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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having a baby with not the greatest looking guy.

282 replies

Purplependant222 · 24/07/2023 09:51

My sister is my best friend, she is usually the nicest person in the world and I know this comment came out without her thinking. At the weekend I was talking with my sister and I said I was wondering what our baby (i’m pregnant with my first) will look like. She said without hesitation ‘hopefully the baby will look like you as you didn’t pick the best looking family to have a baby with’. Something along those lines with her trying to back peddle that she thinks my DH gets better looking every time she sees him as his personality shines through. There was also a comment on how all of his family are all a bit ‘unfortunate looking’.

It is true, I fell madly in love with DH’s personality and I wanted a future with him as his values/morals aligned with mine. I’m madly in love with him and couldn’t wait to have his babies.

However now I’m feeling like I’ve somewhat failed my future kids that they’re going to have an upward battle with being ‘unfortunate looking’. I’m not sure why I can’t shake it off as I know DH will be a brilliant and devoted father as he is as a husband, and I know that’s more important than my kids being 6ft tall or voted prom queen.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 25/07/2023 22:17

SimplyReadHead · 25/07/2023 21:12

“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

Roald Dahl, The Twits

🥰

Lelophants · 25/07/2023 22:18

sewerrat · 25/07/2023 18:30

I also think your sister sounds like a good person to be around. we need these honest people in life, and it sounds she is that person for you.

I’m guessing this is a joke! What even counts as good looking?

BaconChops · 25/07/2023 22:49

BaconChops · 25/07/2023 19:21

What a shallow comment to make from your sister. She sounds like she’s jealous of what you and your husband have. How mean.

Genetics are fickle. Combining the genes of two parents with radically different attractiveness levels doesn't mean that the child would be unattractive. Similarly how mixing the genes of two extremely attractive parents does not guarantee that their offspring would be equally beautiful.

Pinkfluff76 · 25/07/2023 22:55

I’ve seen plenty of good looking kids and wondered how the hell that happened when I see what their parents look like…

Overnightoats1 · 25/07/2023 23:27

Genes are a funny things! You never know how they are all going to work together! Sometimes things just work and other times they don't... personality , kindness and manners count for a lot more..

I do have a very pretty petite friend who married a huge rugby player with a strong jaw and big nose - which looks good and manly on her DH.. not so much on her DD... it could have gone either way..

CelestiaNoctis · 26/07/2023 01:09

Your partner deserves better.

Mari9999 · 26/07/2023 01:32

@CelestiaNoctis
In the real world , there is a reasonably good chance that the OP's very wonderful husband is praying to the God's of Good Fortune for a healthy baby that looks very much like his wife rather than like him.

angelfacecuti75 · 26/07/2023 04:06

"I didn't go for his looks sis...between u me and the gate post ....i went with him as i fell in love with his personality and that makes him beautiful TO ME...what are you so worried about anyway..."
This is what i would have said*^.

angelfacecuti75 · 26/07/2023 04:07

Ps secretly i prayed that my son would look like his dad too. Redhead. So he didnt have to suffer like i did , the endless bullying...

FluffyBenji23 · 26/07/2023 07:53

ALL children are beautiful! Apart from the very few adults who are naturally genetically stunning how you look as an adult depends on how much care you take of yourself physically (you ARE what you eat) such as skin, hair, weight etc. You can very much make a silk purse from a sow's ear - evidenced from some (nasty) shots of make up free celebs on an off day. How very sad though to measure worth by appearance - life is too short. Women spend far too much time worrying about such things instead of enjoying themselves! I look at pictures of myself as a teen when I was miserable as I was fat - I was a size 12!!!!

Jifmicroliquid · 26/07/2023 08:09

statetrooperstacey · 24/07/2023 11:20

We had the opposite in my family, when my very good looking sister told me she was pregnant by her extremely good looking boyfriend I told her to brace herself because her baby will look like a potato , in my exp 2 gorgeous people do not make gorgeous children.

I agree with this. I know quite a few very good looking couples who have produced very average looking children and some less conventional looking people whose children are stunning.
It’s luck of the drawer and I also think that quite a lot of good looking children grow out of their looks and go quite plain as they get older and more plain children sometimes blossom as they grow up.
My best friend was the better looking out of me and her when we were kids, but in our twenties I seemed to blossom and she went quite plain looking. I was not a conventionally good looking child and people double take now when they meet me again after a long time. Adulthood was kind to me, looks wise.

anon666 · 26/07/2023 08:22

I'd pick a great guy who will be a wonderful dad and husband any day over a good looking one.

Looks genuinely aren't everything, they aren't even that much in reality.

Think about the people you meet, do you ever judge them for not being stunning looking? I never do. We judge ourselves more harshly than anyone else would.

You'll be glad every day of your life that you have a great match with DH, but looks genuinely wear off.

Here4thechocs · 26/07/2023 10:19

Flufferblub · 24/07/2023 09:54

I'm no oil painting. My kids are beautiful. Your baby will always be beautiful no matter what. Fuck society's beauty standards

This !!! Awesome 👏

Boudiccabitesback · 26/07/2023 10:53

DD father looked like he'd been 12 rounds with Mike Tyson then run over with a steam roller. In fact he very much looked like a notorious American killer.... BUT DD is stunning. Her children are stunning too.
Your sister is an arse.
Enjoy your pregnancy and baby when he/she arrives 🌺

PeachyPeachTrees · 26/07/2023 11:13

My DH doesn't look anything like his parents or siblings. Different facial features, hair, height and build. He stood out in family photos! It was only when I saw a photo of his grandfather that I realised he was actually their child after all! Our DCs both look like me. It's all a luck of the draw.

renamedbutsame · 26/07/2023 11:16

that is ridiculous. looks mean nothing in the UK. I have seen it played long enough, the most unapealing visualities get the most money here.

Hibiscrubbed · 26/07/2023 11:25

Boudiccabitesback · 26/07/2023 10:53

DD father looked like he'd been 12 rounds with Mike Tyson then run over with a steam roller. In fact he very much looked like a notorious American killer.... BUT DD is stunning. Her children are stunning too.
Your sister is an arse.
Enjoy your pregnancy and baby when he/she arrives 🌺

DD father looked like he'd been 12 rounds with Mike Tyson then run over with a steam roller. In fact he very much looked like a notorious American killer..

Is that your thing, or….? 🫤

LovelyIssues · 26/07/2023 15:55

Your sister is an ar*ehole.

Boudiccabitesback · 26/07/2023 17:09

@Hibiscrubbed I was young, beer goggles and fooled by the accent 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣🤣

Guineamypiggy · 26/07/2023 17:17

I’m a teacher and honestly it’s so random. I have been surprised by attractive kids having very odd looking parents and vice versa. Unconventional looking people can also be attractive though. I would totally have babies with Claes Bang and he is not Hollywood attractive 😃. Your sister is very shallow.

Sashadasha · 26/07/2023 17:30

I have two extraordinarily beautiful children. When DS was a toddler I couldn’t walk down the street without being stopped and told what a beautiful child he was. I was in a cafe a while ago with only one other table occupied, by two older women who had a long and loud conversation about how much more beautiful children can be than their parents. It’s true, although I did feel a bit dented. Don’t worry about it. A wonderful dad is much more of an asset to your children than looks and they’re likely to take after both sides as they mature anyway.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 26/07/2023 18:03

Boudiccabitesback · 26/07/2023 17:09

@Hibiscrubbed I was young, beer goggles and fooled by the accent 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣🤣

Grin So much more honest than "Well I look for the beauty inside a person, actually."

Warszawa · 26/07/2023 18:49

There is an art to life isn't there - We all know the depth and quality of relationships - whether that be friends, family, colleagues or whatever have nothing to do with looks and everything to do with character.

you have a great partner who help you provide a wonderful childhood and family
life - you've hit the jackpot and I wish you all the best

Callipygion · 26/07/2023 19:35

I’m pig ugly, and my husband is no oil painting either - but my two kids are absolutely gorgeous (and I’m not even joking this time! )

Topsyturveymam · 26/07/2023 22:08

My dad was a good lucking bloke but an abusive kn@bhead. I’d swop him for a good dad with dodgy looks in a heartbeat!

Be glad that you are giving your child a brilliant dad. Being surrounded by love and support will give them the best chance of happiness themselves. Who needs a perfect face when you have been empowered by a great childhood.