Dd thinks i'm tight. I think I'm sensible.

[malificent7]

Dp ( soon to be dh)and I earn £65,000 pa between us.We are lucky enough to have a mortgage and we went abroad last year.
Due to the rising cost of living we are scaling back. This year we are holidaying in a caravan holiday park in Cornwall for 5 nights. I shop at Lidl ( always have) and a bit of Tescos. I'm always looking for the cheapest product in supermarkets etc. Dd would live to shop Waitrose ( not happening and I love Lidl anyway.)

We have ditched our big white wedding for a simple registry office and restaurant with a 3 night stay in Devon air b and b for honeymoon.

Dd (15) is a bit sneery about this and says I'm tight. For context, some of her school friends are much better off and are going on a string of exotic holidays, festivals, shopping sprees etc. Some of them she describes as " old money."

Recently I went for a slightly better paid job but decided it wasn't for me as the commute was horrendous. I didn't get it anyway...Dd was incredulous that I didn't want a 2 hour hour commute each way for £5,000 extra a year.

She does work as a waitress so she knows how hard it is to earn ££. She wants to be super rich...fair play to her but Dp and I are starting to feel inadequate.

Aibu to think that I am being sensible...not tight and dd needs a reality check.

I do feel bad anyway that I didn't chase ££ younger but that was explained on another thread.

65k combined income is not really 'very comfortable' unfortunately (which is crazy)

15 year olds have literally no idea about money. Mine is honestly absolutely clueless, I've started telling him how many hours of work things cost. I'd get her to work out how much more you'd actually make per hour if you add the commute on. Taking into account travel costs, extra tax etc... bet that extra 10 hours a week is worth less than minimum wage. Especially as you'll probably still be doing just as much at home. 😕

There is a massive thing going round on social media about Old money vs new money, she is only 15 and stating to form her own relationship with money. Good that she is working and learning the value.

And no you are absolutely not tight!

Then she’s facing the financial realities of the world. Why shouldn’t she have a £150 handbag if she’s prepared to work to pay for it? Bring sensible with money doesn’t mean you can’t have nice things if you can afford them.

You don't sound right, you sound very sensible and responsible.
She's 15, she knows nothing. Laugh off the comments, and use this as an opportunity to teach her about money - include her in conversations about salaries, budgeting, saving, mortgages, planning, and with that also include forward planning for things like university, driving lessons for her, so she can learn how far ahead things need to be saved for.

My Dd is very similar - we’ve had a lot of chat’s recently about money/COL, she wants £££ for xyz, she knows how much I earn and thinks I have it spare when I don’t! I’ve sat both of mine down and shown them the spreadsheet of all the bills both of them were shocked at how much we spend on bills - budgeting and money is going to be a lesson dh & I work on with them over the next year or so.

Yes Dh & I may earn well, but we have debt (thanks covid & being made redundant) so all of our spare money is used to pay it down! Once it’s gone we will be ££££ better off.

Teenagers are bloody hard work you have my sympathy - mine certainly thinks she’s knows it all when in reality has no blasted clue about the cost of things. Food just magically appears I guess the fairy’s made it happen

Other thing that may well be a factor is parents age. If you are young and she’s got friends with parents who had them
older then they are a different stage of life eg mortgage paid off.
Again good conversations to have with teens about pros and cons of having babies younger v older.

You both sound perfectly normal.

When I was 15, 5k sounded like a MASSIVE amount of money, so yes, I'd have thought my mum was insane to turn it down and would probably have said as much, to be honest. Teenagers aren't exactly known for their tact

However as an adult I can see that it would soon be swallowed up by petrol and other commuting costs - but what 15yo even considers those things? She just sees an extra 5k sitting in the bank!

She's 15 so doesn't have the life experience or maturity to consider the subtleties of financial management without someone guiding her

I wonder if she hasn't made the link that having choice is the important thing and she doesn't understand the difference between frugal and tight/cheap

For example someone who is comfortable financially, like you, has the luxury of deciding how to allocate their money. You could shop in Waitrose but don't want to and have the freedom to choose. I suspect your daughter has the idea that shopping in Lidl is what poor people do so she will decide you're being tight rather than financially prudent.

Same with UK holidays or simple holidays. Does she view them as something people do when they haven't got a choice rather than appreciating that many people actually choose to make those choices because they enjoy it?

Use this as a teaching point. Why would you want to earn £5k more but has to spend 4 hours a day commuting? Time is money and very precious! I wouldn’t be discussing job choices or financial decisions with her until they are decided if she is going to be rude.

I haven’t heard anyone outside of a Jilly Cooper book use the phrase ‘old money’ for a while!

At school I always felt like the poorest teen, I remember being made fun of for my old 2nd hand clothes. My dad was made redundant and took 5 years to get a proper job again, my parents worked a variety of menial / cash in hand jobs. I didn’t and don’t get on well with my parents but I never judged them for having less than many of their peers, quite the opposite I admired how hard they tried and whilst I cringed going to charity shops, the habit has stuck and now its ethical and trendy and my friends now admire my bargain finds. The situation did give me and my sister the fire to want to earn well and achieve financial security.

I think you need to give your daughter a stern talking to and challenge her, if she wants the good life help her plan what study routes / career paths can help achieve that and also that sensible budgeting is essential however much you earn.

Why would you ever listen to a teen?

Why are you paying any mind to a 15 year old?

All her money is spending money.

Maybe give her a budget to buy and cook a family meal once a week or month. You soon realise a bit of of savvy shopping eg unbranded, yellow sticker gets you a lot nicer food for your money.
I

You say you're lucky enough to have a mortgage ... is this a typo? Did you mean no mortgage?

If so, I can't understand why you're scrimping and changing wedding plans on £65K a year.

I wonder if it is a teenage thing. I sometimes feel that my two compare what we have very unfavourably with some of their friends. We live in an area where there are a lot of wealthy people so their view of reality is quite skewed.

Have you thought about just suggesting she works more hours (e.g. two hours extra per day) and contributes the money to the household finances?

Joke obviously, just tell her to show you how it's done when she reaches adulthood.

Oh, you'll hear it on here a lot. Along with "common" and "social graces".

I imagine she means rather than renting!

Your not tight your sensible. We ditched plans to go abroad this year to as it would have cost about £6k and went to Butlins instead which cost about £800 for a week including food and fuel. Ds1 has complained he doesn't have as fancy a phone as his friends but we don't have huge debts or huge incomes the way some of his friends parents do. We also don't have the bank of granny and grandad the way some family members do whose kids also have far nicer phones at a much younger age. Ds is though being educated in finances, budgeting and spending plus learning he can't get everything he wants. These are vital life skills. I refuse to give in to demands for things we can't afford without debt or cutting back on basics.

The commute one is a good example. She just thinks £5000.
If you break it down after deductions it’s say £400 a month extra but it’s x miles so petrol will cost £y. Plus I’ll need a newer more reliable car £Z, plus I’m spending another 10 hours driving so can’t work then eg no overtime and knock on eg more likely to buy takeaway as knackered.

A good way for her to learn cost is give her £80 and send her for a weeks food shopping, let her have a shock at the rising costs. Sounds like she has no grasp of the COL.

You don't sound tight, you sound sensible. 15 year olds often assume that they know it all, I can't imagine even then speaking to my parents this way though, so disrespectful. Its good to have big aspirations but she will find out soon enough that the costs of running a home all add up- plenty of bills and things to buy which I'm almost certain she won't have considered; even the price of a food shop nowadays is wild.

If she lives at home she has no concept of how much it costs to keep things afloat - just look at the other thread about minimum household expenses! My son moved out a year ago and it's been tough realising how much council tax, utilities, food, petrol, laundry, haircuts and so on add up!
She needs a reality check. Never too soon to learn how budgeting works - maybe show her your incomings and outgoings so she can learn.

She's fucking 15, hasn't got a clue and probably won't until she's 35 and has finally saved up enough to move out and buy her own place 😂