Parents of a child with autism- I'd value your feedback

[Flounder2022]

Sorry this ended up longer than I expected!

I was at an interactive museum today with my son and his friend. They really wanted to experience one exhibit that a little girl was on - it involved a large screen with touch points that took you through the entire human body. It was quite detailed so lots to see but could only be used by one person at a time. The waited patiently for a good while- 10 mins initially. They then decided to go to another screen close by and returned about 3/4 mins later and again waited. All in all we waited approx 20 mins. It was clear we were waiting for that particular one as it was in a little room of its own and we waited at the door. Eventually I asked the dad is they would be much longer to which he replied yes most likely. I asked if there was any way we could have a turn for a few minutes. He said no as she had autism and wanted to stay on it. He then said I could say it to her if I wanted but that he wouldn't be forcing her to move.

I told him I wouldn't not be saying it to her as she was not my child nor was I asking him to force her but maybe he could have a conversation with her. I'll admit my back was up by this point, not because of what he said but how he said it. He was so rude and dismissive. (the above is not the entirety of the conversation but the main jist of it.)

He then told me he was going to speak to management about me and walked off. We left the area then as waiting any longer was futile. Shortly afterwards I saw him re-enter the area (I have no idea if he spoke to staff). I approached him and said that had he acknowledged our presence, that he was aware we were waiting and explained that they might be there a while we could have moved on. He said we should have done so anyway as his child was entitled to spend as long as she wished on the exhibit. I told him consideration for others (from him) was not too much to ask.

Was I out of line here? I'm very aware that he angered me a lot with his attitude and the dismissive way he spoke to me that I may not be clearly seeing the situation.

Thanks!

Because there is autistic in the sense of “bit reluctant to give up special thing” and autistic in the sense of “will explode when asked to give up special thing and potentially damage equipment and people around them”. I’d assume the latter, and also that the father was pretty close to the edge - because that’s the space we generally inhabit. Parents of the former are gathering on this thread to blow smoke up the OP’s arse while the rest of us are being made to feel like “the worst parents ever” to quote a charming PP.

So yes, it’s a ablist dog whistle - just read some of the cuntish replies. I give you

Please what difference does that make to ‘my child has autism so fuck you’ parents? They’ll just insist the rules don’t apply to them.. sorry I mean their children

Doesn't that PP sound like a fucking delight? Have you ever considering that parenting autistic children is sometimes really fucking grindingly hard and that every minute of peace feels very scarce and hard-won?

Then you'd need to remove her entirely. It's really hard but if our kids melt down we need to take them away to calm down somewhere else. You don't just let them ruin things for other people.

I know how fucking hard it is thank you. But that doesn’t mean other people have to be spoken to like the op was.

That poster is not wrong though. There are parents who use their child's autism as the reason for every negative thing their child does. E.g child hits another "sorry it's their autism what can you do?".It's no reflection on the child but on the laziness of some parents.

Everybody has to be trained in some way on how to behave in social situations, regardless if the are NT or have ASN. It is not an alien concept.

Yes it will be harder with those children who do not understand but that is the role of their parent to help them do so in their own way and not expect the world to revolve around them at all times

@Gerrataere

I don't think you have a fucking clue.

Nope, I have a fully explosive, big for his age non verbal 8 year old who I had to go and pick up from his SN school at 3:15 on the last day of term, because his escort refused to take him in the minibus after he’d attacked her that morning (the bus they usually use was out of service).
Whether he likes it or not he’s having to learn that he has to turn take, on playground equipment and with toys.
No way would I let him monopolise something, if he’s had a long enough turn of something he’s coming off it, and if that involves removing him completely from the area, so be it.

Not great, but maybe the dad's just had a time of it with his kid lately and doesn't want to get bitten and kicked yet again.

God knows I sometimes turn a blind eye to something because I just can't do another meltdown right now.

I'd probably be extra keen to avoid one in front of someone I felt was already judging my parenting (allowing a my child to "hog" something).

Since he told her to speak to the child herself and ask her to move presumably she was able to speak and converse with the op.

Not trained, teach.

The dad may also be autistic and struggle with turn taking.

Usually the way when it comes to threads about autism.

Mum of 2 DC both autistic, the dad was a knob

If you say so. I haven’t said anything here about the children just the attitudes of the the parent in question. It’s everyone else who’s decided I’m making out that any ASD child should be somehow locked away and not allowed any experiences, which is not the case at all. But apparently allowing for compromise for other people’s children and thinking that the man in question was being really shit in how he handled it makes me ableist and completely unreasonable, that’s fine if that’s how you feel.

Is the implication that I am one of these people?

I see this from both sides. I think like other previous posters that how the girl presents ie if she is profound or if she is what would have been termed high functioning/ aspergers.

If the father had said that she had learing disabilities and takes a long time to process information, instead of saying she had autism would that have made a difference? It could have been that she was learning from the exhibit and needed a substantial amount of time to use it fully. To move her would have meant she wouldn't have been able to learn from it.

The museum didn't have any time restraints for the exhibits so she was within her rights to take the time she needs.

The father didn't owe you any explanation at all but did divulge that she had a disability in a bid to make you understand. You should have moved your children on and possibly come back later or taught them that they don't always get everything they want.

I also don't agree that those with disabilities of any type should have to go when it's quiet to.mske it easier for others, unless it suits their needs and benefits them.

Ultimately it was a free museum and open to everyone including this little girl with disabilities.

Could also have been an attempt to prove a point "if it's that easy, you do it". I've never said anything aloud, but in my head I do sarcastically invite gawpers to help me deal with a meltdown or stop my child eating fag butts instead of just gawping and judging.

Let's face it, the comments here carry an undertone of 'if your disabled children can't behave like our neurotypical children, don't let them out.'

I certainly did not want to cause any upset to anyone when I started the thread. I felt I needed some perspective and insight. I could have probably done without some of the name calling mine you.

in the moment that is kind of how it felt if I’m honest.

There's lots of elements to take into consideration.
Dad probably burnt out and happy his child has found something they like.
Dad might also be on the spectrum so communication and social skills not very good.
ASC kids can become hyperfixated on things that interest them.
Not wanting to risk a meltdown. The list goes on...

All ASC children/adults are different and have different needs. There is no generalising in these situations. Just because your autistic child would do xyz doesn't mean this child would.

💐

That would have been fine except he threatened to report OP to the management and even went all the way to do it. Does not sound like a frazzled dad but a vindictive dick.

If the DD had autism, it’s likely that her dad did too, which might be why you got nowhere with him, either.

(My eldest is autistic, it’s definitely genetic).

Otherwise, he’s parenting her badly. She needs boundaries, otherwise it’s going to be even harder for her to cope with the NT world.