Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the other hens should pay?

269 replies

Issueatwork · 28/07/2023 09:23

Friends hen party in 48 hours in a European city. It’s the first of our group of friends to be married and we’re all really happy and excited for her.

There are 20 attendees, and so the maid of honour found a hotel where she can book 5 rooms of 4, the cost per room for the weekend is £960, meaning £240pp.

The maid of honour chose who goes in which room and did a perfect job, everyone is with their friend/family group and worked out really well.

We have to pay by the end of the month and have been given time to save, however one person in my room has now dropped out due to money issues. The MOH has said the remaining three of us sharing this room now need to make up the £240 lost, so £80 each. This takes the cost from £240pp to £320pp for the three of us whilst the rest of the party pay the same.

If everybody in the party paid the difference it would only be an additional £12.63 each - WIBU to suggest this? I get it’s our hotel room, but could we not look at it as the cost of the accommodation per head has gone up as whole?

Never been to one of these weekends so unsure how these things work.

OP posts:
Wheresmyrobe · 29/07/2023 20:03

SkaneTos · 29/07/2023 20:00

I'm sure these big hen parties are fun, but it seems like a nightmare to organize a trip for 20 people. Too many people, I think!

But I hope everything will work out for you, OP.

I agree.

And moving around, eating and drinking in a group that large in a city sounds like pure hell.

TabsKane · 29/07/2023 20:16

You are doing NOTHING WRONG by suggesting you all pay, it was totally WRONG to ask only three of you to pay! I hate this kind of crappy behaviour, someone comes up with a totally unreasonable and crap action (in this case saying three of you should pay £80 extra) and you’re made to feel like the bad guy if you disagree.

YANBU in the slightest: show them this thread!

SW8050 · 29/07/2023 20:22

What if you called the hotel and amended one of the 4 bed rooms to a triple?

Jadeyp0121 · 29/07/2023 20:28

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/07/2023 09:29

YANBU at all, but I also thing the one who dropped out should pay

She's dropped out due to money issues so why would she pay for a trip she can't afford to go on? Splitting it between all of you would be a much easier option

JANEY205 · 29/07/2023 20:29

Paying that much for a room you are sharing with other people is outrageous! Who chose the hotel and location? I already wouldn’t want to attend and pay £240 per person for a shared room but £320 is outrageous to not even have your own room! Add in travel costs and spending for the weekend and this is a crazy expensive trip!

Im honestly not shocked your friend also dropped out, I would too!

I don’t think it’s fair you are having to pay the extra money but I also don’t think it’s fair on the other Hen do guests who don’t even know the drop out!

Julimia · 29/07/2023 20:30

Your idea sounds like an excellent solution. Also if everybody pays that extra couldnt the unfortunate friend then go?

blacknredsweeties · 29/07/2023 20:40

So the drop out is a friend of the bride? If you weren't invited would she still have been?

Your other post sounded as though she only knew you?

Frogmila · 29/07/2023 20:44

I actually don't think people will mind too much paying an extra 12 quid.

You sound like a fairly close group rather than a gathering of the bride's friends and relatives who have never met. That applies even though some are of course closer than others.

Perhaps ring the MOH (rather than text of you can) and suggest something like 'hi ladies, one of the group has had to drop out due to unavoidable circumstances. As the cost of the hotel is to be shared equally, unfortunately the cost will be 252, rather than 240. Everyone else has confirmed so this will be the only increase (if true). I hope this won't be a stretch'.

If someone is not happy you could maybe offer to swap so they're in a 3 and have that extra space but I think 12 quid will be absorbed.

I'm not rich or anything so not being unrealistic about cost of living etc, I just don't see a close group of mates kicking up about this amount so I think it is worth just putting it out there.

Begonne · 29/07/2023 20:46

Did the MoH confirm with everyone that they were happy to pay that amount before she booked the hotel? Or did the cost come as a surprise/shock and then your friend pulled out? Because if that’s the case the MOH is the one who should cover the cost. It’s never a good idea to make assumptions when you’re effectively spending other people’s money. I bet if she saw it as her shortfall, she’d be suggesting a £13 whip-round.

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 29/07/2023 20:49
Shocked Price Tag GIF

Not even read it - just came here to say I hate hen dos. They are the ultimate racket 😂

TortolaParadise · 29/07/2023 20:50

Wheresmyrobe · 29/07/2023 20:03

I agree.

And moving around, eating and drinking in a group that large in a city sounds like pure hell.

Show quote history

This! From experiences!

I think the outstanding bill should be spread across the 19 attendees.

T1Dmama · 29/07/2023 20:55

Of course it should be divided.
mid message MOH & simply say that you feel the cost should be divided between everyone as she chose the rooms and who went in them. I would say that an additional £80 each might result in more dropping out and then the whole room would have to drop out as it would simply become too expensive!
if it’s a no maybe the 3 in that room should all just say it’s too much money to find and tell her to cancel the room… maybe the 3 of you could find a cheaper room elsewhere?

doorstopper123 · 29/07/2023 20:56

Can’t you find someone else? Between all
of the hens, someone must have a mate who can afford a fun weekend awY

pollymere · 29/07/2023 21:11

Unless you all chose who you were sharing rooms with, it makes me feel like a school trip. If one kid dropped out, you might have to increase the cost to all students. You certainly wouldn't penalise the three who were due to share!

I'm sure most would be happy to pay an extra £10 at least to cover the cost. Show the MoH this thread ...

Junebuggirl · 29/07/2023 21:11

ChimChimeny · 28/07/2023 09:25

Actually the one who dropped out should still pay because she's left everyone else in the lurch

This!
And if MOH says otherwise cost should be split between all parties, not your responsibility to pay more

Soapyspuds · 29/07/2023 21:12

What should happen in order of decency.

  1. Drop put person pays. If they knew money was tight they should never has agreed to go.
  2. Split between all hens

I would be suggesting this to the person organising it.

Danielle9891 · 29/07/2023 21:17

The one who dropped out should pay if not can you ask a friend to come instead?

HunterHearstHelmsley · 29/07/2023 21:29

Booksandwine80 · 28/07/2023 18:39

Dying to know what the outing financial thing is? 🙄

I think it is a typo for citing. That's how it reads to me.

@Issueatwork I'd go with the response from @SunnyFrost

If the MOH won't budge, I'd drop out personally. It seems insanity to decide this particular group need to pay extra.

Confusion101 · 29/07/2023 21:32

Hindsight is a great thing, but the MOH should have gotten a deposit from everyone the day they agreed to go. Anyway YANBU to suggest it is split evenly among the entire group. She is being completely ridiculous suggesting ye pay the balance, probably trying to make an easy life for herself as collecting money is painful.

Winnipeg23 · 29/07/2023 21:33

Just say that the extra cost is unmanageable for you and you will have to drop out too. Let them sort it.

Chiccaletta · 29/07/2023 21:45

The cost should be most definitely spread between all attendees, this is standard practice.
The organiser is either being extremely selfish or not thinking clearly. I'm sure if she was in the room of 3x then she would have acted differently.

If it were me I would tell her that I can't afford the dramatic cost increase. She wont want more people pulling out.

JudgeRudy · 29/07/2023 21:47

The person that's dropped out actually owes not you three. You didn't request a third of a room, you agreed to a quarter. You agreed this with the organiser not drop out.
Id make it quite clear that what's happened is between the organiser and the drop out, but as you know she's unlikely to pay up your willing to pay £12.63 so organiser isn't left in debt, if everyone else is prepared to do the same. You need to present it in such a way that you're doing her a favour. In fact I think you should all pay a tenner, not £12.63 and drop out can make up the difference.
Speak with your other room mates beforehand and agree your plan before speaking with others. Say your room has decided to chip in £30/40 to offset organiser's short fall and hope other rooms will do the same so she's not out of picket. Stick it on the Hen WhatsApp too for transparency. Obviously you and your room mates are happy to accept another roomie if anyone wants drop outs place.
Above all remember this is drop outs fault so don't let it lead to squabbles between the reliable, trustworthy hens.

pontipinemum · 29/07/2023 21:53

FunGamesStuff · 28/07/2023 16:44

Why do people get involved in hen dos without getting everyone to pay upfront.

I will honestly never go to a hen again that isn't paid for up front. Years ago now I went to one where the 3rd in my room dropped out, the MOH did know this but never told us. On arrival we were told we had to pay and extra €120 each!! The other girl I was sharing with had to make an excuse not to come to dinner one of the nights because she couldn't afford it with the surprise payment. I was still in a grad job so pretty broke and had to put it on my cc.

OP I think the suggestion to split it between all the hens is very fair and yes MOH needs to arrange for payment now from everyone.

AGovernmentOfLawsAndNotMen · 29/07/2023 22:02

As you didn’t chose to be in a room of three and the MOH put you in your rooms the overall cost for everyone should be split equally between everyone going.

IncreasinglyGrumpy · 29/07/2023 22:04

No way should you and other roomies share the cost - the person dropping out should pay or if nobody wants to suggest that then everyone else can split it and move on -