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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you think if this happened to you?

368 replies

Paintedrockk · 28/07/2023 20:02

Just curious.

Ten years ago when I was in secondary school I was seeing this guy and I was head over heels for him but he never committed. Was just young and naive at the time

Two years after we left school we started seeing each other again but just for sex and chilling together, again he wouldn’t commit, he felt a bit used at the time as I really did like him and my feelings never really went away

He then got into a relationship with somebody straight after ending things with us hooking up and I felt hurt about it as he never committed to me or made things official and I felt a bit used

Fast forward to now they split about 6 months ago and he is contacting me asking how I’ve been saying long time no speak stranger etc. what would you do?

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 02/08/2023 15:03

Pawprintinmyheart · 02/08/2023 14:34

Maybe he has changed ? You will never know unless you go and see him. He might tell you he realises he is in love with you. I say give him a chance …

Of course, absolutely- he has had a complete personality by-pass

Give me strength - Chiny reckon.

bringbacksideburns · 02/08/2023 15:08

Hope you are continuing to ignore him OP.

Know your worth ffs. What a manipulator. Yuk.

CrackSpackle · 02/08/2023 15:08

"I’ll be completely transparent with you I’m not a person that can be in a relationship *"

Now that its clear he's just here for the sex ... *
Envy

Cactusmad · 02/08/2023 18:55

He wants a blowup doll he can get out of a cupboard.

Lindyloo23 · 02/08/2023 19:27

He’s talking to you as if he thinks you’re damaged and need him to help you. Why does he think you need help? He hasn’t seen you for 7 years!!!! What a twat! He just wants to slowly work his way back and then drop you again. God he’s revolting!!!

Kteeb1 · 02/08/2023 19:51

Almost everyone has had someone like this who can reel you in. Who knows many of us have maybe been that person to someone else. The only way to deal with it is to delete and block every way you can think of. You keep reading his messages you will respond eventually. Delete, block and save yourself the lesson

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/08/2023 19:55

Yeah he just wants sex. Ignore and block. It’s not meant to be, or written in the stars or anything like that. He just gets in touch because he thinks you’ll accept just sex.

Dont have anything to do with him again.

And it’s not a case of showing him you won’t accept that, at which point he’ll commit to you. He never will and you need to move on from him completely.

tt9 · 02/08/2023 20:59

Pawprintinmyheart · 02/08/2023 14:34

Maybe he has changed ? You will never know unless you go and see him. He might tell you he realises he is in love with you. I say give him a chance …

please tell me you are joking

Suspific · 02/08/2023 21:06

Oh @Paintedrockk your Spidey senses were correct

I’ll be completely transparent with you I’m not a person that can be in a relationship

Absolute bollocks. He could be in a relationship with someone else for 6/7 but even before you've agreed to see him again he's telling you he won't think you're good enough for a relationship. Listen to him. Listen to yourself and don't go there.

FWIW I had someone I was keen on who said he wasn't ready for a relationship. We just 'messed around'. Then I found out from a friend he had a new girlfriend. Clearly he was ready for a relationship just not with me. Rang so many alarm bells when I read your message.

Original poster
Paintedrockk · 02/08/2023 21:57

@Lindyloo23 I have no idea why he thinks this tbh. He was saying he wants to be my emotional support?

OP posts:
Bananabedhead · 02/08/2023 22:02

I think that was just so it didn't sound like it was all about him and his wants, when it completely is.
By offering support, as an after thought almost, he's trying to make it sound mutual, but 1. You don't need support, particularly after 7 years and 2. You don't want to be just his fuck buddy. So it is still 100% about what he wants.

AliceOlive · 02/08/2023 22:02

He’s really laying it on thick. Focusing on how you terrible felt before is a great way to manage this.

Kimten · 02/08/2023 22:44

Bin.

supersop60 · 02/08/2023 22:46

Paintedrockk · 02/08/2023 21:57

@Lindyloo23 I have no idea why he thinks this tbh. He was saying he wants to be my emotional support?

He doesn't want to be your emotional support.

He will say anything to shag you and then dump you again.
Don't believe anything he says.
Block him.

Pablothepalm · 02/08/2023 22:49

He wants to pretend to care until you sit on his cock. Don’t be a mug, you were just a lay them and he still sees you in the same way - which is not what you deserve. Don’t let this man use you!

XiCi · 02/08/2023 22:56

Jesus. Haven't you told him to fuck off yet? What are you doing?

isitshe · 02/08/2023 23:05

@Paintedrockk I was in agreement with all PPs who were saying 'don't block, just ignore' but if I were you it'd be time to block. It seems he has successfully wormed his way back into your head. Put a stop to it now before you regress any further.
I'm sure he won't like you calling the shots.
I'm sure it'll frustrate him no end but it'd be interesting to see if he tried to get in touch another way.
He sounds like more and more of a twat, for the way he treated, and IS treating you, and for the way he apparently treated his ex.
I would expect him to drop you when he gets bored anyway if he can't grind you down, or potentially get aggressive and start slagging you off.

isitshe · 02/08/2023 23:08

Never let go of the knowledge that he thought he could drop you and pick you up again all these years later and that he thought you'd come running.

Find your self-worth. Talk to other people who value you to help you gain perspective or stop you making a really bad move.

Original poster
Paintedrockk · 02/08/2023 23:59

Thank you

I have stopped responding as it’s really not doing my self esteem any favours and I’ve let it get to my head and I’m analysing things and I really just wish he never contacted me in the first place but I definitely won’t be going any further with it.

The last message he said to me was that he hopes I don’t think he’s only messaging me because he’s broken up with his ex and then he said ‘I was kind of hoping you would message me these past few years and you didn’t but that’s ok’

so he was even expecting me to try and contact him during his relationship, not something I would ever do.

OP posts:
BubblesWoo · 03/08/2023 00:07

I’d reply and tell him you don’t want to talk to him, you don’t find him/his offer attractive, then block him. Who does he think he is?! 😤 I am petty however.

Don’t let this absolute loser get any further into your head! You’re worth so much more than that!

tt9 · 03/08/2023 00:08

he's an ass. he's not even being subtle. don't let this moron screw with your head. you deserve better.

just block and delete.

then tomorrow or whenever you next have time... go for a nice walk or catch up with a good friend. allow yourself to breathe out. get some fresh air.

tt9 · 03/08/2023 00:10

BubblesWoo · 03/08/2023 00:07

I’d reply and tell him you don’t want to talk to him, you don’t find him/his offer attractive, then block him. Who does he think he is?! 😤 I am petty however.

Don’t let this absolute loser get any further into your head! You’re worth so much more than that!

this is also a good idea. I would write something along the lines of

"I do not wish to see you or hear from you ever again. stop contacting me. I am not interested" then block and delete

Lindyloo23 · 03/08/2023 01:11

I think he wants to pretend to be emotionally intelligent. He’s assuming that because you haven’t answered him it’s because you’re hurt 🤷🏼‍♀️. But amazingly he is here for you again to get you through it 😂. It’s clearly all about his ego. Honestly don’t answer him as he will do anything to get you to answer/meet him. But once he has you reeled in he will get what he wants, treat you like crap and move on again.
I know you know all this otherwise you wouldn’t have asked for help.

Lindyloo23 · 03/08/2023 01:19

Oh my god he’s even playing the sympathy/poor me card saying he expected you would contact him whilst he was in his relationship but - your bad but he’s forgiven you!!!!!!
Oh so you’re supposed to feel bad you didn’t contact him. And whilst he was in a relationship!!!!
So what stopped HIM contacting you in 7 years if he was always thinking about you.
What an arse!!!!
A) you’re not desperate
B) you have self respect
C) you can live without him
D) you respected he had ditched you and he was in a relationship with someone else so why would you????

Iwant2stayanon · 03/08/2023 06:17

Honestly he has told you everything you need to know. You won’t ever be in a relationship with him, he will just use this as a booty call and to be honest, it’s just so disrespectful to you. He is treating you like a silly little girl who is infatuated with him. Please block him for your own sake before you convince yourself this is something more than it actually is.