Having a baby with not the greatest looking guy.

[Purplependant222]

My sister is my best friend, she is usually the nicest person in the world and I know this comment came out without her thinking. At the weekend I was talking with my sister and I said I was wondering what our baby (i’m pregnant with my first) will look like. She said without hesitation ‘hopefully the baby will look like you as you didn’t pick the best looking family to have a baby with’. Something along those lines with her trying to back peddle that she thinks my DH gets better looking every time she sees him as his personality shines through. There was also a comment on how all of his family are all a bit ‘unfortunate looking’.

It is true, I fell madly in love with DH’s personality and I wanted a future with him as his values/morals aligned with mine. I’m madly in love with him and couldn’t wait to have his babies.

However now I’m feeling like I’ve somewhat failed my future kids that they’re going to have an upward battle with being ‘unfortunate looking’. I’m not sure why I can’t shake it off as I know DH will be a brilliant and devoted father as he is as a husband, and I know that’s more important than my kids being 6ft tall or voted prom queen.

I have thought the same as your sister about my own children. Not just about looks but things like neuroticism, dry skin, food fussiness. But there are things I don't want them to get from me either. It's a lottery, they might get genes from a few generations back.

However, two good looking people often have very plain children whereas beautiful people often have odd looking parents.

I’d like all three Wouldn't we all, but I think sometimes the better looking among us, because they don't have to try so hard, don't develop their personalities the same way.

Pamela Anderson had really ugly looking parents. I also like looking at pictures of families with lots of children, like that Alaskan Brown famy. All the kids look like their parents but some are good looking and some are not. It's the luck of the draw.

Sounds like your sister is one those types who either can’t figure out or doesn’t care where the line is between straight talking and being an asshole.

What a load of twaddle.

My DH is not at all conventionally good-looking, he has a big nose, sticky-out ears, hooded eyes, generally very "strong" features. His XW is not bad-looking but just really plain and unexceptional. Their daughter, my stepdaughter, is an absolutely drop-dead gorgeous woman who could have been a model if that had been what she had chosen. You can never tell!

I meant in a man. I have them all. 😎

The pretty privilege is well documented, you’d be better off being better looking than you would be more educated or intelligent

My mother was very beautiful, my sister has huge bulging eyes.
You never know what's gonna pop out.
I wouldn't have had children with an ugly person to be honest.

Huge bulging eyes. 😂

I'm not sure that's true. I think happiness is mainly down to attitude and confidence. They can make someone attractive. Conventional beauty can lead to unwanted attention for the wrong reasons or jealousy. I know plenty of quite hideous looking people who are extremely happy and popular and some good looking people who fixate on minor imperfections or have no confidence.
I would always choose personality over looks. Having decent loving parents is much more important for a child than how good looking they are.

What a totally thoughtless idiot your sister is. If it was a friend I would be inclined to end the friendship but with a sister J suppose is different.

I hear you. I chose looks and boy do I regret it. But hey hò. Maybe none of it matters.

Unkind.

I am assuming you are not Carrie Johnson?

I know a couple- the mother looks like beast of a man, and the father looks like Sloth from the goodies. Their 17 year old is so handsome !
But your sister was so rude for saying that to you !

That’s such a mean, unnecessary comment to make.

But @SnackSizeRaisin it's not a trade off whereby you get either a good personality or good looks. Many have both. Some have neither.
And no of course happiness doesn't depend on how attractive you are, but being good-looking is a perk, as a PP said, much like wealth, one which the majority would choose if they had the option.
The argument that it shouldn't matter is entirely valid, but that's not the same as arguing that it doesn't. Good looks are a typically a lovely addition to ones life. Being unattractive can be very challenging, particularly for women. It is what it is.

When you give birth, caring what they look like will be well down the list of priorities. Usually it’s: are they breathing ok? Have they got all their fingers and toes? Are they jaundiced? Are they losing weight? Are they sleeping too much/not enough? You will think they are beautiful after all that. You will constantly marvel at what they do and how you two created life like that.

Your DS is thoughtless and sounds rather shallow. Is she jealous of you? beauty is in the eye of the beholder…

Its only HER opinion…

‘Unfortunate looking’ fucking hell😭

However now I’m feeling like I’ve somewhat failed my future kids that they’re going to have an upward battle with being ‘unfortunate looking’.

Bullshit genetics are a complete lottery and aging can drastically alter perceptions of prettiness over time with kids - so beautiful kids can be okay adults and vise versa. What you need to do is shut down any comments they make about your kids appearances how ever apparently minor they appear to be.

My DMum made some comment about DH - his height and early baldness mainly as I think it reminded her of her Dad who she had a complex relationship with so not really anything to do with DH.

Our kids look like both us very alike to each other but different as well - I;d say better looking than DH or me at same ages.

Even if good looks do convey soem benefits - there are downsides - I think MIL was always praised for being pretty she really struggled with aging.

Wow.
I hope they don’t think you are their friend.

I had children with a 6ft 5 gangly awkward looking shy man

My dd is tall, stunningly beautiful and has a fabulous personality with it !

You're sister is a dick !
My sons lovely looking too .

My poor friend had to put up with comments like this and teasing. Not a conventional 'good looking' guy, but he married a stunningly beautiful woman. Totally understand how she fell for him - true gentleman, funny, caring, and now a fantastic father to their three - very beautiful - children.

In my family my mum was very good looking (but looks fade) low intelligence and constantly falling out with people. The rest of us have all been average looks, but higher intelligence and no problems making friends and getting on well with people. I'd definitely rather be like the rest of us than my mum. Obviously if I had looks too that would be the icing on the cake, but that's more a thing when you're young. It seems to matter less and less the older I get.