Dd thinks i'm tight. I think I'm sensible.

[malificent7]

Dp ( soon to be dh)and I earn £65,000 pa between us.We are lucky enough to have a mortgage and we went abroad last year.
Due to the rising cost of living we are scaling back. This year we are holidaying in a caravan holiday park in Cornwall for 5 nights. I shop at Lidl ( always have) and a bit of Tescos. I'm always looking for the cheapest product in supermarkets etc. Dd would live to shop Waitrose ( not happening and I love Lidl anyway.)

We have ditched our big white wedding for a simple registry office and restaurant with a 3 night stay in Devon air b and b for honeymoon.

Dd (15) is a bit sneery about this and says I'm tight. For context, some of her school friends are much better off and are going on a string of exotic holidays, festivals, shopping sprees etc. Some of them she describes as " old money."

Recently I went for a slightly better paid job but decided it wasn't for me as the commute was horrendous. I didn't get it anyway...Dd was incredulous that I didn't want a 2 hour hour commute each way for £5,000 extra a year.

She does work as a waitress so she knows how hard it is to earn ££. She wants to be super rich...fair play to her but Dp and I are starting to feel inadequate.

Aibu to think that I am being sensible...not tight and dd needs a reality check.

I do feel bad anyway that I didn't chase ££ younger but that was explained on another thread.

When I was working our income was half of yours but we still managed a holiday and we still shop at Waitrose for meat and their own brand products.

You sound like a reverse snob who enjoys saving money. There is nothing wrong with that but maybe a cottage instead of a caravan, or a nice venue for part of your wedding?

Don't cut corners when you might enjoy spending a bit more unless you actually have to.

I don't buy brands because I go to Waitrose.
I would recommend their own brand Essentials range: Loo roll, teabags, squash, frozen peas and all frozen veg, antibacterial spray, window spray, cleaning wipes, cleaning sponges, milk etc.

Do you have an actuaI budget, written out, showing aII expenditures and income? If so, share this with her. Sit her down, and show her where the money goes, and heIp her understand that you are not tight, you just don't have the disposabIe income that she wouId Iike for you to have. Good teaching moment!

You're so tight you squeak.... I always Remember that line from TOWIE
But no you're sensible I wish I was more "tight" I buy something from a shop everyday

when she earns the money she can choose when and where to spend it.
On a side note you’re being quite judgemental towards other shops - lots of foods are much cheaper (and superior quality IMO) in M&S such as chicken thighs and wings. Don’t make assumptions until you’ve actually shopped there

She's a child with no understanding of money or the real world OP. Ignore her.

Don't ignore her, educate her.

Explain to her how much of a headline £5k pay rise will be lost to tax, national insurance, pension contributions, higher travel costs, the need for increased clothing budget for a higher level job etc..

Teach her to budget her own money, having to live with the natural consequences if she messes it up.

The point was that you being careful is a choice. You are flush, but have decided to spend it on housing and cars. The OP is spending her income of £65k on something.You have money, you spend it. That's very different to someone who has to watch everything they spend, because they are on £20k. A lot of people on MN saying that they don't have any luxuries on £50k + are kidding themselves (not including necessary housing costs and essential childcare). People around me earn 1/3-1/2 the amounts I read on here and are all going on holiday outside the UK. They aren't people who have no housing etc costs or handouts from family. Shopping at Aldi means nothing. You can be buying pasta, mince and£1.50 pizzas, or the best wagu burgers and steak.

If you do take them on holiday they will moan about that and want to be at home with their mates!

We are on a combined income of 65. I earn 30,000. Last year in Corfu we did multiple trips out and ate out twice a day. This year wecan't do that. I have an excellent credit rating due to lack of debt.

I have an excellent credit rating due to a fair bit of debt. I manage it well which is why my rating is 999.

it still comes back to it being your choice to spend your money on other things. I have chosen to cash in some savings and take my teens away as I reckon at 15 we only have about 3 or 4 more “family” holidays left before uni etc.

at 65k you probably could afford it, you just choose to prioritise the money elsewhere. Which is your choice. But you can’t say your lack of disposable spending is because you don’t have the money.

@Ponoka7 said it better than me. If you were on an income of 20k then it’s not being “tight” it’s you don’t have the money. But your teen may see putting money aside for savings, new car etc over holidays as “tight”.

btw my parents think I am “tight” as I don’t spend money on what I deem as unnecessary things. I spend my money on what i choose, which isn’t how they think I should be spending my money. So it depends on your pov 🤷‍♀️

Agreed. When I buy cheap chicken thighs they seem to halve in size during the cooking process. It's false economy to save a £1 but end up with half.

Earn about the same and needing to dip into savings (inheritance) to make ends meet! Sensible in current climate, not tight! And I love Aldi xx

She may not fully understand the change even though you have explained it to her.

Having always had holidays abroad, that may be part of her identity “we always go abroad”. Clearly that has to change. But I get that it may be emotionally tough for her when her richer friends aren’t changing.

You are being sensible. Your duty to her is to maintain your own financial stability, which is exactly what you are doing.

The more you talk to her about the mechanics of finance, the better it will be for her own decisions in the future.

Good post

A tough age she needs a realty check money dosent grow on trees do a spread sheet with all the income and expenditure on it if she wants her own money get her to find a part time job

Tell your DD to piss off and mind her own bloody business, say you will speak to her about being rich and successful in 20 years but until she has lived life as an adult and financially sustained her own lifestyle then you do not want to get into conversations with her about your commute, your income or what adult decisions you and your DP, who are providing for her, wish to make. This is coming from a mother of a 15 year old DD who has a similar attitude at times. Also remind her that none of her friends are better off they all have nothing to their name - it’s their parents who may be better off. Sometimes they all need reminding that they actually have fuck all and they need to stay in their lane.

I was about to suggest this exact thing. My mum did this me when I was a teen and it made me really understand the cost of things and appreciate how much they paid for and how hard they worked to provide for me and my siblings. It also helped me manage my money as an adult, to know exactly what I had coming in and going out and the amount of disposable income I had to save or spend.

re extra commute, convert the extra hours to cash based on your hourly rate, it's never usually worth it...

Talk her through the family finances. What you have coming in, how you allocate it, how you decide where to splurge, pension, emergency fund etc. You will either bore her into submission or give a good grounding in financial management!

Also worth looking at some data on how much real people actually earn with different jobs and benefits etc. She may be looking at lots of big shiny houses on Instagram and not actually have an idea of how most people are. Also it's such an important lesson to learn that some people are richer than you and some poorer and not to be a dick about either.