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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think the other hens should pay?

269 replies

Issueatwork · 28/07/2023 09:23

Friends hen party in 48 hours in a European city. It’s the first of our group of friends to be married and we’re all really happy and excited for her.

There are 20 attendees, and so the maid of honour found a hotel where she can book 5 rooms of 4, the cost per room for the weekend is £960, meaning £240pp.

The maid of honour chose who goes in which room and did a perfect job, everyone is with their friend/family group and worked out really well.

We have to pay by the end of the month and have been given time to save, however one person in my room has now dropped out due to money issues. The MOH has said the remaining three of us sharing this room now need to make up the £240 lost, so £80 each. This takes the cost from £240pp to £320pp for the three of us whilst the rest of the party pay the same.

If everybody in the party paid the difference it would only be an additional £12.63 each - WIBU to suggest this? I get it’s our hotel room, but could we not look at it as the cost of the accommodation per head has gone up as whole?

Never been to one of these weekends so unsure how these things work.

OP posts:

Misty84 · 28/07/2023 12:50

If the drop out is refusing to pay then the cost should be shared equally between all the other hens. £13 each is not gonna break the bank.

No way should you pay £80 extra!! Say you can’t afford it. It’s totally unreasonable of the MOH.

drpet49 · 28/07/2023 12:52

Hufflepods · 28/07/2023 09:30

The original person should still pay, you can’t drop out after commuting and things being booked.
Failing that everyone should split it. It’s not the fault of the 3 people who happen to have been assigned a room with her.

This. Person who dropped out should pay.

decaffonlypls · 28/07/2023 12:52

I'd say "I'm sorry but I don't have a additional £80 spare. I would be happy to pay an extra £13 if the cost was split over the whole group let me know if you need the £13. Thanks"

Louoby · 28/07/2023 12:53

Absolutely agree. It's not your fault your room mate dropped. The cost should be split between all attendees

benfoldsfivefan · 28/07/2023 12:54

I think she was invited because the rest of the friendship group was invited so would have felt a bit mean excluding one person.

She probably suspects this, and maybe it’s this that’s a factor, if not the single truthful reason, in why she’s dropped out at this stage? She’s messed up and so has the MoH (from the beginning). You’d be a mug to pay £80.

Usedtolikefood · 28/07/2023 12:54

ChimChimeny · 28/07/2023 09:25

Actually the one who dropped out should still pay because she's left everyone else in the lurch

This.

But if they refuse I think it’s fairer for everyone to cover the cost, not just you in the room

EmmaPaella · 28/07/2023 13:00

KefaloniaKid · 28/07/2023 09:37

I'm disappointed. I thought this was a thread about impoverished chickens.

Me too!

Naunet · 28/07/2023 13:00

£240pp to share a room with 3 other people?! Wouldn’t it be cheaper to just all book your own rooms?? Sorry, it sounds like my nightmare but that’s totally besides the point 😄

I think IF she dropped out after the room was booked, she needs to pay, but you need to be sure of that first. Otherwise, splitting it equally through the group sounds fairest.

seemslikeeveryoneismad · 28/07/2023 13:02

Surely a compromise is the person dropping out makes a contribution (like a lost deposit) to cushion the blow then the shortfall is split between all the remaining people. You need to speak to your best friend about how unfair this is. I can't do the maths but if she coughs up a few quid maybe the supplement for everyone else would be less than a tenner.

TenoringBehind · 28/07/2023 13:02

Person who dropped out should pay

if they refuse then it should be shared between all of you not just the three sharing the room

Viviennemary · 28/07/2023 13:05

The one who dropped out should pay. If not the cost of her room should be shared out. Refuse to pay the extra or drop out yourself. This would leave a sour taste. What a mean selfish bunch.

Tangled123 · 28/07/2023 13:06

Boopeedoop · 28/07/2023 12:17

I had to pull.out of a hen do short notice due to COVID, I still paid my money, because that was the right thing to do.

Me too. Admittedly, I had already paid in full before getting Covid and was able to claim most of it back on travel insurance anyway. I wouldn’t have expected the other girls to cover me though.

Anewuser · 28/07/2023 13:09

That makes no sense at all. What if 3 people out of one room didn’t go, would the 4th person be expected to pay 4 times what everyone else is paying?

Basketballqueen · 28/07/2023 13:13

This has just happened to us - we’re dividing the total cost by those left …

Magssss · 28/07/2023 13:14

Anewuser · 28/07/2023 13:09

That makes no sense at all. What if 3 people out of one room didn’t go, would the 4th person be expected to pay 4 times what everyone else is paying?

I guess we might find out soon...

behonesthun · 28/07/2023 13:20

I'd say "sorry I can't afford to fork out near enough another £100, as well as pay for things during the stay". All seems so expensive for a Hen do, what happened to just getting pissed up with your mates, in your local town?

glovepillow22 · 28/07/2023 13:20

I would ask the drop out to pay half and split the rest either 3 ways or across the rest of you.

CKL987 · 28/07/2023 13:36

I don't know why nobody else in the bigger group has suggested it be split between everyone already.

Agapornis · 28/07/2023 13:36

Ask the hotel to move you to a 3 bed room, hopefully that'll reduce the cost?

WeetabixTowels · 28/07/2023 13:39

ChimChimeny · 28/07/2023 09:25

Actually the one who dropped out should still pay because she's left everyone else in the lurch

This.

£80 extra from now where would we’ll piss me off

neverbeenskiing · 28/07/2023 13:42

Why do people keep posting that the drop out should pay? We all know she should pay, OP knows she should pay, because that's what was agreed originally. But she doesn't have the money, that's why she has dropped out! How are posters expecting OP to forcibly extract money from her friend that she doesn't have?

OP, the MOH is BU. It's not your fault your friend dropped out, or that the MOH wasn't sensible enough to get all the money upfront before booking. I would message her and say "I don't think it's fair for 3 of us to pay £80 more because we happened to be sharing with the person who dropped out. It should be split between all of us, that way we've all paid the same and no one is having to overstretch themselves". Not "do you think we could", or "would it be ok if"...be direct. She would be daft to kick up a fuss because IME once one person drops out others often follow! But if she or any of the other hens object to paying £12 then I would seriously consider saying fuck this for a game of soldiers and dropping out too.

1993GoToo · 28/07/2023 13:45

Quite sensibly, the OP isn't asking if the drop out can pay because THEY DROPPED OUT BECAUSE THEY DONT HAVE THE MONEY.

She is asking if the 3 in the room should pay, or if it should be split between the whole group.

Just spelling it out for those hard of reading who are still saying cancel the cheque that the drop out should pay

diddl · 28/07/2023 13:45

I think that the cost should be split between everyone if a different room can't be booked.

Or maybe 3 could choose to pay slightly more to be in a 4 bed room if there's any advantage?

Whose idea was it for the hen to be a couple of days away?

I can't help thinking if I was the bride & this was the hen do I really wanted I would feel responsible for paying so that the others didn't have to.

Gateappreciation · 28/07/2023 13:48

if the oerff sad on who dropped out originally said she would go, she pay (or at least contribute). She would still be saving money, as she won’t have all the additional expenses, drinks, etc

Darling this, , the cost shoukd be spread evenly across everyone who’s going.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 28/07/2023 13:50