AIBU to ask them to provide for their child when in my care

[Hmmokthen]

New here please bare with me. So me and Ex DH have 3 DC together after the first 2DC and 10years together we separated briefly for a few months and then decided to give it another go. During the time we were separated he got someone else pregnant.

Ok I wasn't doing cartwheels over it but it happened. During the pregnancy I fell pregnant. (when both were born there would be 7months age gap)

When his DC was born they started staying with us 50% of the time while they were with us we provided everything milk, nappies,wipes, clothes pushchair literally everything they needed. I didn't have a problem with this I believe you should provide for your kids. I was the primary caregiver when they were with us again I didn't have a problem with this it was my choice.

This continued throughout my pregnancy and after my last DC was born. When last DC was 3months old DH and myself decided our relationship really wasn't working and we would be better to go out separate ways the split was pretty amicable.

His DC from the time we were previously separated continued to come stay with me and her siblings 3-4days a week which I am happy about as we have such a good bond and I see them as my bonus child.

I'm absolutely fine with this to continue however it's now been 6months since we separated and neither of her bio parents have sent anything when they come to stay no nappies no milk not even a spare set of clothing.

I'm getting really fed up with this. Ex DH provides bare minimum for any of DC and the minimum he does provide will be a bag if shopping every now and again (I don't ask him for shopping and most of what he brings I usually already have in) times are hard and it's struggle enough to feed cloth and provide for 3DC without having to provide everything for a fourth.

I am more than happy for my bonus DC to keep staying 3-4 days a week but think that her bio parents should be providing for them while they are with me AIBU?

OP has said when she goes back to work the child will have to stop coming to her, and the reality is she will be farmed out amongst other friends all over the place.

I'm so worried for you that you see this child as your own, but they could be taken away from you at any moment. I absolutely understand that you want to provide stability for them, but this feels like a very precarious situation.

I can't see that either parent is going to pay for extra nursery or step up and care properly for their child once you go back to work. I worry that they could use this child as emotional leverage against you to get you to give up work and/or drop hours etc.

Have you spoken to your ex dh and told him to start paying a reasonable amount of child support for his children.
you loved him enough to have 3 dc with him ..so he must of been doing something right .I don’t get how he was in the home raising the dc with you ,then so feckless he won’t give u a penny .

You're a good, kind and decent woman and the child is lucky to have you in her life. The research suggests again and again that a child needs 'one important adult' you are that for this neglected child.

I dont no what to suggest but i think you are doing a lovely thing for your DSC who is extremely lucky to have you. YANBU in expecting milk, food, extra clothes but from what you have said, im thinking that your chances of receiving this long term are slim. It is terrible that some children are born to parents who dont care.

I dont think you are a satin, I think you are an utter fool. That bonus child isnt yours, not your responsibility. All your energy and money that you spent on the bonus child is something thats detrimental to your bio kids. You cannot possibly say that you are not tired after changing twice the number of nappies and bath times and feeding and playing with 2 toddlers? Whya re you doing this madness? Just because you had multiple kids with a awful human does not mean you have to clean up his mess. What if he has more kids? Youll take all of them in? I call this thread BS. This cannot be true. No one would do this, no one is such a doormat

I think you are an utter fool.

She is a wonderful human being, for doing this for the sake of the child who is innocent here. Please stop being rude, inflammatory and aggressive.

Selflessness can seem to equate foolishness for some people like you. Thank God we have selfless people in our society.