Parents of a child with autism- I'd value your feedback

[Flounder2022]

Sorry this ended up longer than I expected!

I was at an interactive museum today with my son and his friend. They really wanted to experience one exhibit that a little girl was on - it involved a large screen with touch points that took you through the entire human body. It was quite detailed so lots to see but could only be used by one person at a time. The waited patiently for a good while- 10 mins initially. They then decided to go to another screen close by and returned about 3/4 mins later and again waited. All in all we waited approx 20 mins. It was clear we were waiting for that particular one as it was in a little room of its own and we waited at the door. Eventually I asked the dad is they would be much longer to which he replied yes most likely. I asked if there was any way we could have a turn for a few minutes. He said no as she had autism and wanted to stay on it. He then said I could say it to her if I wanted but that he wouldn't be forcing her to move.

I told him I wouldn't not be saying it to her as she was not my child nor was I asking him to force her but maybe he could have a conversation with her. I'll admit my back was up by this point, not because of what he said but how he said it. He was so rude and dismissive. (the above is not the entirety of the conversation but the main jist of it.)

He then told me he was going to speak to management about me and walked off. We left the area then as waiting any longer was futile. Shortly afterwards I saw him re-enter the area (I have no idea if he spoke to staff). I approached him and said that had he acknowledged our presence, that he was aware we were waiting and explained that they might be there a while we could have moved on. He said we should have done so anyway as his child was entitled to spend as long as she wished on the exhibit. I told him consideration for others (from him) was not too much to ask.

Was I out of line here? I'm very aware that he angered me a lot with his attitude and the dismissive way he spoke to me that I may not be clearly seeing the situation.

Thanks!

It isn't as simple as ND vs NT either. There is often a clash of needs between ND people too. I have an ND husband and son and they are both very different and both have to work to get along with each other.

If you are talking about 1 ND child that wants to monopolise a public amenity and 1 ND child that finds it difficult to wait however long the other ND child monopolises it for how does that work. One of them is forced into turn taking and that's just that.

I find all too often these threads are put as ND vs NT often by ND people or parents of ND children but it is thought that 15-20% of people are ND. That is or is almost 1 in 5. It's important for everybody's sake that a way is found where possible to get along, take turns etc This isn't just 'oh NT people don't like it when we inconvenience them'.

I love that too. 'I'm ND so that makes me an expert on every other neurodiverse person.' Get out of here with that shit.

It’s ok, I’ll judge you too.

Oh and no one cares.

Some people are selfish dicks. They come with and without autism. Some people look like they are behaving selfishly when that is the ONLY way they can participate. I think OP could have looked at something else with her children and come back much later if the children still wanted to. I think the father could have behaved differently. Conflicting needs and limited resources is fairly standard. Accommodate those who struggle if you can. It’s always a bit sad reading these posts. Most parents whose children can’t comply with social give and take would adore it to be their fault. For us that’s the dream “reason”. Imagine if it would all just go away if you did something differently. The sad thing is it won’t. Ever.

It isn't as simple as ND vs NT either. There is often a clash of needs between ND people too. I have an ND husband and son and they are both very different and both have to work to get along with each other.

Absolutely, I'll use theatre as an example as my two are theatre obsessed.

Ds and dd did not cope very well with others not following what they saw as the rules of the theatre. So watching in silence, no talking etc. Dd got agitated if people disturbed her, ds hated it if people came into the auditorium after the start she is hyper sensitive to noise around her.

However other ND people need the flexibility to fidget, take time out, make noises etc etc. The kind of things that happen during a relaxed performance. But for my two a relaxed performance would have been unthinkable.

To be fair your posts seem to indicate that you know everything about ND children so why can’t you accept that people will have a different life experience and view to you?

Dd got agitated if people disturbed her, ds hated it if people came into the auditorium after the start she is hyper sensitive to noise around her.

This is me exactly and it wasn’t until I was diagnosed as an adult that it made sense. I love the theatre and cinema but have had instances ruined because of exactly what you have described. But I absolutely realise that’s a me problem and nobody elses

I also couldn’t do a relaxed performance. Far too many triggers

We tried the relaxed performances with DS but he couldn’t cope with them. Sadly he also can’t cope with the amount of people at “normal” showings. He falls into the category who can’t access either unfortunately.

sadly there is no way to make everything 100% accessible to 100% of the people.

Agree with that @cyncope

Thank you for this, I just couldn't be bothered with @LuvsmallDogs anymore.

Go on then, what specifically have I said to indicate that? Intrigued.