Having a baby with not the greatest looking guy.

[Purplependant222]

My sister is my best friend, she is usually the nicest person in the world and I know this comment came out without her thinking. At the weekend I was talking with my sister and I said I was wondering what our baby (i’m pregnant with my first) will look like. She said without hesitation ‘hopefully the baby will look like you as you didn’t pick the best looking family to have a baby with’. Something along those lines with her trying to back peddle that she thinks my DH gets better looking every time she sees him as his personality shines through. There was also a comment on how all of his family are all a bit ‘unfortunate looking’.

It is true, I fell madly in love with DH’s personality and I wanted a future with him as his values/morals aligned with mine. I’m madly in love with him and couldn’t wait to have his babies.

However now I’m feeling like I’ve somewhat failed my future kids that they’re going to have an upward battle with being ‘unfortunate looking’. I’m not sure why I can’t shake it off as I know DH will be a brilliant and devoted father as he is as a husband, and I know that’s more important than my kids being 6ft tall or voted prom queen.

I think we’re hardwired to go for looks in reproductive window, look at Davina now v ‘then’ as example…

They equate to healthy offspring.

I loved my OH’s quick wit, high IQ, charisma & integrity…

Christ, wow, honestly the shit some people think is appropriate to say!! Sorry OP.

I do know a more than a few instances where this would not make me worry……in fairness one side of the family are extremely attractive (in my eyes) in two of the cases but in the others it’s a sliding scale of average on both sides.

Me and DH are very average and I think objectively my DCs will probably be better looking than we are, my brother and two out of my 7 cousins were/are considered very good looking, rest of us are just okay 😂.

I agree and I’m sure he thought I wasn’t looking that great either!

I’ve come back to this because I have remembered my own mum saying “oh gosh, I hope she takes after you”, when I was pregnant, just after finding out the baby was a girl.

My daughter, at first glance, does indeed look just like me. But her dad’s features are there in her’s too, and many of her mannerisms. She has inherited his natural charisma without a shadow of a doubt. I am autistic (diagnosed as an adult), my standard decent looks mask I am different to a point and but then it seems to unsettle people. This has been the case throughout my life, hard when I was young and didn’t understand how I was somehow set apart from my peers.

She’s still young and may grow to look more like her dad (not unattractive just has strong masculine features) but her natural ability with people will make life easier than mine has been, and my god I am glad for her.

A happy confident child will always be attractive, even if not conventionally beautiful. Happiness and confidence come partly from genes but mostly from devoted, loving and lovely parents. So, by the sounds of things, your kids will be fine!

To use horsey speak, IME, 'the dam throws the strongest lines', i.e., it's normally the mother who 'stamps' the stock.

I have a couple of female friends who have got together with, er, unusual-looking fellas, but the kids invariably look like their mothers.

(But the unusual-looking fellas were almost always the best fathers and partners, the pretty boys were useless)

Nature finds a way.

I dont see the issue with what she's said. its just a statement, and observation, its not as though she has judged his character based on his look,

no different to asking if someones baby might be a good runner because their dad was in the olympics. no one would have an issue there.

Count your blessings and put it behind you. She didn’t set out to be unkind, it just came out, just a mistake.

I also think your sister sounds like a good person to be around. we need these honest people in life, and it sounds she is that person for you.

It doesn’t matter how good looking somebody is if they have an ugly heart. Your husband sounds like he will be an amazing father to your children and that goodness will shine through. I know someone who is classically very pretty but the nastiness inside spoils it as soon as she opens her mouth 🤷🏻‍♀️

I did the opposite because I was shallow when I was young and deliberately chose my partner based on how beautiful I thought our child would be. I ignored a lot of red flags. Our child is beautiful but I regret now not thinking about how the combination of our personalities would be the worst thing to pass on. We are both fucked up with loads of flaws and I wish she had at least some genes from a steady, kind type of person. She is really struggling with mental health, and I feel like my bad choices have partly led to that. Enjoy your beautiful child to be and your happy marriage, you are v lucky.

Some posters seem to be labouring under the misapprehension that being ‘unfortunate looking’ will make you an amazing father and a good person. Naaaaaaaaaaht true.

Lol my husbands family said that about me.

Tbh he a lot more attractive than me!

His auntie told my husband the other month that my MiL confessed that she felt sorry for SIL because my children outshine hers.

They are a very shallow family and with those open attitudes I do try to shield my kids away from them because the switch in whose kids are flavour of the month is very open.

I think it's vile what your sister said and she should keep her mouth shut

What constitutes good looking? The beauty is in the beholder..when I was younger ..I might have fancied some one...yet my friend might not have...we are all individual..we all like different looks , hair colour..skin tone..
But tbh...personality wins most of the time..
You can't live with a pretty picture...but you can live with a great personality...
It's hideous all the ladies having botox to get big lips ..snail eyebrows ..they look ridiculous ..but they think they look great ..
Good looking comes from the twinkle in our eyes ..our sense of humour..our character..
Ignore your sister..

This too. Also surprised at all the posters burying their heads under the sand like being attractive isn’t helpful and all the studies on it are invalid.

What a shallow comment to make from your sister. She sounds like she’s jealous of what you and your husband have. How mean.

What a dick/dim thing to say. It says more about your sister than anything else. I’d reply with “no matter what my children look like, I know for sure they will be loved unconditionally and never turn out as shallow as you (stupid sister)”.

Your children will be beautiful just like your gorgeous husband ☺️ And yes, a beautiful personality does shine through and will never fade even when the outside does. You chose very well op.

How superficial of your sister and actually what a nasty thing to say. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and your DH just needs to be beautiful in your eyes. The baby will be stunning because they are yours. Anything else is irrelevant looks wise.

You can’t tell. Might get the best of both of you. If not - there’s always surgery. 😉

What a ridiculous post!!!

“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

Roald Dahl, The Twits

There’s a price to pay for being “beautiful” looks fade. I was considered quite beautiful when I was younger. It made life easier when I was younger and I was probably very selfish. Now my looks have gone and although I think my kids are gorgeous- I’d be happier if they were appreciated for their personalities and skills/intellect rather than the “Love Island” ideal. I was and am always insecure beneath. Husband is no oil painting but has bags of confidence and talent. Elon Musk wouldn’t be looked at twice if he hadn’t have achieved so much, now he has his pick. Your babies will always be the most beautiful people you have seen in your life. Nourish them, enjoy them and empower them to believe that they are beautiful and talented in their own special way.

We are both going fly huggers but our children are quite nice looking. Your sister sounds like a superficial Wally in this sense. She doesn’t see the beauty in your partner whereas you do.
m she misses out.

I can’t believe this even crossed her mind! Who calls anyone unattractive? I’d be so pissed off.

Regardless of all this kids are a mix and that can work out either way. Don’t worry about it at all. Your poor husband!

I find the best looking folk have average looking babies and the more interesting looking men and women have beautiful babies