Dd thinks i'm tight. I think I'm sensible.

[malificent7]

Dp ( soon to be dh)and I earn £65,000 pa between us.We are lucky enough to have a mortgage and we went abroad last year.
Due to the rising cost of living we are scaling back. This year we are holidaying in a caravan holiday park in Cornwall for 5 nights. I shop at Lidl ( always have) and a bit of Tescos. I'm always looking for the cheapest product in supermarkets etc. Dd would live to shop Waitrose ( not happening and I love Lidl anyway.)

We have ditched our big white wedding for a simple registry office and restaurant with a 3 night stay in Devon air b and b for honeymoon.

Dd (15) is a bit sneery about this and says I'm tight. For context, some of her school friends are much better off and are going on a string of exotic holidays, festivals, shopping sprees etc. Some of them she describes as " old money."

Recently I went for a slightly better paid job but decided it wasn't for me as the commute was horrendous. I didn't get it anyway...Dd was incredulous that I didn't want a 2 hour hour commute each way for £5,000 extra a year.

She does work as a waitress so she knows how hard it is to earn ££. She wants to be super rich...fair play to her but Dp and I are starting to feel inadequate.

Aibu to think that I am being sensible...not tight and dd needs a reality check.

I do feel bad anyway that I didn't chase ££ younger but that was explained on another thread.

No, you don't sound tight to me.

That £5k would have soon disappeared in commuting costs!

Life costs money. Utilities, food, mortgage, interest in mortgage, tax, phones, clothes, transport, that odd coffee... it all adds up.

Very sensible. Dd is 15 and has not got the wealth of life experience that you have. Also, it’s your money. I thought my Dm was tight at that age because I couldn’t have what I wanted but now I realise that I knew nothing about budgeting. Ride it out.

She is 15.

She doesnt have a clue.
You are the parents.
Educate her...
Talk about budgets, savinfs, mortgages, pensions, emergency funds..
And the number of people in this country currently clinging on by their fingertips who are living on credit cards...

She is 15....

And you are not inadequate.. you job decision is about prioritising family and mental health... beyond price...

She’s a teenager. She sees friends with lots of money and spending how the wish and just wants the same. You make decisions based on experience and what you’re comfortable with and tell dd that when she’s earning and supporting herself she can spend her money on what she wants.

Young teenagers don't understand the true cost of things or the impact of work on family life. They are at the peak point of self-centredness for one thing, and most teenagers probably think it's fine that a parent works X extra hours to pay for Y shiny thing the teenager would like. That's their job as a parent. And when you're a 15 year old in a casual part-time job for pocket money, which you only have to spend on wants not needs, that can't equate to an understanding of being a parent working full time to run a house and support a family. They probably don't even know that things like car insurance, line rental, water rates, council tax, exist! Can she explain how inflation works? Could she estimate how much it costs to keep her in school uniform, lunches, other food, clothes, electricity to run the shower, over an average week? Most people would like to be quite rich, who wouldn't! But if nothing else mattered, just doing whatever you can to earn as much money as possible... well drug dealing is suddenly a more appealing profession.

In time she will understand. Until then, don't give too much weight to some very uneducated opinions.

She's allowed to think what she wants about money but she shouldn't be disrespecting yours. Your daughter has no overheads and no actual concept of making provision for tomorrow.

You sound sensible. Don't let a 15 year old's ideas of what finacial success looks like make you feel inadequate ffs! She may have a job but she really has almost zero understanding of how expensive the world is to live in. Just keep doing what you're doing. If she wants to shop in Waitrose she can do so, with her waitress salary. Might give her a lesson in the value of things when she spends a week's pay on some rustic artisan rolls and artichoke dip.

She’s a 15 year old kid…she knows nothing.

15 year olds think they know everything … in reality they know nothing.

It all sounds sensible to me.

She wants a different life and that’s fair enough, but she is old enough to be told that you work hard and stretch money to give her a good life, so please can she appreciate you do your best and not criticise.

Involve her in choices where you can - eg you can holiday here or here.

Explain where you can - but accept teens are self centred and have no life experience so there’s a limit to what she can understand.

If use this as a learning discussion.

Sit down with her and a spreadsheet.

Run through all the bills and food costs.

Show her what's left.

Show her how much the holiday cost and how many months it took to save for it.

Encourage her to set up her own spreadsheet to plan and manage her spending.

That should do it.

Certainly worked with mine who are now very sensible financially!

Stop catering for DD, let her buy her own food from Waitrose from her own money if what you provide is so inferior.
You could even give her an allowance from what you save. See how far (& hungry) she gets.

Why's she so involved in your finances?

You sound normal to me.
I am fortunate that we do have several "exotic" holidays every year but I always shop in Lidl or Aldi. Why wouldn't you ?

She's being a normal teen. You know you are there to be sneered at and mocked. Everyone else's parents are infinitely better than hers. All her friends are sneering at their mum's too. "Why do you always go to Waitrose, everyone else goes to Lidl etc

You sound fine but a teenager will have no clue how far that money goes (or doesn’t).

I bet she has no idea how much things like energy costs.

I could have written your post; my teenage DD is really grating on me about this over the last few months. They don’t understand how things are and the real value of money at that age. I’m probably one more comment away from a huge lecture to my teen though

Does your DD go to a private school or socialize outside of what is your price range?
You don't sound tight, but might look embarrassing to a kid who is surrounded by higher expectation.

She probably has no clue on the realities of being an adult and managing a budget. I remember when I was 17, doing my a levels with a part time job. I made around £600 a month and I had no idea how good I had it - I wasn't running a house or a car on that, no food shopping to do. All I had to pay for was my phone, clothes and social life. I'm on a good salary now and I wish I had £600 a month to piss away! My parents never walked me through budgeting, financial literacy. I just knew we weren't as well off as my friends. I wish they had. I should have also paid them some rent

You sound very normal to me but then so does your 15 year old too. Maybe show her what it costs to run a house; explains about taxes, utility bills, transport costs etc and show her how much it costs to live.
It doesn’t even need to be done in a preachy way, just genuinely educational.

She’s 15. Yes you’re being sensible, but she likely doesn’t fully understand that yet. Try talking to her instead of asking mumsnet if she’s right.

Honestly OP, she just sounds like a typical 15 year old. At 15 years old I had no experience of paying for bills, finances etc - sometimes I couldn’t understand why my parents didn’t want to go abroad or out for meals more often. Well, at 28 I totally understand now! Bills, mortgage, baby - it’s not easy. You’re sensible and not tight.

Trust me one day soon she will understand.

You have your head screwed on!
I hope your daughter follows in your footsteps.

YANBU.

DS (15) told me I was a bit mean recently.

So I shared with him the bills that came in this month - £500 car insurance £190 car tax, Mortgage, council tax, utilities, new school blazer, shoes, sports kit, etc etc. Food, petrol, his sports classes.

He was horrified at the amounts and apologised.

I think when they get to teens, a little glimpse of reality is a good thing.

Lots of sensible advice regarding cost of living and budgeting.
It can be helpful to explain expenditure to teenagers in terms of hours worked.
If your daughter mentions buying a handbag at £150 ask her if she is really happy to work on her feet waitressing for 15 hours. If she wants to order a pizza is she happy to craft for an hour or two to pay for it or would she rather buy one from the supermarket for £2.50.