Dd thinks i'm tight. I think I'm sensible.

[malificent7]

Dp ( soon to be dh)and I earn £65,000 pa between us.We are lucky enough to have a mortgage and we went abroad last year.
Due to the rising cost of living we are scaling back. This year we are holidaying in a caravan holiday park in Cornwall for 5 nights. I shop at Lidl ( always have) and a bit of Tescos. I'm always looking for the cheapest product in supermarkets etc. Dd would live to shop Waitrose ( not happening and I love Lidl anyway.)

We have ditched our big white wedding for a simple registry office and restaurant with a 3 night stay in Devon air b and b for honeymoon.

Dd (15) is a bit sneery about this and says I'm tight. For context, some of her school friends are much better off and are going on a string of exotic holidays, festivals, shopping sprees etc. Some of them she describes as " old money."

Recently I went for a slightly better paid job but decided it wasn't for me as the commute was horrendous. I didn't get it anyway...Dd was incredulous that I didn't want a 2 hour hour commute each way for £5,000 extra a year.

She does work as a waitress so she knows how hard it is to earn ££. She wants to be super rich...fair play to her but Dp and I are starting to feel inadequate.

Aibu to think that I am being sensible...not tight and dd needs a reality check.

I do feel bad anyway that I didn't chase ££ younger but that was explained on another thread.

Yep... True old money is having a multi million estate that is litrally falling down around you and eating what you shot yourself.

They aren't 'rich' they are 'old money' (they where rich once but not anymore, they own land but thats about it, the debts and upkeep usually nigh on bankrupting but they won't give up the 'legacy').

Most that still have money are just plain old 'rich people'.

No disrespect to anyone, but back in my day the kids that had money/all latest stuff (working class background) lived in council houses and the ones that didn't their parents had big mortgages. Later on in life the former had nothing to leave their children i.e inheritance/property. The latter are able to leave behind life changing money , as they will now have an asset which is valuable.
I can see this repeating again with this generation .

@Mayhem3
I have worked in retail for years.

Yes a lot of retailers use the same factories, however, within factories there are different manufacturing lines and also it is very, very common that every retailer will have a different spec (specification) - this could be different ingredients, size of ingredient, grade of ingredient, different manufacturing technique etc.

Some foods the difference is negligible e.g. OL Plain flour. Other foods there is a lot of difference e.g. sausages

I think judging by her age, she’s in that ‘know it all’ stage of adolescence. Take no notice and you keep being sensible.

My best childhood holiday was a caravan in Devon... I had also stayed in some famous 'top' hotels that I found shit in comparison.

Sun, the beauty of the south west and being near the beach. Your own private space (not just a room possibly shared with another family member). Especially with living area and kitchen beats out hotels every single time.

How can you not think £65k isn’t comfortable? Especially with no mortgage. I don’t understand why they have to live so frugally. We earn a lot less, still have a mortgage and really do have to be careful with money at the moment. I’ve never been a cash splasher even when I had a bigger salary in pre Covid times, but I don’t understand why the OP is so cautious.

They’ve got a mortgage.

DD just sounds immature and ignorant of the realities of life, as many might well be at her age.

Your DD doesn't have a clue what she is talking about! A 2 hour commute is a horrible thing! And you have to fund it so you'd need to work out if it was worthwhile for the money (let alone the time). But why let her make you feel inadequate? Just say "You do you when you're old enough, we live within our means and happiness and contentment is more important!" She will learn when she is older that it's not all that easy!

She's 15, so has zero concept of real life.

Of course yanbu but yanbu to let her comments get to you. She's a 15 year old know it all, not dissimilar to a lot of kids her age. She's working a weekend job I presume so I would educate her on how many hours she would need to work to earn certain things she wants.

Well it’s horses for courses isn’t it really. I’d never spend 18k on a new car, we just have an old second hand one.

But we spent 10k on a holiday this year. Then we upscaled our kitchen DIY for £1,500 when really we could have spent the 10k on a new kitchen. But stuff like that just doesn’t bother me. I’d rather go on holiday and see the world.

My memories from childhood all centre around holidays and I can’t even remember what car we drove tbh.

What i’m saying is people prioritise different things and that’s ok.

I wouldn't pay the slightest bit of attention to DD's comments. She's 15. Needling at parents is what 15-year-olds do. If it wasn't money, it would be something else, so don't worry about it. It's also none of her business what kind of job you decide to do and what value you place on your time.

Sure, she has a job, so she knows that work = pay, but she's a child so she doesn't have the slightest idea of how a salary translates a household budget. Spend your money how you like, her comments mean nothing.

Op says she has a mortgage. There’s nothing to suggest they are living frugally.
Take home could well be less than people imagine if they have student loans and are in careers with decent pension contributions. Factoring in two commutes and all associated costs plus general rising costs of bills they probably aren’t sloshing with spare money.
Lidl/Tesco for food is perfectly normal.
Last year they had an abroad holiday.
This year they are having a Uk holiday which won’t be cheap in school hols once petrol, eating out, trips and activities factored in. Plus funding their wedding even a more modest do could be a few thousand pounds - clothes, fees, meal & drinks, flowers and small honeymoon.
The dd doesn’t sound like she’s living a frugal life just feeling a bit hard done to as ‘Eva’ is on Snapchat in Turkey, ‘Molly’s’ at Alton towers and ‘Kate’s’ on instagram in Spain.
If she’s usually ok I’d ignore the moaning - oh that’s nice for them approach. If it’s a recurring theme then perfect time for conversations about budgets etc.

They probably don't even know that things like car insurance, line rental, water rates, council tax, exist!

Well, at fifteen she ought to!

Doesn't she hear her parents discussing them, see or read the news or hear people talking about about rising heating costs (quite an achievement to avoid knowing about that the last year), see advertisements for insurance companies?

You're being sensible. I calculated that a promotion of $10,000 (Australian) only gave me an extra $1,600 in the pocket. If that came combined with extra commuting costs it wouldn't have been worth it for me.

I look at the extra work I have to do though and wonder "why?!" Long term it's worth it because part of the cost was a decrease in child benefits, which would go down anyway as soon as DS turns 18.

I haven’t heard anyone outside of a Jilly Cooper book use the phrase ‘old money’ for a while

Old money aesthetic videos are all over TikTok and YouTube at the moment.

It’s quite the trend.

I wouldn’t be too bothered what a 15 year old thinks.

If I'd given my parents that sort of attitude I'd have been firmly told, 'Make your own money and you can have your own lifestyle.' Not that I would have dreamed of saying stuff like that to my parents in the first place!

Ignore her. Or sit down with her and go through principles of costs and budgeting. But she doesn't know what she's talking about.

Your daughter sounds like a wee madam.

why are you letting her make you feel inadequate? Don’t discuss your financial-work stuff with her.

@Abouttimemum that was exactly my point! We all choose to prioritise spending our money on different things. We choose a new car that will last years over a weeks holiday. Others choose the holiday over a new car.

Neither is wrong or right but OP's daughter needs to understand that this is how her mum chooses to spend her money and when she earns the money she can choose how she wants to spend hers.

Holidays for my husband and I are about spending quality time as a family and we can do that anywhere and have chosen to visit our own county. Let's face it, most people don't visit other countries to see other cultures or traditions, they go for the guaranteed sun and hardly leave the poolside or beach. Great if thats is what they want, it's just not for us 🤷🏽‍♀️

I love Mumsnet money threads. Even when people are earning far in excess of the mean and median salary, there's always people acting like it's living in poverty and far from comfortable when someone's earning over £50k.
😂

See my sons 10.

And knows the value of money and what things cost.

Just because she's 15 doesn't mean she knows nothing.

I don't even earn what they earn a year. And bet your last penny on it I'm ensuring my child gets a holiday each year he deserves it much to the same as much as me.

I feel she's being overly sensible maybe too sensible.

There's being sensible then there's being tight I go with the latter. (Just from what she's said here)

She is young and naive don't take her seriously. My dd made a comment that she intends to live in several houses (buying and selling) not like us. It may happen but more likely the saving, expense and stress will put her off doing it every couple years.

Make her so a mock budget on a spreadsheet showing what you have incoming and outgoing along with your savings.

Write a list but don't show her of things that could suddenly incur an extra payout such as expensive work needed on car after an MOT failure etc. I bet she will have no clue as to these things.