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Original poster

Ageism on Mumsnet (and in society)

450 replies

SusanandMidge · 27/07/2023 14:19

There's a discussion going on at the moment as to whether old people should be made move out of their family homes to free them up for younger couples (which thankfully no one on that particular thread is endorsing). However it's a topic that has come up a number of times on MN with many posters bitterly begrudging the fact that old people are 'hogging' family sized homes, or that their parents' house is now worth ten times what they paid for it in 1972.

I have also seen posters complaining about elderly people using the supermarket at weekends or being in the post office at lunchtime, because they should leave these busy times to working people; questioning why their teenagers should offer seats to elderly people who travel for free; and in many ways belittling and being unpleasant about the older generation.

I know all generations get their stereotyping but some of the ageism is really unpleasant. It's a minority of posters but their begrudging, bitter and hostile attitude towards the elderly can be really depressing to read.

OP posts:
Wateryfix · 27/07/2023 14:35

I agree, I’m not old but I hope to be one day, so even from a selfish perspective why would I want to insult/diminish/treat poorly etc, the group I hope to be a part of one day.

Screamingabdabz · 27/07/2023 14:42

Agreed - Any MIL hating on MN always has ‘old bag’ or ‘witch’ or ‘hag’ insults thrown in. The MIL in question could theoretically be in her 40s or 50s!

As a woman in my 50s it’s very disheartening to think that all my life I’ve been discriminated against because of my sex and social class and now, it seems, my age is against me. Sad that women are dismissed like this, especially by other women.

LuciferRising · 27/07/2023 14:49

The thing is, unless they are unlucky, they will be old one day and if they've spilt their bile into society, they will reap what they sow.

Not good for everyone else though.

BIWI · 27/07/2023 14:50

It's also against MN's Talk Guidelines, so if you see it (and there is a lot of it), then report it.

Dotjones · 27/07/2023 14:53

YANBU but society likes to have someone they can blame for the problems it has. You can't blame everything on foreigners, gay people or women these days and get away with it. The targets that are "fair game" for now are old people, young people, fat people and anyone who doesn't identify as being the gender of the sex they were born as.

Wildlog · 27/07/2023 14:53

I always report posts which suggest getting back at MILS by tricking them into thinking they have dementia. The posts that suggests its just for a laugh to teach the old bat a lesson. Imagine posts suggesting punishing young women by gas lighting them into believing they have a terminal illness.
There are so many against posts on here from posters who clearly believe they are never going to get old.

W0tnow · 27/07/2023 14:55

The elderly should not be forced to sell their homes but I think reverse mortgages should be a thing.

gogomoto · 27/07/2023 15:03

Rather than ageism I just see jealousy, envy but not realising just how hard it was for many of these people when they were 20's/30's/40's ... life for even those at lower incomes is not as hard, end of, we expect life to be easier. Ok I'm generalising but I remember the 70's, life was tough, even through the 80's a week at a British holiday park was a holiday (not a staycation, something to be looked down upon) we were in awe of the girl in my class who went to Lanzaroti for a week (in term time!) I see parents with young children who expect life to be no different to pre kids)

ghostyslovesheets · 27/07/2023 15:04

I am always amazed at what passes for 'old' and 'elderly' on MN - I'm 53 so obviously had a blessed existence, got my first home for 50p and had no student debt - now I am an 'old hag' obviously I can't wear sequins, or party dresses, or trainers, or jeans because I am ancient and it looks bad, my hair must be cut short, I never have sex, I must sell my house because I'm selfish to own it, I can't drive well as I'm so very old, I definitely need to avoid clubs or pubs because I look embarrassing doing anything fun etc etc

Truth is I lived through the 70's (in poverty) with the trikes and power cuts, survived Thatcher and the cold war, went to Uni as a mature student - and acquired debts from loans , purchased my first home because it was in a shit, stabby part of town and it was all I could afford - I have hair down to my back, nice clothes, love sex, go out and even dance in public - what's the poem - 'when I am an old lady I will wear purple' - well I am not an old lady but when I am I will still ignore the idiotic views on how I 'should' behave and all the misogyny and ageism that informs it.

MN is full of such shit!

watersprites · 27/07/2023 15:07

That's not what the OP actually says though

watersprites · 27/07/2023 15:08

personally I see just as many "boomers are selfish" comments as "young people are entitled ".

BIWI · 27/07/2023 15:09

Ageism is about any age though - not just about old(er) people.

ghostyslovesheets · 27/07/2023 15:10

gogomoto · 27/07/2023 15:03

Rather than ageism I just see jealousy, envy but not realising just how hard it was for many of these people when they were 20's/30's/40's ... life for even those at lower incomes is not as hard, end of, we expect life to be easier. Ok I'm generalising but I remember the 70's, life was tough, even through the 80's a week at a British holiday park was a holiday (not a staycation, something to be looked down upon) we were in awe of the girl in my class who went to Lanzaroti for a week (in term time!) I see parents with young children who expect life to be no different to pre kids)

I do agree with a lot of this - I grew up hard up in a small town, no one went on flash holidays, we didn't eat out, go away much (except to stay with family), cakes where home made, crisps and pop a birthday treat, we had 'bed inspections' from the DHSS early mornings (mum was a single parent), I knew not to open the door as it might be bailiffs, we had one gas fire and a paraffin heater etc etc (it's getting into Monty Python territory).

I do think peoples expectations and entitlement is higher these days - yes I do agree that it is way hard to get on the property ladder etc - but it's also expected now - it wasn't when I was little. Hardship is not being unable to afford a new car, nice two week holiday in the sun, or a 3 bed new build - it's just not fun to not have those things

Cheesusisgrate · 27/07/2023 15:11

"There's a discussion going on at the moment as to whether old people should be made move out of their family homes to free them up for younger couples (which thankfully no one on that particular thread is endorsing)." However it's a topic that has come up a number of times on MN

That's why OP asked how do they imagine it would work. The thread was supposed to question the people who say it but 90% didn't read past title unfortunately.

ghostyslovesheets · 27/07/2023 15:16

I think my second post doesn't say what I wanted it to! I just think some times there is a perception that those of us in our 50's/60's lived in a golden age of wealth and had everything we wanted - even 'Boomers' like my mum experienced poverty and hardship

PurpleChrayne · 27/07/2023 15:20

I agree. Why should single elderly people clog up four bedroom homes?

ghostyslovesheets · 27/07/2023 15:23

I have a 4 bed home - when my second child follows the first to Uni in Sept there will just be me and child 3 living here full time - I'm not going to sell it - it's my home - hth

Cheesusisgrate · 27/07/2023 15:24

I think purple here is trolling you. There is thread people with that opinion were invited to explain how the logistics would work

ghostyslovesheets · 27/07/2023 15:25

I saw that thread - I knew the actual question would be ignored - I'm pretty sure Purple is being a GF don't worry

neveradullmoment99 · 27/07/2023 15:29

Screamingabdabz · 27/07/2023 14:42

Agreed - Any MIL hating on MN always has ‘old bag’ or ‘witch’ or ‘hag’ insults thrown in. The MIL in question could theoretically be in her 40s or 50s!

As a woman in my 50s it’s very disheartening to think that all my life I’ve been discriminated against because of my sex and social class and now, it seems, my age is against me. Sad that women are dismissed like this, especially by other women.

Oh absolutely this.
I mean, everyone gets old. Women berating other women for their age is shocking!

Screamingabdabz · 27/07/2023 15:30

PurpleChrayne · 27/07/2023 15:20

I agree. Why should single elderly people clog up four bedroom homes?

Because they’ve worked all their lives for the money that paid for them ffs. They can do what they like. 🙄

neveradullmoment99 · 27/07/2023 15:30

I never had any issue until I grew my grey hair in. I've had various comments. I'm mid 50's. One such person assumed I couldn't use the Internet.

Sigmama · 27/07/2023 15:32

Purplechrayne, Why are so many cars single occupancy, surely that's the same argument?

Coyoacan · 27/07/2023 15:33

You left out the idea that grandparents who aren't on tap to babysit the grandchildren at the convenience of their children should rot in hell and definitely not be assisted in any way when they become infirm.

Oldnproud · 27/07/2023 15:39

I agree with you completely, OP.

The ageism is becoming horrible on MN. There are a few posters who manage to squeeze a really nasty anti-Boomer comment onto threads on almost any topic.

And if all the elderly with large houses downsized, I can imagine the bitter cries then accusing them of buying up all the homes suitable for first-time buyers or small families instead.

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