Dd thinks i'm tight. I think I'm sensible.

[malificent7]

Dp ( soon to be dh)and I earn £65,000 pa between us.We are lucky enough to have a mortgage and we went abroad last year.
Due to the rising cost of living we are scaling back. This year we are holidaying in a caravan holiday park in Cornwall for 5 nights. I shop at Lidl ( always have) and a bit of Tescos. I'm always looking for the cheapest product in supermarkets etc. Dd would live to shop Waitrose ( not happening and I love Lidl anyway.)

We have ditched our big white wedding for a simple registry office and restaurant with a 3 night stay in Devon air b and b for honeymoon.

Dd (15) is a bit sneery about this and says I'm tight. For context, some of her school friends are much better off and are going on a string of exotic holidays, festivals, shopping sprees etc. Some of them she describes as " old money."

Recently I went for a slightly better paid job but decided it wasn't for me as the commute was horrendous. I didn't get it anyway...Dd was incredulous that I didn't want a 2 hour hour commute each way for £5,000 extra a year.

She does work as a waitress so she knows how hard it is to earn ££. She wants to be super rich...fair play to her but Dp and I are starting to feel inadequate.

Aibu to think that I am being sensible...not tight and dd needs a reality check.

I do feel bad anyway that I didn't chase ££ younger but that was explained on another thread.

To be honest, it sounds like none of her business to me!

I do blame social media partly as everything is so well curated to look amazing.

Dd is 15 and I've taken her to Menorca, Ibiza (x2), Paris, Crete and Corfu. Weare saving for Rome so she is well travelled!

In Cornwall we are doing tons of sightseeing including Eden Project...she does love Cornwall but Thailand etc looks more fun. ( i went there before dd but summer is the worst time to go!).

Sorry but it’s really sad spending best part of £20k on a car rather than exploring the world with your kids . Just my opinion and I’m not a car person.

You don't sound tight you sound sensible. Tell your DD when she earns the money she can spend it as she pleases. She sounds like a madam and you questioning your behaviour rather than pulling her up on hers will only add to the problem. Ignore her and she will get the message. Or move out. Don't feed her attitudes OP.

She clearly doesn't understand money. £5k more a year for that commute is pointless. I'm also planning a wedding and it's grossly expensive.

I also doubt she knows any old money types unless you live by stately homes or on the Kings Road.

I've been all over the world - Maldives, California, Mexico etc. I still go to Cornwall most years. It's my favourite destination!

She may also need reminding that most is us who want to be super rich don't get super rich. We end up middle. She'll realise in her 20s.

In regards to the comments about spending a holiday somewhere exotic instead of in a Cornish caravan where it may be raining, I hear Rhodes is lovely and warm at this time of year.

If you cannot afford things as proper holidays then that’s ok but remember to enjoy life hun . A good friend has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer at 41 and she spend the last 5 years worried about putting money aside and just having small caravan breaks . She is now to poorly to travel and wishes she had taken the kids and hubby abroad and had different experiences with them .
By all means be sensible with money but remember the meaning of life is to enjoy each other . Have a good holiday , haves good meal out , buy treats just because you deserve , even if only once in a while .

Completely agree . We spend about 13 k on holidays this year ( more than one and more tha we normally do )
but life is short , loosing someone close and about to loose someone even younger than me made me rethink

The experiences we have had as a family with the dds visiting Spain / Austria / Germany /France / Holland and Italy are incalculably precious. We often talk about our trips and they were so bonding as a family. Both dds opted to do languages at a level. The thought of not having done that but having a fancier car instead makes me want to cry frankly.

Well she’s not going to be rich being a waitress all her life!

The job you do at 15 as a schoolgirl isn’t the job you do for life though?!
It’s a positive she has got a pt job.

Oh the hand wringing and stealth bragging on this thread is hilarious.

most people don’t even buy their own car, they lease them.

@malificent7 was asking if she’s mean. She’s not. Nobody cares about anyone else’s holiday budget, opinions on cars/no cars. It’s not about you, it’s about @malificent7

I don’t think not having an annual foreign holiday means the girl is missing out. It sounds like she’s been abroad every other year.
We are in a pretty affluent area and my dc went on an international Guides trip on a plane when she was 12 ish and several on trip hadn’t flown, all from families with decent incomes opting to holiday in uk or drive to France etc instead.

We go abroad whenever we can but not this year.

15 year olds don't always appreciate the value of money. One of my DDs is 15 and she thinks that getting a takeaway might put us at risk of eviction. She doesn't have a real concept of relative cost and just hears a big (to her) amount of money.

What on earth are you on about?

I don't know anyone whose leased a car. Its a mugs game and recommended against.

She's not living in the real world. My DH and I earn about £80k in total and we still shop at aldi. We don't have much left each month and still try to be careful

lol having to be “careful” on 80k is not “real world” either.

mumsnet is a parallel universe sometimes.

@Thisismynewusername1 just because we're not at food banks doesn't mean we're flush!! Yes we do have a nice house and car, and we live in the SE which is expensive. Yes we could downsize but we don't want to as we like the area we live in. But that doesn't mean we don't have to watch what we spend 🙄

I showed my kids our outgoings once and they then saw how quickly our income disappears and stopped asking for stuff.

DP and I earn a very significant 6 figure sum between us. I shop in Aldi and ALWAYS look for best value. I sometimes think I overdo it, but I did not grow up rich and I don’t waste money on “stuff” or “brands”.

The kids complain bitterly about how tight I am (Heinz tomato ketchup €4.50 vs Aldi 80c) but my line to them is that we have money because we look after it. When they have their own money they can buy whatever they like.

I did the same. Worked really well.

Teens are scathing. You do you and don't think you have to justify your outgoings to her. You sound incredibly sensible. Fair play to dd for earning her own money though.
Just one thing. Isn't holidaying in this country as much, or more, than a package abroad?

She's not lived her life yet.

Are you for real silly woman????