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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the other hens should pay?

269 replies

Issueatwork · 28/07/2023 09:23

Friends hen party in 48 hours in a European city. It’s the first of our group of friends to be married and we’re all really happy and excited for her.

There are 20 attendees, and so the maid of honour found a hotel where she can book 5 rooms of 4, the cost per room for the weekend is £960, meaning £240pp.

The maid of honour chose who goes in which room and did a perfect job, everyone is with their friend/family group and worked out really well.

We have to pay by the end of the month and have been given time to save, however one person in my room has now dropped out due to money issues. The MOH has said the remaining three of us sharing this room now need to make up the £240 lost, so £80 each. This takes the cost from £240pp to £320pp for the three of us whilst the rest of the party pay the same.

If everybody in the party paid the difference it would only be an additional £12.63 each - WIBU to suggest this? I get it’s our hotel room, but could we not look at it as the cost of the accommodation per head has gone up as whole?

Never been to one of these weekends so unsure how these things work.

OP posts:
continentallentil · 28/07/2023 13:51

Absolutely that’s only £12 each

These things are a nightmare. Never be the organiser OP

Hibiscrubbed · 28/07/2023 13:53

Is this everyone’s first go at a hen do?! Because this is totally unfair. The cost should be spread among everyone if the drop-out truly won’t pay.

Choux · 28/07/2023 13:55

If your friend committed to going knowing the accom was £240 then she should pay. She doesn't need to go so can avoid the costs of meals drinks etc but what kind of person walks away from something she agreed to and let's other people pick up the tab?

I reckon the MOH is putting the extra cost on your room as you know her best so should be getting her to pay up.

Can anyone find someone else to take her place and let the friend off the hook?

towriteyoumustlive · 28/07/2023 13:57

Is that the price for room only or does it include any meals?

Of course you shouldn't be made to pay a third! That's ridiculous.

Perhaps ask the person who dropped out to pay half then split the rest between everyone.

Personally, if they insisted on you paying an extra £80 I'd be tempted to drop out too as it has become too expensive.

1993GoToo · 28/07/2023 13:58

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 28/07/2023 13:50

Just because they CANT AFFORD IT doesn't mean that morally, they should still cover the cost they agreed to pay.

Show quote history

And? Your point is moot - they are not going to pay because THEY DONT HAVE THE MONEY.

I am sure if they had it, they would be going.

But, again, that isnt what the OP is asking ...
🙄

Lottaflowers · 28/07/2023 13:58

Either the drop out needs to pay, or everyone shares the cost, or you just flatly refuse and only pay the amount you agreed to in the first place (I would do this!). Absolutely not fair that just the people in the room split the extra. What if more people drop out? The cost to you all will just keep going up and up. Hen do's are a nightmare for this sort of thing. Don't be surprised if more people drop out closer to the time citing similar reasons.

Choux · 28/07/2023 13:59

Issueatwork · 28/07/2023 11:24

I think it’s all booked but needs to be paid by the end of the month

Not to anyone organizing a hen do. Get the full money of everyone before you book so this can't happen.

diddl · 28/07/2023 13:59

£240pp to share a room with 3 other people?!

It does sound a lot doesn't it-even if it's for 2 nights!

SheRaaaaa · 28/07/2023 14:00

Can't someone else come last minute?

WeetabixTowels · 28/07/2023 14:08

diddl · 28/07/2023 13:59

£240pp to share a room with 3 other people?!

It does sound a lot doesn't it-even if it's for 2 nights!

Yes I thought this too. I’d rather have a Travelodge and a room to myself.

Wheresmyrobe · 28/07/2023 14:16

This is why I would never agree to something like this.

Cosyblankets · 28/07/2023 14:24

WeetabixTowels · 28/07/2023 14:08

Yes I thought this too. I’d rather have a Travelodge and a room to myself.

Show quote history

This is a very good point.
How big are these rooms that they can fit 4 and still cost that price? How much is a double?
If it's a european city i assume you've paid flights as well

SpainToday · 28/07/2023 14:26

If the drop-out person won't/can't pay, then the whole group should split this, paying £12 each. An extra £80 is a hefty amount, which could then lead to further drop-outs - where would it end?

Choux · 28/07/2023 14:30

The difficulty here is that the drop out is the least well known to the bride's close friends so there is no loyalty to her to want to cover her costs.

Plus I find it hard to believe the drop out literally not a penny to her name. If she has been made redundant she must have received a redundancy payment. Does she have family she could borrow the £240 from? On some level she is likely making a choice not to pay for this hotel room.

benfoldsfivefan · 28/07/2023 14:37

Choux · 28/07/2023 14:30

The difficulty here is that the drop out is the least well known to the bride's close friends so there is no loyalty to her to want to cover her costs.

Plus I find it hard to believe the drop out literally not a penny to her name. If she has been made redundant she must have received a redundancy payment. Does she have family she could borrow the £240 from? On some level she is likely making a choice not to pay for this hotel room.

Yeah, the drop out just doesn’t care enough about the group. If she was close to the bride you bet she’d be coughing up now. In any case, it’s shitty behaviour.

WhatNoRaisins · 28/07/2023 14:38

She's probably making a choice. From her perspective, especially if these aren't even her closest friends, she's not going to prioritise reimbursing for a trip she doesn't intend to go on. What she should do "morally" isn't helpful right now.

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 28/07/2023 14:39

Choux · 28/07/2023 14:30

The difficulty here is that the drop out is the least well known to the bride's close friends so there is no loyalty to her to want to cover her costs.

Plus I find it hard to believe the drop out literally not a penny to her name. If she has been made redundant she must have received a redundancy payment. Does she have family she could borrow the £240 from? On some level she is likely making a choice not to pay for this hotel room.

Exactly.

And to all the posters POSTING IN CAPS, she might not be able to afford the weekend as a whole: drinks, activities, outfits etc yet still be able to cough up the £240 she owes.

neverbeenskiing · 28/07/2023 14:42

Plus I find it hard to believe the drop out literally not a penny to her name.

Maybe she's prioritising things like rent, bills, food. OP has clearly said she's not paying so her reasons aren't relevant. As shitty as it might be, they need to accept it and find a solution that doesn't include her. They cannot force her to pay.

WhatNoRaisins · 28/07/2023 14:43

I might lend money to a desperate family member for food or bills but why on earth would I lend money so they could pay off a group of strangers for a badly planned holiday? What would motive anyone to do that.

StolenCookie · 28/07/2023 14:46

Outrageous for MOH to suggest the people who happen to be sharing a room cover the cost. This has genuinely pissed me off to read. What F-ing planet are people on?

Tapasgoofy · 28/07/2023 14:46

The women should cough up the £240. It doesn’t matter if she can’t afford it now. She made a commitment and others shouldn’t have to pay extra because of her.

Personally I would refuse to even pay the extra £13 because of someone else financial problems. It’s not mine to pay and by the sounds of it she’s hardly know. To the group. I’d tell the MOH she needs to get it from who it’s owed from, not make everyone cough up extra.

Seaweed42 · 28/07/2023 14:47

Are the rest of you in the room a sort of self-contained friend group or family?
Maybe that's the way the MOH is seeing it?

Similar if a mother, daughter, aunt and niece were in a room and one dropped out, the others would probably cover that room?
They wouldn't expect 3 brides workmates the never met, to cover their room?
So it depends on the situation.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 28/07/2023 14:48

Issueatwork · 28/07/2023 09:34

I feel really uncomfortable about the whole thing. The person who dropped out is the least closest to the bride but is my best friend. I think she was only initially invited to be included, so it almost feels like my responsibility!

I’m going to try to figure out how to relay this all the MOH

You should ask her for at least some of the cash when it's this last minute

Honeyroar · 28/07/2023 14:49

I only ever organised a group trip once, and I had everyone pay in full for their hotel room and group meal (set price) BRFORE I booked. They had two months to pay and I was brutal- if they hadn’t paid by X date they weren’t going. I only had one who quibbled and paid at the last minute. Other than that it worked well. No stress. If anyone then wanted to drop out it was their loss only and didn’t affect anything.

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 28/07/2023 14:52

Even if she can't afford the £240 (plus travel plus other non-accommodation costs of this extremely-expensive hen-do) why can't she contribute at least £50 towards the costs?
Then the 19 remaining people could all be asked to chip in £10 each. Once everyone's paid their £250, anyone else dropping out closer to the date obviously won't get a refund.