To find it upsetting how differently I’m treated with weight on me

[Thesesoundsfallintomymindyo]

I’ve been from size 8-16 (large 16) during my life, on and off. I have to work very hard if I want to be slim, gym 3-4 times per week, watch everything I eat etc. I have chronic kidney stones, which take all mg energy away and I’ve piled on the weight.
I’d say I’m quite good looking when slim, definitely not when overweight, I just can’t carry it off as I have a lot of weight around my face etc.
People just seem to like me more when I’m slim, I’ve noticed it over the years, I seem to get more respect, even my parents seem disappointed in me when I’m overweight.
I’m invisible to strangers and men seem to look at me distastefully or not treat me in the same way as my slimmer friends, when I’m slim, the look at me and stop to let me past etc, even the kids I teach like me more when I’m slimmer and call me pretty etc
I’m exactly the same person, have the same hair, eyes, make up etc etc and yet am treated so poorly
Has anyone else had this?
I find it so wrong and upsetting

Yep fatphobia is extremely real and one of the few remaining “acceptable” forms of prejudice. There’s a v compelling argument that now classism/sexism/racism are socially unacceptable, fatphobia stands in as a sort of oppressive dog whistle form of bigotry. It is a nasty thing with historical roots in racism and misogyny - and massively perpetuated now by the hugely influential and wealthy diet industry. In western society we all have internalised (or often externalised!) fatphobic biases - it’s inevitable and everyone needs to work to overcome it. The thing I find most upsetting is there’s evidence that experiencing fatphobia is worse for fat people’s health than being fat.

recommend the brilliant and renowned article by Michael Hobbes on obesity for anyone interested in this stuff.

I was once very overweight. My work colleagues never made any comments or digs or funny looks. Then I lost lots of weight. As I was losing it they gave me plenty of compliments.

About 6 months after that, I guess they forgot I used to be fat, because when we were all sitting having lunch they completely ripped apart another overweight colleague. Talking about how smelly she must be by the end of the shift and how they couldn't understand how her good-looking husband could stand to bounce on top of her. Absolutely vile stuff.

It was then that I realised how two-faced they are all, and all that time I thought they weren't bothered by my weight they were really thinking vile thoughts and probably laughing about me behind my back. Sadly it's not just them. There are plenty of nasty cunts in the world who don't like fat people.

That’s like saying ‘why do you care if people get cancer?’ It’s pretty natural to be concerned about other peoples’ wellbeing isn’t it? Also in my experience people who are overweight are not generally happy about it, they are on diets that don’t work and they are often miserable about it. Which is never nice to see. If someone is happy being overweight then great, good for them, we all make choices about how we live our lives and I’d never berate someone for making an informed decision they are happy about. That’s clearly not the case for most people though otherwise we wouldn’t have a multi billion pound diet industry taking money off people who want to be thinner.

I've noticed this too and it's horrible.

@Ibetthatyoulookgoodon its normal to be concerned about those close to you, which could include being concerned about their weight if they are and they ask your opinion- beyond that it’s best to keep your nose out of other people’s lives- pontificating on the internet doesn’t help anyone.

You do realise you’re on an online forum right??? I think pontificating on the internet is literally what it’s all about 😂

@Ibetthatyoulookgoodon the thread is about the prejudice fat people face, it isn’t about your opinion of what fat people should do with themselves.

I don’t think I’ve told fat people what to do with themselves, as it happens.

“Best thing is to adjust your diet and move about more, get your body healthy”

I am size 22 and no oil painting. I have experienced the reception you described only once. On the whole I enjoy a warm welcome and feel appreciated even when I meet new people. I am confident, wear what I want, compliment others, I’m respectful and courteous but not soft or gentle necessarily.
Do you feel self-conscious when you are larger?

I fluctuated weight during my graduate education.

I seemed to get smarter when I lost weight!

That’s absolutely horrid and especially shocking that even children and family treat you worse too but I can believe it. Yea often people judge how attractive you are based on face, weight, fashion style smell etc and then that all contributes to how they treat you. It’s very sad and shows some of the deep rooted issues in society.

When I was younger the first time round I put on weight although I was fat it sat better on my youthful early 20s face and tbh I didn’t find people treated me badly for the most part. I was also still very curvy and hourglass and would get men and women alike complimenting me on my looks.

it was only when I gained weight again in my 30s that I felt the unpleasant treatment because this time it changed how I look completely. It was a bit of a shock to meet people and they didn’t recognise me any longer. And this time I also lost my curves when I was overweight (still am overweight but less so now) because of the way the fat was distributed this time.

I have always been 10-12 sized and a few years ago I put on a lot of weight due to medical issues 20-22 sized. The social shunning was incredible, I then started to watch how some interacted with me. A lot of people simply glossed over me to the next skinny/acceptably sized person when I was out in group social settings.

When I got my medical issues sorted and my weight reduced to before hand well didn't those fatphobic asshats show up, commenting on how good I look, that what ever I have been doing to keep it up! My response has and always will be that I am the same rotten b!tch fat or skinny and them talking about MY weight was rude and they can stop! Skinny people shake babies too you know! The gobsmacked looks on their faces is always the same as they compute that skinny people can also be horrible people too.

No shit, Sherlock.

No actually she doesn't. Being very overweight is unhealthy. That's just a fact.

You’re not wrong. I was always slim until I was living overseas and had a combination of Mia-managed thyroid disease and prescription steroids. I put on sooooooo much weight. 65kgs. I lost it eventually, but I will never forget how invisible and invalidated I felt the whole time. (Most especially by my GP who told me I was getting fat and passing out because I “spent all day sitting on the sofa eating bonbons and watching tv.” Nope… three very little kids, a dog and no car. I walked or cycled everywhere.

My mother was an obese smoker for most of her life. She lived to be 95. Maybe if she had been a size 12 rather than a 24 she would have lived to be 96. In a home, incontinent and resentful...hmmm.

I’ve been plus size all my life size 22/24 and a d say the world definitely dislikes fat people however, I think sometimes it depends on confidence as to the severity, you maybe give off self loathing when your larger and people pick up on that. Society is incredibly fattest though sometimes when I hear other people talk about weight it’s as if it’s the worst thing a person can be!

so your saying fat people are stupid…have a word with yourself you tit!

I think the point you made about fat-phobia being more detrimental than the actual fatness is 100% is spot on especially from the medical world I’ve only known negativity which does stop me going to the doctor, one doctor ( whilst I was suffering with anxiety from at work bullying ) telling that me that the bully didn’t like me because I was fat…really helpful not!

Wow so insightful you must be a genius 🙄🤣

I became invisible recently, yes at 61, my head turning days over, a size 16, yes I could lose a bit of weight.( 5’4”)
Have bigger things to worry about, Parkinson’s, which affects me daily, and nuro eye issues ( cause unknown optically correct)
Luckily I don’t work, I would struggle if I needed to, I get by

Smart enough to explain how that would work?

I find this even slightly. I've always been a healthy weight and generally slim, if I eat normally I hover between 9-10 stone. A couple of times I have had a stressful period and also got really into fitness and went down to 8 stone, I was not healthy but a lot slimmer and I got a lot more attention from men and so many compliments.

I've honestly never noticed anyone treating me differently and I've been between a size 8 and 16 in recent years. I'm only 5 foot 1 so a size 16 isn't good for me. Maybe I'm oblivious to it.