 10:23

Ignore him. On a deeper level, find out why you are settling for so much less than you actually want. It speaks to low self-esteem and it’s better to work through that now while you’re young.