Dd thinks i'm tight. I think I'm sensible.

[malificent7]

Dp ( soon to be dh)and I earn £65,000 pa between us.We are lucky enough to have a mortgage and we went abroad last year.
Due to the rising cost of living we are scaling back. This year we are holidaying in a caravan holiday park in Cornwall for 5 nights. I shop at Lidl ( always have) and a bit of Tescos. I'm always looking for the cheapest product in supermarkets etc. Dd would live to shop Waitrose ( not happening and I love Lidl anyway.)

We have ditched our big white wedding for a simple registry office and restaurant with a 3 night stay in Devon air b and b for honeymoon.

Dd (15) is a bit sneery about this and says I'm tight. For context, some of her school friends are much better off and are going on a string of exotic holidays, festivals, shopping sprees etc. Some of them she describes as " old money."

Recently I went for a slightly better paid job but decided it wasn't for me as the commute was horrendous. I didn't get it anyway...Dd was incredulous that I didn't want a 2 hour hour commute each way for £5,000 extra a year.

She does work as a waitress so she knows how hard it is to earn ££. She wants to be super rich...fair play to her but Dp and I are starting to feel inadequate.

Aibu to think that I am being sensible...not tight and dd needs a reality check.

I do feel bad anyway that I didn't chase ££ younger but that was explained on another thread.

True, it isn't. I don't find everything I want in Lidl but that's because I use it for a change rather than a main shop. If I tried I probably could change my habits and shop there.

OP, the old money aesthetic is big on TikTok and is trending due to Sofia Richie Grainge’s wedding. That’s where she’s getting it from but don’t worry she’s 15. She’ll grow out of it.

15 year old being an ass and telling her mother she's wrong/tight/unreasonable. Pretty much the job description when you're 15.

Waitrose used to be my nearest supermarket and I would travel further to go to Aldi or tesco (I don’t have Asda or Lidl anywhere near me) because I still saved money including my petrol.

You can use compare websites which will show you price differences between shops.

Waitrose is more expensive that other supermarkets and I believe it’s Tesco that shares the factories that the products come from.

So you pay more money shopping at Waitrose for the same product you get elsewhere.

Tesco price matches with Aldi and so they’re similar prices but Waitrose is the most expensive out of them all.

Sounds perfectly sensible. Dh and I make over a £100k a year and we live exactly like this. Actually, not even springing for a caravan in Cornwall as I think it's overpriced. We're doing some wild camping and a few short visits to friends as a 'holiday' this summer. I'm considering taking youngest camping as he's never been to a proper campsite, but it's £40 a night, which I'm not crazy about paying to camp. Dd has asked to do an activity once a week, which costs £30. All of her friends also want to do it, but no one can afford it, so I feel guilty sending her and am doing it a bit on the sly as don't want to flash about to everyone that we can afford to do this when they can't for their dc.

That said, I think this is a perfectly normal reaction by a teen. When you are young enough to not have adult responsibilities, you don't appreciate how much things cost. I was just thinking the other day how I was in my 20s, and I used to have these restaurants I used to like to go to and I'd get takeaway like 4 times a week or go out for drinks 5 nights a week. I can't imagine spending £10 on a takeaway 4x a week or £60 on a night out 5 nights a week. But when I was younger with no real commitments, yes, totally seemed like the thing to do. She will work out in time the value of things and it sounds like you are being really sensible modelling that for her.

Please don’t feel bad, Uni costs are so high, I don’t know how people afford it. ❤️

No you're not unreasonable or tight. These are tight times the cost of living is sky high. You're sensible. X

*Waitrose is more expensive that other supermarkets and I believe it’s Tesco that shares the factories that the products come from.

So you pay more money shopping at Waitrose for the same product you get elsewhere*

I'm happy with where I shop, thanks.

Why does your dd get a say. She is a child and being rude.

If she wants expensive things, she needs to up her waitressing hours. It's as simple as that.

At 15 my dd was adamant that all of her friends would learn to drive at 17, and moreover they would each have a car at their disposal to get to 6th form. Didn't happen ! Because driving lessons cost money and so do cars.

At that age they're convinced we parents know nothing and that whatever we say is outdated

Is your dd envying her friends on false Pretenses?

Is she at a private school?

I see this attitude in teenagers who mix mostly with wealthier peers

The caravan holiday sounds miserable. But I dont blame you for scaling back on wedding expenses.

When your daughter is doing the paying, then she can make the snide comments.

At age 15, I doubt DD has the faintest clue what weddings, or work commutes cost. She probably has equally little idea what you pay for weekly food bill; rent/mortgage or council tax, insurance, petrol , NI, income tax, her phone.

High time to start showing her some of the domestic accounts.

I wondered that too. A former colleague of mine used to talk about what her teenage son had to say about what she earned and what his dad earned. I used to think why does he know anything about your salaries 🙄

She wants to be super rich...fair play to her but Dp and I are starting to feel inadequate.

YABU for allowing a 15 year old with no experience of the full time working world make you feel inadequate.

Imagine allowing a 15 year old with sod all life experience to make you feel inadequate.

You need to practice your eye rolling "whatever" attitude on her. She knows nothing. Why on earth are you listening to a 15 year old schoolkid????

Sounds like she needs a few days volunteering at a homeless shelter if you ask me! Ungrateful little madam springs to mind! You and DP earn a decent living and are making sensible adjustments to suit your family in current times that you clearly feel are necessary. She's 15 and despite having (what I am assuming is a part time) job, she still has an awful lot to learn about the real world and finances. It's easy to sit their calling someone tight when you're sat in the house they pay for! She'll look back in 5-10 years time and realise how right you were. And in the meantime, just educate her a little on the world outside her own. Sounds like she's got a lot of privilege around her (with friends etc) so it wouldn't hurt to show her a bit hard hitting reality.

And please don't let your teenage daughter make you feel inadequate. You're smashing it!

Don't even know how a 15 year old opinions , is even up for debate. If she thinks your tight , then at 16 she can up her hours at work and pay for the stuff she wants herself.

YANBU for being sensible just yabu for letting your DD15 get to you.

She's 15, she hasn't got a clue, common on...!

Exactly

I wouldn’t be listening to a 15 yr old on this. She’ll learn as she gets older. In the meantime, teach her not to be so rude.

She's just a kid. She knows nothing. Just carry on as you are. £65,000 is good, but not enough for an affluent lifestyle.

At 15 of course she has no concept of work life balance, £5k seems like a lot to a teenager, obviously is a lot of money but quality of life more important. Which she will find out one day too. Do what makes you happy, you sound well off, bet some of her friends family's are in loads of debt and just like to flash cash about. Explain to her that money isn't everything, you have food, clothes, heating, family around you and friends. You won't regret not wasting your money on a big wedding. Enjoy what you have stuff the show offs!

Mine are 15 and 17. Income 50k.

I’ve always been fairly frugal, prioritising savings and watching pennies.

but since lockdown I’ve thought sod it, my kids will only be with me another few years. Eldest is off to uni abroad in 2025, youngest is planning an apprenticeship and flat sharing.

so for the last year and for the next two years we have had the fantastic holidays, nice meals out, got a cleaner to free up my time and stress levels.

when I have an empty nest i can go back to saving for my retirement. But I don’t want to live these last years with my kids like that.

you have 15k a year more than me. That would easily pay for a few luxuries if you or your dd wanted to 🤷‍♀️