Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the other hens should pay?

269 replies

Issueatwork · 28/07/2023 09:23

Friends hen party in 48 hours in a European city. It’s the first of our group of friends to be married and we’re all really happy and excited for her.

There are 20 attendees, and so the maid of honour found a hotel where she can book 5 rooms of 4, the cost per room for the weekend is £960, meaning £240pp.

The maid of honour chose who goes in which room and did a perfect job, everyone is with their friend/family group and worked out really well.

We have to pay by the end of the month and have been given time to save, however one person in my room has now dropped out due to money issues. The MOH has said the remaining three of us sharing this room now need to make up the £240 lost, so £80 each. This takes the cost from £240pp to £320pp for the three of us whilst the rest of the party pay the same.

If everybody in the party paid the difference it would only be an additional £12.63 each - WIBU to suggest this? I get it’s our hotel room, but could we not look at it as the cost of the accommodation per head has gone up as whole?

Never been to one of these weekends so unsure how these things work.

OP posts:
Katey83 · 29/07/2023 22:13

‘My budget doesn’t stretch to an extra £80
for this - and it seems a bit off that three of us are picking up cost of X dropping out last minute. Could we split between everyone? That seems fairer if X won’t pay.’

SusieLawson · 29/07/2023 22:33

If the person dropped out because they can't afford it, you shouldn't force them to pay if they're not going, but everybody should pay the same no matter what room they're in.
I think it's awful to have expensive hen parties, putting people under financial pressure for another's wedding.

TheVelvetOnion · 29/07/2023 23:29

Hugasauras · 28/07/2023 09:29

YANBU. I would happily pay £12 extra to avoid three people having to pay £80 more, that's nuts. I'm sure most decent people would!

Yes, definitely 👍🏽 I don't understand why it wasn't all just split equally anyway after someone pulling out. Strange!

JournalistEmily · 29/07/2023 23:46

God I hate hen dos…

TheVelvetOnion · 30/07/2023 00:07

JournalistEmily · 29/07/2023 23:46

God I hate hen dos…

Yes!! Never been on one and never would 😄

pineapplecrushed · 30/07/2023 00:12

I'm going to disagree with everyone here. You say that the rooms were divided by family group, so if it is your family member, you should pay for her.

crazygiuseppe888 · 30/07/2023 00:14

The person who has dropped out should really be paying.

As the rooms were allocated by the organiser and so the 'drop out' affects your accommodation purely through misfortune, the cost should be split across all.

GreenestValley · 30/07/2023 00:45

everyone saying “wow that is crazy expensive” - if it’s Paris or Rome, £120 per person, per night (even sharing a room) is pretty par for the course. Decent hotel rooms in these places are several hundred euros a night. I’m guessing maybe some of you don’t travel that much.

CelestiaNoctis · 30/07/2023 02:29

I'd suggest that and jokingly say either it's that or you drop out too and they pay even more lol.

a1poshpaws · 30/07/2023 03:02

@KefaloniaKid me too. sighs sadly However I think I may be able to cheer you up after this let down ...

To think the other hens should pay?
Mummyoflittledragon · 30/07/2023 03:25

Have you contacted the MOH op?

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 30/07/2023 03:27

Talk between the three of you and agree what you want to do before talk to the moh. Make sure all three are happy/able to pay the extra money. Maybe one of you is happy to also drop out making it a room for 2. Once you know what the others want you can talk to moh. Depending on what the others have said you can let the moh know that either

  • You are happy to just pay the extra
  • You expect that the cost will be shared evenly by everyone attending or none of you are going.
  • You only need a room for two.
  • You are going but will find your own accommodation.
Hopefully the moh has paid a deposit and will be out of pocket if you all drop out. Also you are all probably paying for the bride, so everyone’s costs are going up if you all pull out. You might have to pull out in order to get her to up everyone’s costs. You aren’t responsible for her inviting your friend, or are you responsible for her cancelling.
HolidayHollie · 30/07/2023 05:38

I agree with you OP. This is a group booking. The MOH has paid before getting paying (her error) so the shortfall, if cannot he recovered from the hen who dropped out, should be spread between you all. It doesn't matter that she's your best friend.

Is your room cancellable? When I read that PP suggested saying you cannot pay the extra £80(?) each and may have to drop out, would it be fine for the three of you to drop out? Not that I'm saying you should have to but I'm wondering if she'll say "it's fine if the three of you drop out and I can cancel your room booking"

TreenaReena · 30/07/2023 05:43

Even though it was your friend everyone has friends and you kinda needed to make up a four to be cost effective as it’s expensive. That was good for the other three. But it could have been an odd number from the start (MOH had to fix). It is a massive difference to split with all to just three but you benefit with fewer people in the room. Ask MOH to send an email to the effect you’d be “incredibly grateful” to the others if they would step up.

Poppins2016 · 30/07/2023 05:44

Tatzelwyrm · 28/07/2023 17:55

If they insist on £80 between 3, I would drop out as well

Then it would be more between 2 and show how ridiculous the split is

It's not even £80 between 3! It's £80 each...

The MOH has said the remaining three of us sharing this room now need to make up the £240 lost, so £80 each. This takes the cost from £240pp to £320pp for the three of us whilst the rest of the party pay the same.

transformandriseup · 30/07/2023 06:13

God I hate hen dos…

I know, these threads always make me feel better about not having many friends 😂.

SoShallINever · 30/07/2023 06:46

Rookie error from MOH, she should have got the money up front off everyone at the time of booking.
Rookie error from all the other hens not to ask what the protocol would be should others back out. You wouldn't book any other holiday without looking at the terms and conditions, why are hen parties any different?
Very low behaviour from your friend.
Ridiculous that she isn't asking others to split costs equally.

MojoDaysxx · 30/07/2023 07:03

Shared equally or refuse to go.

BlastedIce · 30/07/2023 07:15

pineapplecrushed · 30/07/2023 00:12

I'm going to disagree with everyone here. You say that the rooms were divided by family group, so if it is your family member, you should pay for her.

Why? It’s not a family member anyway, but even if it was, why should I pay if my sister decides to drop out?

Toomuchtrouble4me · 30/07/2023 07:46

ChimChimeny · 28/07/2023 09:25

Actually the one who dropped out should still pay because she's left everyone else in the lurch

But she’s dropped out because she can’t afford it so that’s not an option.

Livamber · 30/07/2023 07:50

Surely you know if you can afford something or not? We are all adults and know our means of funds!
I think it’s a shit excuse for just not wanting to go.

millymae · 30/07/2023 08:03

The original cost per head was based on an offer where one of the rooms was free and the total cost was shared equally between everyone attending
On this basis if it’s accepted that the drop out doesn’t have to pay, her cost should be shared equally between each of the hens not just those who had the misfortune of being allocated to share with her
Surely basic common sense dictates that this is what should happen

diddl · 30/07/2023 08:11

Livamber · 30/07/2023 07:50

Surely you know if you can afford something or not? We are all adults and know our means of funds!
I think it’s a shit excuse for just not wanting to go.

I agree that she has more than likely changed her mind.

Some people think that they will save & then don't or she's thought that the whole thing will be too pricey for someone she isn't that close to(?)

WhatNoRaisins · 30/07/2023 08:12

On a practical level unless you're at either extreme end of the broke/minted scale £80 feels a lot more to come up with than £12. If I was the MOH who messed up getting the money before booking I reckon I'd have a better chance of getting an extra £12 from more people than £80 from fewer.

benfoldsfivefan · 30/07/2023 08:22

diddl · 30/07/2023 08:11

I agree that she has more than likely changed her mind.

Some people think that they will save & then don't or she's thought that the whole thing will be too pricey for someone she isn't that close to(?)

Show quote history

I've said this all along. She doesn't care about the group and barely knows the bride - if she was bothered enough to go she'd find the money, if she doesn't have it to hand immediately.