What would you think if this happened to you?

[Paintedrockk]

Just curious.

Ten years ago when I was in secondary school I was seeing this guy and I was head over heels for him but he never committed. Was just young and naive at the time

Two years after we left school we started seeing each other again but just for sex and chilling together, again he wouldn’t commit, he felt a bit used at the time as I really did like him and my feelings never really went away

He then got into a relationship with somebody straight after ending things with us hooking up and I felt hurt about it as he never committed to me or made things official and I felt a bit used

Fast forward to now they split about 6 months ago and he is contacting me asking how I’ve been saying long time no speak stranger etc. what would you do?

« Needs cheering up » means sex / ego boost.

Sounds like you want someone serious- pick someone who is besotted by you. You deserve better than to be messed around again.

Emotional blackmail.

A man that has been able to do without your support during life's difficult times for the past few years has other friends to fall back on.

That he would stoop to such transparent and desperate measures to get a shag tells you exactly what kind of man he is, completely pathetic and led by his genitals and libido.

Run for the hills

You deserve better

Bloody hell, he just gets worse and worse!

He couldn’t make it any more clear that this is purely about him using you for what he wants from you (companionship, solace, sex) and nothing to do with a relationship.

This is how he sees you. As a resource there for him to use whenever it suits him.

Cold!

How pathetic and desperate does he think you are! It's insulting. I'd be furious in your shoes. He actually thinks you'll come running over and let him use your body.

This exact same situation happened to me. RUN!

Nothing had ever messed me up quite as badly. It was the most confusing, weird, draining time of my life and I was a state afterwards.

Don’t get any further involved with him, please learn from my mistakes.

I've been wondering that too.

Just what you need: a guy who treated you like second best and a booty call until first choice appeared, and now that first choice has dumped him, he's reaching out for comfort. Oh, and now needs it especially since he's also about to be unemployed.

Tell him to fuck off, and then fuck off some more, and block him on everything.

Fucking hell, took no time at all for him to pull out the first “sympathy” card.

As said before, just ignore him - don’t engage. I’d bet my house that the “sympathy” element will be ramped up in further messages.

Prick.

Oh pleeeeasssse........ He was out of touch with you all during covid and lockdown - didn't ask you once if you needed a friend then on the telephone did he ?
Now that you are older, is it more obvious to you just how manipulative he is ? Its not a good look.

Tbh I did reply initially and I wish I hadn’t now. But I think he doesn’t even realise how badly he used to treat me because he thinks the reason I have turned down meeting up now is because he thinks I’m too nervous to see him again

Or he's negging, trying to get you to prove you aren't nervous.

For sanity, you should block him.

Please unfriend him, block him and try your hardest to move on. You’re letting him suck you back in. Sorry to say but it’s not going to be a fairytale ending. He hasn’t asked you out on a date and apologised for how he treated you in the past. He’s trying to lure you in and make you pity him. He’s not losing his job, he’s lonely and wants friends with benefits. You rightly said earlier that if his ex hadn’t dumped him then you wouldn’t be hearing from him.

You are prolonging this yourself. You are hoping that he’s going to confess his love for you and that you will get what you wanted from him but you won’t. Right now he’s got you where he wants you. He think he can sweet talk himself back into your life.

I’m not trying to be nasty but you need to hear the truth. You want him back in your life I understand that feeling and have craved that myself from an ex. The thing is, it’s you that’s letting yourself get hurt this time. It’s you that’s letting him contact you. You like having him on social media and being able to have a glimpse into his life as it makes you feel like you’re still a part of it somehow but for your own mental health and your own love life, please cut the ties. Unfollow and block. Respect yourself more than you like him.

But why would he think he was treating you badly when you kept going back to him willingly? As far as he is concerned, you were there because you wanted to be. People can only treat you the way you let them. Even now, you had the choice to engage or not. You still chose to engage. You can't blame him for that.

Honestly OP message him one last time to make it clear why you won't meet up with him.
Tell him you know his game, you won't be his back up and you can do soooo much better than him. If you to really kick him tell him you found him a bit meh in bed.
Then swiftly block..... forever

OP, he doesn't think you are 'too nervous' to meet him, meeting was the first thing he asked you to do - to go round to his. It was going to be 'a special occasion' remember ? He is just saying whatever it takes to get the result he wants. He is lying to you - can you see that ?

The bloody ego on him.

I would tell him he is part of my past. I've moved on, I'm simply not interested and please stop messaging me.

He just wants to use you again until he finds someone he deems worthy of being in a relationship with.

All the pain you've suffered because of him. What part of you wants to go running over for another dose?

I would be really careful with this. If he didn’t commit to you before but then committed to someone else that would be a red flag for me. I think you can do better. Have a big think about if you could handle just sex then being dropped. It is harsh when that happens but if you can handle it then no harm having fun it is just the part where us women get feelings makes things messy.

It's all about his feelings, he wants you to go and make him feel better, then he'll be back to his normal self.

If he was serious, he'd be trying to get to know you properly.
Taking you out, long walks, dinner or whatever you enjoy doing without going back to his.

If you're torn in case he's changed, tell him you're happy to date for a few months with no sex and see how fast he'll run. That or he'll say he's broke and blame it all on the ex.

Either way, this guy sounds like a user wanting to go back to his usual ways.

Don't enable it.

If you meant so much he'd have left the relationship sooner to come find you, but he didn't.

@Paintedrockk seeopusly thinks you have to Cheer hiM up???
Me me me !

Also thinks he is something saying your too nervous to meet him .
He knows the effect he has over you and your his play thing!

If you didn’t reply after the too nervous comment just say “no actulay life’s moved on and your my past , sorry your going through tough times but don’t we all .
you will get through the other end take care.
Good bye x

In the six years apart, he is showing that nothing has changed. If he wanted to make amends for not choosing you and now wanted you as a girlfriend - he would not insult you by suggesting you go round and cheer him up. He would putting the effort in to signal that he has changed, planning date, suggesting a nice dinner out, meet for a drink to show he is not just about the sex this time.

It's a booty call. You know he thinks you're his fallback position.
Block Block Block!!

Exactly this.

he is using you.

very true thank you all for your comments.he was saying it wouldn’t be just a one time thing that I could come round to his whenever I want but I know I will just be left hurt again when he decides he’s finished with me

‘Hi X, it’s been nice catching up but I’m not interested in meeting up. All the best.’