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AIBU?

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Original poster

What would you think if this happened to you?

368 replies

Paintedrockk · 28/07/2023 20:02

Just curious.

Ten years ago when I was in secondary school I was seeing this guy and I was head over heels for him but he never committed. Was just young and naive at the time

Two years after we left school we started seeing each other again but just for sex and chilling together, again he wouldn’t commit, he felt a bit used at the time as I really did like him and my feelings never really went away

He then got into a relationship with somebody straight after ending things with us hooking up and I felt hurt about it as he never committed to me or made things official and I felt a bit used

Fast forward to now they split about 6 months ago and he is contacting me asking how I’ve been saying long time no speak stranger etc. what would you do?

OP posts:
Hiddenvoice · 01/08/2023 18:56

Sorry op, I’m not trying to be mean but at this point, it’s you allowing yourself to get hurt again. You’re enjoying him messaging you again. Listen to what he’s saying, “it won’t be a one time thing you can go to his whenever you want” that’s not dating, that’s not a relationship that’s friends with benefits. He’ll most likely be seeing other women at the same time until he finds one he wants to settle with.

Again i’m not trying to be nasty but he’s using you, he doesn’t want what you want but does he even know what you want? Have you told him that he hurt you before? Have you told him that you had proper feelings for him? It feels like he’s using you but has no idea how you really feel and seems to think that this is okay with you. If he knew how you really felt then I reckon he’d back off because he doesn’t want to invest too much into you and just wants to mess around.

Original poster
Paintedrockk · 01/08/2023 18:56

Just want to put my feelings first and realised I do not want to be in the same position I was in 7 years ago, a year on from now

OP posts:
Original poster
Paintedrockk · 01/08/2023 18:58

@Hiddenvoice you’re right. I think he knew how much I liked him back then but I never really voiced how it made me feel being strung along and I did just let it happen so perhaps he thinks I was ok with it. I just really don’t want to be in the same position I was in before though so I definitely can’t go back

OP posts:
Greenshed · 01/08/2023 18:59

My advice is the same as many other posters. Give this man a wide berth, he’s trying to use you. He’s really not worth any of your time.

Greenshed · 01/08/2023 19:00

Meant to add, don’t let him mess any more with your emotions. You’re better than that.

Cactusmad · 01/08/2023 19:04

Have u considered he may be going through his contacts in his phone. He’s casting his net to get himself a fish. He treating u appallingly, value yourself. Sorry it’s a hard lesson

FreddieMercurysCat · 01/08/2023 19:04

As the song said “don’t come back for me, don’t come back at all. Who do you think you are?” Aaaand block. CF.

Pinkyhere · 01/08/2023 19:19

My feeling is the same as @Cactusmad he's trying his luck.
For your sanity block him on everything without fanfare. Every message and response you send gives him oxygen and every message he sends will stop you really moving on.
You deserve better and you won't get it from him.

supersop60 · 01/08/2023 19:21

Just don't.
He used you and lied to you before. Now he's been rejected and needs his ego to be stroked (and free sex)
He will say ANYTHING to get you to go round there.

Liveinmypjs · 01/08/2023 19:21

I used to be in a situation like this from when I was 18 for about 7 years. Always on and off and whenever we ended up single. If you still have feelings for him then I would make excuses not to meet up. Do things with other friends and don't let him think you are available whenever he wants you. If he genuinely wants to be friends then this won't be an issue. I do think that he's only after a hook up and thinking you'll be there whenever he wants. I had low self esteem and it's taken me a long time to realise that i don't need men to like me to make me feel worthwhile. Have respect and confidence for yourself, I mean this as a compliment😊

Hiddenvoice · 01/08/2023 19:28

@Paintedrockk I’ve been in exactly your position.
I dated a guy and it didn’t work out . We got back in touch and it was great. I was completely smitten and fell head over heels. I thought we were going somewhere until he abruptly ended it and then posted on social media about his new gf. When they split he got back in touch and then ditched me again. He came back into my life over 3 years, always using me until I told him how I felt. He then apologised and disappeared completely. I was blocked on everything. It hurt but I stood up for myself. I did miss him in my life at first but now I can see clearer and realise it was me who enabled him to keep returning. It was me who let myself get used and hurt. Be better, stand up for yourself and either tell him straight how bad he hurt you or just straight up block him!

Missingpop · 01/08/2023 19:31

Tell him to naff off all he wants is a fuck buddy; he’s not interested in you per say only that he knows he can get what he wants from you with little work. He’s a snake get over him & move on.

Bluesandwhites · 01/08/2023 19:31

@DillyDallyingAllDay
This is an alternative idea, what fun you could have arranging a night out, with him paying, then at the end of the evening, saying
"Thankyou for a very nice evening, goodnight ! "
" what ??? Is that it?"
"Yes, goodnight !"

Iwant2stayanon · 01/08/2023 19:33

That’s a booty call, block and move on. He will just use you and dispose of you again when he gets bored.

Boudiccabitesback · 01/08/2023 19:47

@Paintedrockk it took me many years and a lot of heartache to work out when I was being used.
BUT when the penny drops and I shored up my boundaries I was so much happier.
I was able to block a fuckwit just a few months ago who surfaced using a different number and ended a FWB a few years ago because he was taking the piss 😁
God, that felt so GOOD!!
I hope with support IRL and from the Fabulous Vipers here you can shut the door on this man and feel good about it.
But most of all I hope you can build yourself up so you are never in this position again 🌺

OhcantthInkofaname · 01/08/2023 19:49

You're just another "port in the storm". When the storm is over he'll be looking for a new port.

Spyral · 01/08/2023 19:51

Bluesandwhites · 01/08/2023 19:31

@DillyDallyingAllDay
This is an alternative idea, what fun you could have arranging a night out, with him paying, then at the end of the evening, saying
"Thankyou for a very nice evening, goodnight ! "
" what ??? Is that it?"
"Yes, goodnight !"

I don't think this is a good idea. He (& she) probably knows he can talk her around, she'll be weaker to his charms when she's with him in person.

Kteeb1 · 01/08/2023 19:53

Run like the wind, Bullseye.

VinEtFromage · 01/08/2023 19:56

poppettypop · 31/07/2023 02:37

He has a scratch and he want's you to itch it.

😂😂. You have your itches & scratches a bit arse about face 😂😂

FiddleLeaf · 01/08/2023 20:03

Paintedrockk · 31/07/2023 16:41

He has messaged to say he needs cheering up and potentially could be loosing his job so needs some company

Well he can call a friend he hasn’t treated like trash

Cazzie1206 · 01/08/2023 20:06

He just wants a hook-up. If you haven’t already read Block,Delete,Move on by LalalaLetMeExplain it’s a must for anyone trying to navigate dating/relationships.

SadieOlsen · 01/08/2023 20:09

Fuck that - what a cheeky, using bastard. You have more important things to do with your young life, don't you? Don't let him suck you in. There is nothing to be gained for you at all.

Pepsi2001 · 01/08/2023 20:10

Ignore him he's using you so don't get involved move on and find somebody who truly wants to be with you. Your worth more xxx

user1472151176 · 01/08/2023 20:31

I don't think it will turn unto a relationship ever given your past history but if you want the same as him - casual - I say go for it but just don't expect anything.

Mrsgreen100 · 01/08/2023 20:38

Walk away fast