Things on MNs that are confusing?

[ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees]

Just curious if anyone else wonders about these things:

1. DP/DH with super outing hobby - what are these hobbies, naked trampoline tennis?

2. DP/DH with super stressful job - what is it? Is it a known stressful job or is DP/DP just describing it as that? Anyone ever consider DH is incompetent or has been over promoted?

3. The notion of a "posh wank" - it doesn't exist, it's a lie told by men caught cheating. Do people really believe it's a real thing?

The unwillingness to believe that anyone earns over 200k bothers me. People snort derisively and say “as if anyone earning that would be posting on MN” as if that’s a slam dunk, but… why wouldn’t anyone earning that much be posting here? There’s an assumption that it must be a jet-setting lifestyle but the reality is that to earn that much I need to actually turn up and work, it’s not all 5 star all inclusive holidays, and I’ve time in the evenings/mornings and even during the working day to post, just like everyone else.

It's a recurring theme that high salaries quotes on MN are fabricated. I think most people just live in silos and aren't aware of what is normal in other sectors, cities or social groups.

Not quite the same point, but I always think if I was well known I'd hang out here all the more to enjoy the anonymity for a change.

Only if she was at home, largely unable to engage with professionals but expressing a wish to attend school and be "normal". Spending months hanging out at the park having a laugh and dodging the truant officer is not school refusal in it's currently understood form, which is now usually referred to as Emotionally Based School Avoidance.

The hobby is a form of cycling that involves dogging stops along the route. That's why nobody wants to specify. Doubly embarrassing.

I always found them strange, even stranger how many people bite the bait and respond with great details about their personal life.
Now you've mentioned scamming, it really makes their attempts that much easier.

Typical MN in my experience:
In 40s, high earner, separated after being in a coercive controlling relationship, ex possibly had undiagnosed ADHD, NC with narcissistic mother, has neurodivergent children.

And of course never leaves those children with another adult for even a moment despite being in a successful career because of course everyone is a paedophile.

There's no reason to be rude, you said you work in a place where you get to closely observe counselling patients, how was I supposed to psychically know that you actually work elsewhere in the building and just spend a lot of time spying on some unrelated business that happens to be in the same building?

Impressive that you manage to get any of your own work done, considering you're somehow able to keep such close track on other tenants' clients that you're able to monitor and gauge the age of every single person who comes into the building.

I actually have worked in mental health (my PhD was in the neuroscience of mental illness), and it's a very even split age-wise. That's based on having actual professional experience and access to national stats, not "well there's a counsellor in my building and I mainly see young people, so obviously this case study of one means only young people seek counselling." Perhaps the person in your building specialises in young people?

And mental illness has nothing to do with "not coping with stuff" or not having resilience. That's ignorant and stigmatising.

Do you have any idea just how many people were institutionalised for mental illness in the 1960s, 1950s, and before? How many people were on valium? What huge number of men were treated for PTSD (then named "shellshock") after WWI and WWII? My grandfather who served in WWI was treated for PTSD. I have immediate family members who spent time in psychiatric hospitals in the 1950s and 1960s.

Many, many people keep their mental health concerns private, or are in denial or simply don't recognise things as signs of a mental health issue. There's absolutely zero way you could say for certain that the person who lives next door to you has never experienced anything other than perfect mental health their entire life.

What I find confusing is the same 3 people defending Harry & Meghan to the hilt on any thread about them. It's borderline obsessive.

I haven't read that particular thread but no, the real obsessives are the ones starting literally hundreds of threads to bash Harry and Meghan, who spend all day every day for years just completely fixating on how much they hate Meghan, make up crazy lies about having friends in Buckingham Palace who are giving them inside scoops the tabloids would pay hugely for, somehow keep up to date with every obscure blog rumour about Meghan, follow everything Meghan does despite hating her (watched the Oprah interview, read the Harry book, listened to Meghan's podcast - I quite like Meghan and even I didn't listen to more than 5 mins of the God awful podcast, and never read the Harry book), post all kinds of stuff about what a horrible manipulative bitch she is and how poor weak Harry is being manipulated and mistreated by her, act as though they know her personally and have a profound psychological insight into her character and that of her whole family. That's weird and obsessive.

I really haven't seen any posters who make a habit of defending them except for Rousette who is a very reasonable and level-headed poster, who's clearly motivated by the racism that sometimes (not always, and much less than before, but sometimes) pervades the hate threads.

Most of the posters who defend Meghan are black or biracial too, which puts a different perspective on things. A lot of what gets called "Meghan defending" is black posters who aren't really fussed about Meghan as a person objecting to racist comments being used against her.

You are of the three, aren’t you? To type out an essay in defence of two people who have largely
become the butt of everyone’s jokes.

Exactly! I've never read as much advice for people to leave their husbands. Or equally be in a solid, happy relationship with a family and get so much advice about preparing for when they eventually separate or he cheats.

I agree a lot of those attacked as defending Meghan are black posters challenging the racism.
There is a lot of racism on MN.

I totally agree with this.

"Only if she was at home, largely unable to engage with professionals but expressing a wish to attend school and be "normal". "

She was at home, but probably not expressing a wish to go to school. Her DM seemed happy with her being at home, which I judged at the time, but we're both doing similar things in life now...

@BMrs

>>Exactly! I've never read as much advice for people to leave their husbands. Or equally be in a solid, happy relationship with a family and get so much advice about preparing for when they eventually separate or he cheats.

Exactly plus 1.
The rash of LTBs is incredible - smacks to me of folk with a personal agenda/trying to exorcise their own demons - both very bad IMHO when supposedly giving advice with the receiver's best interests at heart. In fact more than very bad - appalling and sad.
LTB seems to dance hand in hand with "get your ducks in a row" as well. The "Ducks in row" mantra is a subject in itself.

I don't get why people put 'name changed so not to be outing', aren't you just going against the point of changing your name??

Oh and I thought it was just me who find some of the behaviour on MN amusing!

One thing that puzzles me. having had my children 40+ years ago, is why mothers find it necessary to carry their child around all the time especially when they then complain that the said child cries when put down!

And the same people take everything that the Grauniad says as gospel.

People who post photos of themselves, wearing leggings and a loose tunic or turned to the side/most flattering angle, asking what size we think they are. Often-times the outfit worn hides most of the body so the person could be anywhere from a 10 to an 18 +. The comments, as no doubt envisaged and sought by the poster, are mostly of the "you look gorgeous", "fab curves", "wish I had your figure" etc. Of course there are always a few "my mum/sister/friend is a size 24 and looks similar so I'm saying "24""...

There are also those who post, looking absolutely stunning, fantastic figures, asking "is my stomach huge?". I do roll my eyes at these desperate cries for compliments.

They also "cook from scratch" every night - you forgot that one 😀

Childless people (like me) have such exciting lives - we can move countries at the drop of a hat or live abroad half the year, have multiple (expensive) hobbies, learn new languages constantly, dine out every night, spend every weekend travelling the country in search of adventure, spend evenings out at social events, with multiple groups of friends etc etc.

Me? I work from home pretty much 100% of the time, go for a walk after work, have dinner with DH in front of the TV, going out perhaps once or twice a week to a local pub / restaurant. Yep, have a couple of holidays a year and a few weekends away but other than that I'm largely as lazy as the next person.

I had never heard of a posh wank until Mumsnet. Was in bed next to husband when I first heard the term and asked what it meant, he explained. I asked if he'd ever done it.. yes he has. Asked why... because it's wetter and feels more like sex then a regular wank. I believe him. What do you understand about that?

No.

If you NC for the new thread then you're not linking your new post about the dog eating the postman's shoe to dozens of other posts about where you went on holiday, difficulty finding jeans for your height, the ages of your children, advice on your curl type, the parking crisis on your high street, your job etc etc.

If all those little bits can be linked together then you're more likely to be recognised.

Then the reason you announce the NC, is to fend off sarky troll hunters saying "interesting first post OP", because you have no prior posting history under that username.

The answer to nearly every problem is to "outsource as much as you can"

....but at the same time there always seems to be a lot of suspicion/problems/AIBUs with whoever they've outsourced!

Eg I paid the cleaner for 3 hours but my ring door bell says they left after 10 min/I gave them £5 too much and they didn't mention it.
The nanny takes too much time off sick and only gave 5 days notice before wanting to visit her auntie in Colombia
The housekeeper didn't do some of the chores that I expected them to
A tradesman had the cheek to ask to use the toilet/had 5 cups of tea/expected something to eat

....and anyone who accepts or pays cash and 98% of tradespeople are definitely tax dodgers