Having a baby with not the greatest looking guy.

[Purplependant222]

My sister is my best friend, she is usually the nicest person in the world and I know this comment came out without her thinking. At the weekend I was talking with my sister and I said I was wondering what our baby (i’m pregnant with my first) will look like. She said without hesitation ‘hopefully the baby will look like you as you didn’t pick the best looking family to have a baby with’. Something along those lines with her trying to back peddle that she thinks my DH gets better looking every time she sees him as his personality shines through. There was also a comment on how all of his family are all a bit ‘unfortunate looking’.

It is true, I fell madly in love with DH’s personality and I wanted a future with him as his values/morals aligned with mine. I’m madly in love with him and couldn’t wait to have his babies.

However now I’m feeling like I’ve somewhat failed my future kids that they’re going to have an upward battle with being ‘unfortunate looking’. I’m not sure why I can’t shake it off as I know DH will be a brilliant and devoted father as he is as a husband, and I know that’s more important than my kids being 6ft tall or voted prom queen.

@Purplependant222
Nothing anyone says positive or unpleasant will have any impact on how your children will look. If you have several children they may all look different.

Unfortunately, your sister expressed her honest opinion. However, her opinion has no impact on how your children will look . Nor will the countless statements offered to the contrary. The truth is that the genetic mix will make that determination and you will know when the child is born. Regardless of what your baby looks like you will love your child.

It is normal to wonder so many things about your baby and the truth is no one can provide any certain answers to any of those questions. Best not to ask questions for which you do not want the person's honest opinion.

In this situation, most people would say something meant to be reassuring but in truth, they just like your sister have absolutely no way of knowing with certainty how this particular child will look.

My children look nothing like each other and not particularly like either of us.

Looks are really random. I know a very pretty, 'normal' looking girl and her dad is VERY distinctive looking! She has v watered down versions of some of his features but hardly a carbon copy. And lovely figure as well.

They deserved that lotto win.

Op, your sister is an idiot. Don't let it ruin your pregnancy or make you worry about your future kids. Looks are so subjective and what might be in fashion today is not tomorrow.

Whatever your sister thinks she should have kept her thoughts to herself. Once you hear nonsense like this it does make you wonder and worry. When DD was born I thought she was absolutely stunning but then my mil kept pointing our her slightly big and roundish nose and it really worried me whether she would get bullied or whether it would affect her self esteem. I know mil didn't mean it in an unkind way. She was worried that DD inherited her looks and she is very, very insecure about them. So I can relate to your worries and how a stupid throwaway remark can affect you. We all want our kids to have an easy life and I still wish mil had never mentioned it to me.

One of my oldest and best friends is by his own admission ‘not a looker’ but is the kindest and most generous person with the best manners I have ever had the pleasure to have in my life. His wife is simply lovely and beautiful, they have been together forever and he even says ‘I don’t know how I managed to get her’ - I do - it’s because she fell in love with who he is and not what he looks like - and they have the most beautiful little girls

Your sister sounds like an utter knob!

Your sister sounds ugly with her attitude. Ignore her.

I was at university with the most plain looking girl. I used to ask my suitors to invite her for a dance (very discreetly). Otherwise she would be completely overlooked. She graduated with a first class degree. Then we lost touch. I bumpted into her 10 years later and was absolutely amazed. She somehow found her style and bloossomed beyod belief. It's amazing how far stylish haircut, makeup and clothes can take a very plain looking person (with a big nose). Fast forward another 10 years - she is running a successful business and is still married (with 3 kids) when most of my former uni crowd are divorced.

Firstly, how the looks turn out is a bit of a gamble with genetics so there’s no point worrying about it before they’re even born. What does “weird looking” mean anyway? These days if there’s a particularly prominent feature that makes you really unhappy there is scope for alteration and improvement if you really want to go down that road.

Having a good father, though, will be sooooo much more important to their lives than some super model who abandons them or is a crap Dad.

We had the opposite in my family, when my very good looking sister told me she was pregnant by her extremely good looking boyfriend I told her to brace herself because her baby will look like a potato , in my exp 2 gorgeous people do not make gorgeous children.

Even if your kids get the most unfortunate combination of your genes you will still love them…

A lot of beautiful people have not so beautiful kids. And vice versa.

And you said it yourself- having a stable home with loving and involved parents who have good morals is far more important than looks. Though I understand that of course life often is easier/kinder on those who are good looking. But it’s not the most important thing.

Congrats on your pregnancy OP.

Absolutely. Your baby will be beautiful - babies ARE beautiful. Society places so much emphasis on looks (especially on girls and women), break free from that. Focus on raising them to be strong, compassionate individuals who can make valuable contributions to the world around them. Make sure they know their worth, whether they are 'good-looking' or not. Society builds up good-looking women especially and then tears them down as they struggle to either keep their looks (impossible) or find their worth beyond their physical attributes.

Hi, I’ve just got my period at 20days. And I had a temp drop on day8 this month, so it has come 6days early as I’m normally 26 days. I’m gutted about this. I am 42 and have been trying so hard to take care of myself and my cycle slipping like this has totally freaked me out. Why would it do this when I am living so clean? The only culprit can be stress - as I am always so worked up about conceiving. Does anyone have any positive stories of how they combat this? It’s having me in floods of tears every few days. And I’m no longer able to concentrate at work as it’s on my mind so much.

My DH is unfortunate looking. My DC look exactly like me, it’s like I literally spat them out. However I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried before they were born, thinking they might look like DH - or worse, that I might have a daughter who looks like his mum (even more unattractive). Being ugly does negatively affect your life, and nobody wants that for their kids. We’re not talking about merely being average here - some people are below average and actually get a “yuck” response from others.

I did draw the line at having kids with a different man though, because of his micro penis. That goes beyond just being ugly - if I had a son who inherited that it would literally ruin his life.

Why on Earth is this 75% YABU? That was a horrible nasty vitriolic comment that your sister made @Purplependant222 It did not 'slip out' accidentally... She was thinking that exactly ... that your baby's father/your partner is ugly. OR as a few posters have said, he isn't bad looking and she is jealous.

I'm willing to bet that there's a 99% chance that your partner is actually quite decent looking and a really nice guy .. maybe he doesn't look like Brad Pitt or Jack Grealish or Harry Styles! like most men don't. So what?

My husband genuinely looks a little bit like Mulder from X Files, and he is pale and blonde and wee bit freckly - and he is only 5 foot 8-so not super tall. (OK though as I am only 5 ft 4.)

I'd had boyfriends before (in the early to mid 1980s) that looked like John Travolta - like Italian looking and dusky and 6 foot 3 ... One of my cousins and a couple of so-called 'friends' made comments like, 'what happened I thought you liked the tall exotic men?' and 'is that the best you can get now, a short-arse paleface?' So rude! He is gorgeous and handsome, and my kids are gorgeous because of him ... and I love him ... and the negative comments just made me love him more ...

Your sister sounds horrible not gonna lie... Jealous too! Like my cousin and 2 'friends.' Who, funnily enough have been through about 8 marriages between them since I met DH in the late 1980s and are now alone in their 50s.

The same person you may think is beautiful will be nothing special to someone else. I think Evan Peters is gorgeous, my best friend thinks he's really ugly!
Everyone has different views on what they think is attractive, but your baby will always be perfect to you.

Wrong thread?

EVAN PETERS UGLY? Tell your friend to get her eyes tested!

Many congratulations on your pregnancy!

I know a lot of amazing looking people with the ugliest personalities. I look like a cross between rose west and arlene foster. My huband is like an old ugly martin clunes. Our daughter is beautiful but most importantly she is kind.

I just hope your lovely baby avoids the twat gene your sister obviously inherited.

@PurpleButterflyWings I know right!!!! 🤣

So basically 'good looking' people are only allowed to have kids?

Who defines who is good looking or not? And what do 'ugly' people do if they want to have kids?

Not that I personally think it matters I am just trying to work the logic, but I don't get why people care if someone says something that ridiculous like what is in the op in the first place

@Purplependant222

Surely it will be better inheriting your DH's traits rather than the big mouth and unfortunate personality from your side of the family?

Christ, classy comment NOT. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, looks certainly aren’t everything and don’t last forever. Personality trumps every time.

Your sister is unkind and bitchy - I wouldn’t want those traits.

You're sister is tactless. However, life can be much easier for conventionally good looking people than for those who are not considered attractive. For that reason, most people if given the choice would sooner their children had good looks than didn't, so some of the outrage on here is a little self righteous and disingenuous.
There is however simply no way of knowing how the combination of your and your DHs genes will play out in an individual childs looks. I know twins where one is stunning, but a slight variation of features in the other makes them very plain. Their parents are good looking.
If your child isn't conventionally attractive, then they will join a huge number of people in the same boat, most of whom, like your DH, find success and happiness due to their other traits.

Firstly wow she sounds jelous and a right cow.

I always find the best looking kids have very average looking parents. It’s much much more important that your baby has a good personality and good father. You fell in love despite what partner looks like. I know myself that the guys I truly loved the most weren’t the best looking ones I dated.

this isn’t diminishing your worry but I did notice that when I was pregnant I fixated on the weirdest fears.. I think your hormones are making you overly worry about this issue. you are going to have a beautiful baby with a good personality and happy childhood because you chose the right person to have a baby with I promise.