Parents of a child with autism- I'd value your feedback

[Flounder2022]

Sorry this ended up longer than I expected!

I was at an interactive museum today with my son and his friend. They really wanted to experience one exhibit that a little girl was on - it involved a large screen with touch points that took you through the entire human body. It was quite detailed so lots to see but could only be used by one person at a time. The waited patiently for a good while- 10 mins initially. They then decided to go to another screen close by and returned about 3/4 mins later and again waited. All in all we waited approx 20 mins. It was clear we were waiting for that particular one as it was in a little room of its own and we waited at the door. Eventually I asked the dad is they would be much longer to which he replied yes most likely. I asked if there was any way we could have a turn for a few minutes. He said no as she had autism and wanted to stay on it. He then said I could say it to her if I wanted but that he wouldn't be forcing her to move.

I told him I wouldn't not be saying it to her as she was not my child nor was I asking him to force her but maybe he could have a conversation with her. I'll admit my back was up by this point, not because of what he said but how he said it. He was so rude and dismissive. (the above is not the entirety of the conversation but the main jist of it.)

He then told me he was going to speak to management about me and walked off. We left the area then as waiting any longer was futile. Shortly afterwards I saw him re-enter the area (I have no idea if he spoke to staff). I approached him and said that had he acknowledged our presence, that he was aware we were waiting and explained that they might be there a while we could have moved on. He said we should have done so anyway as his child was entitled to spend as long as she wished on the exhibit. I told him consideration for others (from him) was not too much to ask.

Was I out of line here? I'm very aware that he angered me a lot with his attitude and the dismissive way he spoke to me that I may not be clearly seeing the situation.

Thanks!

I have a 15 year old who has autism and learning difficulties, I would not allow him to hog an exhibit, ride, etc. He doesn't like taking turns but that is part of life and we have to be considerate to others.

The parent was being an absolute wanker!!!

@cyncope there was loads of other things. We were there 5 hours. But while we were in this section they were really interested in this particular exhibit. And like I said we left and came back, they waited patiently. Even an acknowledgment of that would have been something.

So why not do other stuff and come back at the end?

Why do you get to decide the time limit for this exhibit and not the person using it?

Umm because it’s being a decent person and letting other people take a turn, when you see people queuing to use it.
The dad was an arsehole.

My child did wait. For 20 minutes

The dad was having a bad day and was being a selfish prick. I am saying this and I have three children with additional needs. I would of course moved over for you. It is not Autism land. We have to be considerate and share our space with others.

This has absolutely nothing to do with an Autistic child and everything to do with what I would class as an entitled adult.
I've got Autistic DC (with other ND conditions) and I don't let either hog/monopolise a ride/experience/whatever. Sure, both struggle with transitions/sharing/turn taking, but I try to keep people's children in mind, although my own will always be my priority.
However, looking at it from an alternate perspective, maybe said Dad wasn't entitled, but a worn out parent of an Autistic child enjoying a few moments of quiet in his own end?
I don't think either of you handled it amazingly, tbh, but I tend to pick my battles when I'm out and about (I'm also ND!).

If it was an adult using an exhibit and you wanted a go, would you have told them to move?

The OP made it clear they were waiting and asked if they would be long. I'd have done the same with an adult hogging something.

Some people are selfish pricks.
Some people who have autistic children are selfish pricks.
You came across one.

We had one child who spent every Cub Scout meeting harassing my DDs (often using some vile sexual language) and every outing trying to shove my daughter (also autistic incidentally) into dog shit. When I finally very politely raised it with the leaders - the parents of the child went absolutely fucking ballistic - threatened to sue us (for complaining) and the Scout Association for disability discrimination - for daring to raise it at all (and it was only raised in a "this has caused a lot of ongoing distress to another child" manner). Child had been living his best life egged on by his mates who knew that, while they couldn't behave like that, they could get their mate to say this stuff and pretty much get away with it scot free.

And they replied they would be long.

But the OP wasn't satisfied by that, because when she asked will you be long, she meant she wanted them to move.

And someone was still using it, so...

@cyncope no, I meant exactly what I asked. Would they be long. Had he said no, we'd have waited. When he said yes, I asked if we could have a turn. It was at that point I was hoping he would have least considered the 2 children waiting for a turn.

I get it. It's hard when you don't get what you want.
Accepting disappointment is often difficult.

Indeed

Yes I meant once they weren't receptive. Sorry if I wasn't clear

My ds has ASD and I wouldn't have let him hog something for 20mins when it was clear someone else was waiting. He didn't have any issues with turn taking or whatever and has always been painfully polite so it wouldn't have been an issue for him to take his turn then move on.

Letting someone just finish what they're doing rather than demanding your turn is definitely a sociopathic trait

DD is autistic and I would never let her hog something if other children were waiting.

@zurala I get you- but I knew it was best to leave it (though probably should have listened to myself and not have approached him when I saw him return!)

In the long run not attempting to put in boundaries for things like this isn’t going to help anyone.

we tend to avoid places when they are busy as Ds doesn’t like people but if we are somewhere and someone is waiting for a turn on something I would put in a clear end so a “you can look at two more body parts then it’s this little boys turn and we will go and look at x”

What is the acceptable time for a child to be interacting with the displays please?

I have an 11 yo DD with ASD - she would have been terrified as soon as you asked the question and would have stopped playing (and enjoying herself). Your one comment might have ruined her day and forced us to go home. I would have been furious with you for being so entitled as to enforce a time limit for an attraction when the organisers didn’t.

My 3.5 yo doesn’t have ASD but is a toddler and like any toddler struggles with rule taking. I would not have forced him to come off in the absence of any official notifications.

An alternative view -maybe the dad is autistic himself and doesn't 'get' some social cues either? That's what I would have concluded anyway from his insistence to hog the activity (and therefore would have just left them to it).

As others have said it can be difficult for autistic children to take turns or pick up on social cues that others are waiting. The dad probably didn't feel confident in using strategies to move the child on (e.g countdowns or distraction). He should've acknowledged you sooner when you were waiting and not been so rude.