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AIBU?

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Original poster

What would you think if this happened to you?

368 replies

Paintedrockk · 28/07/2023 20:02

Just curious.

Ten years ago when I was in secondary school I was seeing this guy and I was head over heels for him but he never committed. Was just young and naive at the time

Two years after we left school we started seeing each other again but just for sex and chilling together, again he wouldn’t commit, he felt a bit used at the time as I really did like him and my feelings never really went away

He then got into a relationship with somebody straight after ending things with us hooking up and I felt hurt about it as he never committed to me or made things official and I felt a bit used

Fast forward to now they split about 6 months ago and he is contacting me asking how I’ve been saying long time no speak stranger etc. what would you do?

OP posts:
thelast5years · 31/07/2023 05:32

I'm really surprised you need to even think about giving someone this many chances. So many men in the world, why waste your time on this one?

The audacity of a man to contact someone they've messed around previously and expect to pick things back up SIX years later. He truly must think you have nothing better to do and he's irresistible to you.

I would leave him on read. Not a chance I'd respond.

742EvergreenTerrace · 31/07/2023 05:35

There was a bloke I was ‘seeing’ he never stayed the night, never went on a date (why did I put up with so much shit in my 20s)

a few weeks later I see he’s put in a relationship on fb, with some girl I knew. A few months later, she’s pregnant. I unfriended them both and moved on. I was a little hurt, that ‘well he didn’t want me at all but he wanted her enough to get her pregnant’ kind of feeling, but got over it soon enough.

fast forward a few years later, maybe 2-3, and I get a message from bloke. ‘ me and her and split, I’m sorry for messing you around a bit back then, do you want to meet up for a catch up’

my reply: ‘ no thank you, I’m not second best for anyone’ and that was that.

because I’m not. I’m not anyone’s second choice, or sloppy seconds. I learnt I am worthy enough to be someone’s absolute first choice. They should date me, woo me, and choose me for a steady relationship. No more casual shags.

I found my husband a few years later after repeating this mantra and sticking to it.

DreamTheMoors · 31/07/2023 05:40

IncompleteSenten · 28/07/2023 20:48

I'd laugh my tits off, tell him I was done being his wank sock then I'd block him.

Exactly this.
Answer him back: Hahaha NO.
Then block him.

CarbsAreNotMyFriend · 31/07/2023 05:40

I'd be open to a conversation. Lots can change in that time and he was so young then. I'd be open-minded, personally.

Cheezecake · 31/07/2023 05:44

Why would he pay for what he can get for free? Stop being that free thing. You are worth so much more.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 31/07/2023 06:11

Well it depends.

If you fancy some no strings sex then why not reply to him. Have a bit of fun.

marblesthecat · 31/07/2023 06:23

He's trying to talk you round so he can get sex. I know it can be hard to see the wood for the trees when you're the one in the position and feeling the emotions but if this were one of your friends what would you tell them? Stop letting him use you as a booty call in between relationships. PLEASE do not even respond to him.

KimberleyClark · 31/07/2023 06:28

Invisimamma · 28/07/2023 20:18

I had similar scenario and 17yrs later I'm still with him (although it was me that didn't want to commit and got into another relationship). We have 2 kids, mortgage etc. Wouldn't swap hom for anyone.

Go for it.

Go for what, exactly?

isitshe · 31/07/2023 06:45

Yeah, from that last message it would seem his intentions are clear.
If you do meet up you could be really tempted again, and if you just wanted some fun with him, that would be fine but otherwise it would muddy the waters & you'd end up hurt again.
I wouldn't touch him with a bargepole.

There will be someone who values you, won't have eyes for anyone but you & who makes you feel loved.

Have you heard or seen that slightly twee saying, 'one day someone will come along who'll make you realise why it never worked out with anyone else'?
I think of that when blokes from my past pop into my head.

Insertdeadcatsnamehere · 31/07/2023 06:47

PLEASE don't block. So needlessly dramatic. You may as well tell him you still like him! Just cheerfully tell him you're busy atm and then stop replying. Indifference all the way.

CapEBarra · 31/07/2023 06:49

He could have been with you any time he wanted - literally any time he wanted - but he chose not to. Now his official relationship is over he wants a shag until the next relationship comes along. If he was that into you he could have finished with girlfriend years ago and started dating you, but he didn’t. You are too good to be this dickhead’s fall back shag. I wouldn’t even bother blocking - it implies he’s getting a reaction. I’d just mute the conversation.

Duckduckie · 31/07/2023 06:53

He’s put you on his hook and I doubt you will ever come off. He sees you as someone to string along for sex but will never commit

Dombasle · 31/07/2023 06:55

Don't lower yourself by sleeping with him again.

Hallmark1234 · 31/07/2023 06:59

It really depends on whether you are willing to take the chance he might've changed and genuinely feel remorse over the way he treated you years ago. It doesn't seem likely though and in my experience you can never go back.

I get that you're curious and still have feelings for him, but I think you should just reply no thank you, you've moved on, as it's highly likely he is just after sex, as he could've contacted you years ago to say sorry for how he treated you!

Channellingsophistication · 31/07/2023 07:13

Has he changed though really when he is asking you to go round to his house… shouldn’t he be suggesting taking you out for dinner?

UseOfWeapons · 31/07/2023 07:15

I’d tell him I’ve moved on, have a nice life, and block him. He wants a fuck buddy, and cares nothing for your feelings.

Epidote · 31/07/2023 07:22

Ingnore him or block him.
He thinks he can catch. You don't have the time for someone like him.

DeadSouth · 31/07/2023 07:24

I’ve legit slept with 2 people in my 30 years and both 5+ years but even I know he’s going to continue to have sex with you without commuting and as soon as he finds someone you’ll be out the window not a look back. Sorry but ignore him.

MsJinks · 31/07/2023 07:28

I honestly think some blokes can’t stand being single for a nano second, plus can be lazy, and so get their phone out looking for fastest option to build up their self esteem (and get sex).
I worked in a mostly male environment and saw this ‘on to the next’ quite a bit, I also got asked out once after an ex’s subsequent marriage failed after 12 years 🤦🏻‍♀️ - he seemed flummoxed I wasn’t eager to meet up!
I’m not sure they all consciously recognise what they are doing, I sometimes think they at least think they mean what they say in the minute they say it, but essentially it’s very much self interest driven and once they have assuaged their immediate need for self esteem/sex then they will be back to how they were - rarely these hasty decisions do seem to work out ok after a fashion, but I couldn’t get past being the ok enough girl I think.
I feel whatever advice you get won’t get past you wanting to give it another go and wanting to believe what he says - I’d stay away from the bedroom for a bit if you do and see how it goes, and keep your own life busy too - take it very slow. It’s easy for outsiders to say don’t, but very easy for the one in it to just ‘hope’ and ‘give it a go’. Good luck.

Sooze2023 · 31/07/2023 07:31

Just say 'Long time no hear. Glad you're OK but don't see the point in meeting up. I'm a different girl to the one you used to know'. Then don't indulge in his bs responses. IGNORE them.

daisychain01 · 31/07/2023 07:31

DillyDallyingAllDay · 28/07/2023 20:11

Why not catch up, go out together- make sure he pays- but don't have sex? Take his offer of catching up at face value if you want? If you're hurt and upset, say no and leave it at that

No way!

the danger is that the OPs feelings for him will be reignited and she'll end up being his sex ego boost until he finds his next proper girlfriend, then he'll drop her like a hot brick.

He didn't have feelings for her then, he doesn't have feelings for her now, he's just split up from someone and thinks I know, I'll text @Paintedrockk and see if she'll be up for a bit of FWB while I'm at a loose end.

No Sir-eeeee, on yer bike matey!

TarquinOliverNimrod · 31/07/2023 07:32

Not even worthy of any air time, just ignore. Silence says more than any words are able to. Can’t quite believe you’re entertaining this chancer. Where is your self respect.

Thosepeskyseagulls · 31/07/2023 07:33

Sounds like you’ve got wise to it. Just ignore him. Don’t block, just don’t reply.

TarquinOliverNimrod · 31/07/2023 07:33

Sooze2023 · 31/07/2023 07:31

Just say 'Long time no hear. Glad you're OK but don't see the point in meeting up. I'm a different girl to the one you used to know'. Then don't indulge in his bs responses. IGNORE them.

No don’t do this. Don’t engage at all. Just ignore. Then get on with your life and maybe you’ll meet someone with some respect for you.

tescocreditcard · 31/07/2023 07:34

WeeOrcadian · 28/07/2023 20:07

He thinks you're an easy lay.

This^

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