Ageism on Mumsnet (and in society)

[SusanandMidge]

There's a discussion going on at the moment as to whether old people should be made move out of their family homes to free them up for younger couples (which thankfully no one on that particular thread is endorsing). However it's a topic that has come up a number of times on MN with many posters bitterly begrudging the fact that old people are 'hogging' family sized homes, or that their parents' house is now worth ten times what they paid for it in 1972.

I have also seen posters complaining about elderly people using the supermarket at weekends or being in the post office at lunchtime, because they should leave these busy times to working people; questioning why their teenagers should offer seats to elderly people who travel for free; and in many ways belittling and being unpleasant about the older generation.

I know all generations get their stereotyping but some of the ageism is really unpleasant. It's a minority of posters but their begrudging, bitter and hostile attitude towards the elderly can be really depressing to read.

Sorry just got to say great user name. Ages you a bit though.

I agree. Why should single elderly people clog up four bedroom homes?

Because they bought them and paid for them. Anything else you'd like to steal off them while you've got your greedy paws out?
No better than scammers that prey off the elderly, some of you.

Yes. My parents were tiny children in that war. One lost a parent. Both were scarred by it. Yet 'did well'. Without education.
Very well actually. But I didn't see any of that growing up because it was all saved and ploughed back in. Born in 1937 and 1940 they didn't fly until the late 1980s when they were in their late 40s.
They died two years ago and it amazes me what they achieved and what they went without.
I'm the inheritor of the wealth. Lucky me. But I do happen to believe inheritance tax should be higher. Higher lower threashold but above that, inherited wealth should be walloped harder

In China they regard their elders as very much the most important and respected members of the family. Absolutely always in the family home and essentially a beacon of knowledge and experience towards the young.

We could do well to look and learn. It's disgusting how disposable the elderly are treated in this country.

also if all us oldies buy smaller houses - spend the equity on Saga holidays and comfy shoes - there is a lot less for us to sell off when we have to pay for our care - I mean at least a 4 bed is worth more

And yet the 20+ continue to have babies they "can't afford" and expect the older generation to subsidize them with free childcare and house deposits

And you think agism is mainly pointed towards the elderly?? I am early forties. So no skin in the game really. I'm not young and I'm not old. But I can guarantee that the way I see it the older generation are getting a MUCH better deal than the younger ones. No wonder they're pointing it out (and getting accused of agism by the same older people!)

How?

I was going to write something very similar, so you have saved me the job.

Everyone I know on their 20’s live in a nice home have fancy holidays, Mercedes or Range Rovers and always have meals out. Which is fine - it we can’t claim there’s a generational struggle when actually, as a PP pointed out, childhoods of 70s/80s children were not typically like that. We live in a generation of young people wanting all the nice things available to them, and it’s old people’s fault!

Id also love to know what the young people are doing to ensure the next generation don’t suffer like they do. As it’s a constant complaint that Boomers (I am not a boomer BTW) only ever thought of themselves

The ageism is appalling. But I am also baffled by the very odd flexible timelines some people inhabit. All "old people"-presumably anyone over 60- appear to have been brought up in the Victorian era, rather than the 1960s and 70s!

You've only got to read a few threads on Style and Beauty to see appalling ageism.

@CurlewKate on MN 'old' means 50+ - even over 45 at times - there was a thread about a beautiful sequin dress someone wanted to wear for their 50th birthday - the outrage at how anyone that old would show their legs was hysterical

Your statistics leave out the inconvenient fact that the largest group of non voters were in the young category. If they had turned out and exercised their right (and voted to remain) then we wouldn't be in the post Brexit mess we're now in.

Maybe aim your criticism at their apathy and indifference.

I recently saw on MN at 35 being described as middle aged 😂

I also once posted about in a thread about how I went clubbing with my MIL at the weekend, she was 63 at the time. The comments - people disgusted and asking me if I was embarrassed and ashamed. I’m pretty sure I made one poster vomit. People think anyone over 60 should only knit and stay quiet. It’s like they don’t realise their time will come one day.

you know what else post war families benefitted from? A massive building or affordable homes 'fit for hero's' and social housing - not 4-5 bed estates of 'executive' dethatched boxes with 4 smaller affordable homes tagged on to meet the quota. This was a government plan to invest to meet the need - build new towns, house people - maybe THIS is what's needed now - a government willing to invest in it's people - build housing they can buy or rent and still live - not selling off social housing to get votes I see you Thatcher and allowing private landlords to profit?

I grew up in the 60s and 70s. My parents never took us abroad on holiday, not because they couldn’t afford it but because they just didn’t want to. Dad had had enough of “abroad” during the war. I was in awe of the girl down the road who went to Jersey,never mind the one who went to Majorca. These days many kids have been all over the world by the time they start secondary school.

I’m not sure it’s older people’s fault they got decent sized houses. New builds are pathetically small. We viewed one and I swear it was like a hobbit house made of cardboard for half a million quid. But again, that’s far beyond the fault of the general older population!

OK fine, but 50 years before you were growing up the average poster probably would've said that they grew up hard up in a small town where no one went on holiday, except maybe if they went to pick hops in the countryside. Cakes weren't home made, they were rarely eaten at all, birthday presents were often non existent and there was only one coal stove in the house which heated and fed a family of 7 etc. Would you have expected your parents to give up anything that took their living situation back 50 years to save some money?

Isn't the point of civilisation/ society to try and progress? The things you've listed are normal things in our society now. Shouldn't people be able to aim for them, and not struggle?

@WeetabixTowels no - that's my point - it was because the post war government spent the money to build affordable housing, built social housing and cracked down on slum landlords - maybe that is an issue that needs addressing today?

There was a post the other day which included reference to someone's dad in his early 60s, and which questioned his ability to drive in London due to his advanced age.

This kind of casual ageism pisses me off even more than "old bag" type insults.

I'm not aiming for them - just pointing out that us 'old' people didn't live some dream lifestyle we are now denying the youth through our heartless money grabbing!

It’s a Catch 22 isn’t it really. We live on a small island and we desperately need better and bigger houses. We want to protect green land but also we need more houses. Not high rises as they’re a danger and shit - but no space for proper houses.

I don’t really know what the solution is TBH

There was a time that people lived with their parents and then left to get married . Single people never occupied a home all on their own , perhaps it's them that is causing the housing shortage .

Where I live (roughly counting in my head) 12 new build estates have been built in the last 10 years - including one on the council golf course (sold for £1) - all of them at 3-5 bed, all private, all pushing local house prices up, now around £750k for a 4 bed.

Maybe that land could have been purchased centrally to build affordable homes and council stock? Rather than lining the pockets or private companies.

Yanbu.

I'm 60, so not particularly old but I'm getting there. DS and I live in a four bed detached house. He'll leave for uni and I'll retire in three years.

At that point I plan to sell our home and move somewhere less expensive, with fewer bedrooms. I have spent time looking for a 2 or 3 bed house with a decent sized sitting room and a decent sized garden/veggie plot. Doesn't have to be a bungalow. I can't find one.

Instead I've bought a tiny plot of land. Room enough for one small house with garden and parking. If I get planning permission, I'll sell here and build my retirement house.

But I've spent 12 years insulating, rewiring, reroofing, renovating and generally upgrading our home. No-one else wanted this house when it was damp and cold and single glazed. It had been on the market for 18 months. They'd had no other offers. Why should I be expected to give it up when I've done all the work that no-one else could be arsed to do?