To think the other hens should pay?

[Issueatwork]

Friends hen party in 48 hours in a European city. It’s the first of our group of friends to be married and we’re all really happy and excited for her.

There are 20 attendees, and so the maid of honour found a hotel where she can book 5 rooms of 4, the cost per room for the weekend is £960, meaning £240pp.

The maid of honour chose who goes in which room and did a perfect job, everyone is with their friend/family group and worked out really well.

We have to pay by the end of the month and have been given time to save, however one person in my room has now dropped out due to money issues. The MOH has said the remaining three of us sharing this room now need to make up the £240 lost, so £80 each. This takes the cost from £240pp to £320pp for the three of us whilst the rest of the party pay the same.

If everybody in the party paid the difference it would only be an additional £12.63 each - WIBU to suggest this? I get it’s our hotel room, but could we not look at it as the cost of the accommodation per head has gone up as whole?

Never been to one of these weekends so unsure how these things work.

This is tricky.

Obviously the person dropping out should pay.

However, given you know she won't. I personally I wouldn't mind paying £13 ish extra if someone dropped out to sub the others. I think the whole cost should be divided and split because £80 is a huge increase for just 3 people out of 20.

That said, does that mean you will have more space in a room? 3 to one bathroom or any benefits? If so could you ask MoH to randomly reallocate? I dunno, clutching at straws a bit here I know but seems incredibly unfair that because one person in a room drops out only the 3 sharing with her have to pay.

What do the other 2 hens in your room think?

I think splitting the cost between everyone is fairer. I'd have to opt out if I had to find an unexpected £80
The MOH probably didn't think it through

Just say you can't afford it.

I took it as in this time she came to have money problems, that happens.
And times being what they are, no suprise really.
What is she going to pay with?

Yes, just point out to MoH it's unfair for 3 of the party to take the full hit. Suggest it might mean someone else from this room drops out because they can't afford a big jump in increased cost. Suggest everyone pays £13 more each which is less to find. See what she says. You could also talk to a few others in different rooms and see if they mind an additional £13.

The person who dropped out at my hen party paid the cost. My MOH was smart enough to collect the money first though!

She shouldn’t have agreed to go in the first place then.

Being an adult involves making responsible decisions and being responsible for your actions.

Definitely not on for the three in your room to take the hit. Agreed, it makes it a little more awkward that it’s your best friend who dropped out, but as long as she wasn’t invited just for you, it shouldn’t be your problem.
MOH was silly to book things without getting people to pay upfront.

”Hi, unfortunately paying an extra £80 isn’t manageable for me and I suspect also the other two in my room, and I wouldn’t have agreed to the hen do if I knew this would be the price. Is there a smaller room we are able to switch to? If not, I think it’s fairer if we all split the cost so it’s an extra £13 each.”

I had to pull.out of a hen do short notice due to COVID, I still paid my money, because that was the right thing to do.

As many others have said, your best friend should pay (how does she feel, as your best friend, about costing you this money?)

The ony other person at fault here is the maid-of-honour for booking without getting full payment from everyone, and then coming up with this unfair solution.

I am wondering if the person organsing this is in a different room and doesn't want to pay any more so is conning you in to paying more. I would drop out rather than pay £80.

If you are close enough to the other people in your room I would see if one of them could ask the question because its going to look off coming from the drop outs best friend

I would definitely not agree to split the extra cost between 3 only. Needs to be shared by all.

£12 is nothing, I’d pay it.

I’d be really pissed off. How close are you to the bride? If the MOH doesn’t back down, perhaps you could contact her and point out it’s unfair to make this your problem. The MOH is definitely at fault for not having collected the monies upfront.

If the hotel hasn't been paid yet, can you find another hotel?

This is a polite way to put it.

Hi OP,

Hen parties really bring out the worst in people, and their a financial nightmare.

Agreed with the majority response here that the drop out should be the one paying, but as you say that’s not going to happen.

I think a private message to the MOH along the lines of the below would do the job:
” Hi MOH, I wanted to message you re the hen and the cost of the room.

Unfortunately I can’t afford the extra £80 needed for the cost of our hotel room because of X dropping out. In all honesty, I also don’t think it should be on me and Y left in the room to absorb the cost just because we happened to be the ones sharing (albeit totally understand why you room shared us together). It’s a big jump in price for just two of us, and if that had been the cost from day 1 I don’t think I’d have been able to come!

In an ideal world X would cover the cost of dropping out still, but I don’t think that is going to be possible. Could we instead not split the cost between the entire group - £12.83 each extra rather than £80 for just two of us?”

It may not be a hill you want to die on, but if they tried this trick with me I’d say I’m pulling out as well then if the cost is going up that much…!

I mean the MOH should have collected 100% of the cost before booking so either she foots the bill or the whole party splits the lost income. No way would I shoulder a third of it!

You could argue the MOH should pay. She is the one, who literally had control over this issue and chose to spend her money without getting everything from the participants.

is it too late to invite someone else?

Very unfair on you. What if the others in your room drop out, will you be expected to pay the cost for all four! People will drop out if that is the situation.

I have reead countless threads on MN where a hen invitee has said yes to a hen do and then realised when it is too late that they just can't afford it.

The advice has always been to drop out and not many posters have said that she should pay.

I am going to a hen do in a few weeks time, but have already paid. Fortunately it is only afternoon tea and costs less than £30.

The problem will come when the other two in your room kick off about the extra £80 and also decide they can’t afford it. If they drop out too, then what?

It’s naive at best to imagine that 20 people will all turn up to anything. The MOH was bonkers to not get all the money up front, or to not book rooms that could be amended or cancelled up to the day before arrival.

Yeah, agree really the drop out friend should be paying, and the moh should have collected all money before booking but neither of those mean its your problem.

Otherwise if you say 'oh actually I can't afford the extra £80 so if I have to pay that I'll drop out too,' is she going to suggest the remaining 2 pay double everyone else's costs? £12 extra is the only fair way to do it.