Things on MNs that are confusing?

[ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees]

Just curious if anyone else wonders about these things:

1. DP/DH with super outing hobby - what are these hobbies, naked trampoline tennis?

2. DP/DH with super stressful job - what is it? Is it a known stressful job or is DP/DP just describing it as that? Anyone ever consider DH is incompetent or has been over promoted?

3. The notion of a "posh wank" - it doesn't exist, it's a lie told by men caught cheating. Do people really believe it's a real thing?

I've noticed that when the man is the higher earner all money is family money and must be shared equally blah blah blah, but when a man wants access to a woman's money its financial abuse and he should only be allowed her share of the bills.

If their friends do recognise them, they aren't able to look up the ops previous posting history. So protecting their privacy of previous posts and comments

The demand that DHs must do 50% of all housework/childcare or you are a pick-me anti-feminist airhead is silly tbh.

Life doesn't work that way for most people nor should it. Instead, both partners should take 50% of the necessary "stuff" that needs doing. EG: childcare, housework, earning money, other caring responsibilities such as elderly parents, bedtimes, morning routine, school runs, cooking, shopping, gardening etc etc etc, as long as everyone is doing 50% of the overall effort, and noone is demanding that gender dictates which role you take on, it's totally find for one person to take on a whole role.

AND sometimes one partner might not have 50% to give sometimes. If that partner is tired, or stressed, or sick then they might only be able to give 20% and in these cases and as a partner, the other person needs to cover them and give 80% and should expect the same back when they only gave 20%. Partners should do this for each other.

50% of everything at all times is all very well for machines, but people are not machines.

DH is a narcissist, exDH was also a narcissist, DMiL is a narcissist, my best friend is also a narcissist, DF is a narcissist, everyone is being nasty to me.

I think you may be missing an important link here.

Why the feminist board is dominated by anti feminists who chase off any real feminists.

Yeah but that’s for a very good reason: because very very few men take years out of work to care for children, derailing their careers and thus their financial independence in the process.

The whole point about shared money (and the whole idea behind marriage) is to safeguard the lower earning partner in the relationship (usually the woman), because almost invariably that comes as a result of childcare commitments.

It isn’t designed to allow an able bodied grown man who is capable of supporting himself to sponge off a hard working woman.

I out-earn my partner by a factor of three to one but he hasn’t had his career derailed by being a single parent for a decade (he’s not my daughter’s father). I wouldn’t let him starve and I’m happy to pay a higher proportion of costs according to my income and assets as is fair, but I’m damned if I’m going to carry him financially. He’s capable of earning his own money. Which is why I would never marry him.

My "answer" is that the post was not aimed at you ffs!!!!!!

People who come onto a general purpose discussion thread and offload their own personal story.

Seriously, you need to get over yourself. I'm sorry if you had a terrible childhood but you really are missing the point here. It's not about you! Millions of people had happy childhoods. Can you explain to me why so many young people have bad mental health if today's parenting is so, so, much better than that of the previous generations.

People who come onto a general purpose discussion thread and offload their own personal story.

was just thinking this

I'll never understand the line "why did you have children with this man?". So unfucking helpful and passive aggressive.

The need to cut people down and derail threads is just bizarre. People focusing in on tiny & irrelevant details, trying to trip the op up. "Oh but you said X". Just being oppositional for the fun usually, often in a faux innocent way. It's a very unpleasant characteristic, and I do wonder how these people have any friends if their online persona matches their real life one.

The Style & Beauty threads, where some posters just want to criticise & belittle others choices or suggestions. Their agenda is usually posting (allegedly) high fashion 4 times the ops budget, which doesn't even meet the brief. The judgement in S&B from a few very frequent posters ruin most threads, banging on about what they would wear. Over and over.

Groups of school mums who know each other from nursery or because they have older kids, are never just friends who chat, they're cliques.

Everything is 'naice.' what's wrong with writing 'nice?'
I know, actually. Posters don't want to appear to be rich.

And no-one can possibly afford private schools, because fees increase every year and you'll have to mortgage your house to pay for the uniform, trips abroad and music lessons.

Don't forget that you should always react 'calmly' even though your toddler might have just butted your head hard enough to cause you concussion.

@TruthThatsHardAsSteel I just remember all the threads there have been on here from people who have zero friends.

No, YOU need to get over yourself. You need to stop insisting you are right all the time and accept that times have changed. And if you're not willing to move with the times then you can at least accept that you are not the mum, you're the gran now and you don't get the final say.

And people have always had mental health issues. We just recognise them now instead of ignoring them.

I am neither a mum nor a gran - so you've got that one massively wrong. Yes, people have always had mental health issues, but please give those of us who were around at the time some credit for being able to see that it was NOTHING like the problems today.

I also wasn't talking about mental health in the past, but now. According to you everyone had shit parents, but I work in a place where people come in for counselling every day. I rarely see anyone my age or older, they are all young people and many of them are children. How does that tally with your "the only parents who know how to raise children are those doing it now" narrative.

I am confused by S&B in particular:

• Rigid and fusty ideas about wedding attire on the board. A poster will ask "Is this okay for a wedding?" and post a picture of a perfectly serviceable outfit. Cue tonnes of replies saying its too short, too low, too dark, too light, too formal, too casual. As long as you're not proposing showing up looking like Marylin Manson, wear whatever the fuck you like.

• People asking for clothes advice on S&B. Why would you ask a bunch of completely anonymous, random internet strangers about what you should wear? You have no idea about posters' taste or style at all so why would you put any stock/value on their advice? For me, the ubiquitous Birkenstocks recommendation says it all.

Poster: "I said a polite 'good morning' to a woman who lives over the road once and now she has started coming out of her house every time I go for a walk and has started to join me on my walk every single time. She also turns up at my local coffee shop every time I'm there and sits down at my table and talks to me even though I'm reading a book or trying to get some work done. She texts me 100 times a day and cries whenever she sees me with a friend and wants to know why she wasn't invited. I have told her to leave me alone several times and she won't. Last week we were on holiday and when we arrived she was hiding in the boot of the car with her luggage, expecting to share our accommodation. She has twice tried to kidnap my child and I regularly find her in my home, wearing my underwear and using my toothbrush. What can I do?"

Mumsnet: "She's clearly just lonely! You're being really mean. You might be the only person she speaks to each day! Poor woman. If it's a bit much for you, maybe you could agree some boundaries whereby you only see her on four afternoons a week, and arrange a separate holiday with her so that she doesn't have to come with you on your family trip? Does she have ASD? My DD has ASD and it's so hurtful when people don't want to be friends with her. You are a monster."

Style and beauty is mystifying. Most of the recommendations are for very ugly clothes.

@Threenow school refusal used to very rare. I knew no one personally in this situation. Now I keep meeting parents with a child who refuses to go to school.

I'm not the person that said that. But I suspect the reason you don't see older people come in with mental health issues is because they were taught to suppress their feelings and not talk about them. I am glad younger people don't feel they have to do that.

Yep. It's not even as if the recommendations are ugly but very high fashion clothes. This would still be weird but kind of a bit more understandable if some posters were real fashionistas.

But they're not, they're just clothes from ordinary, everyday shops. MNers just somehow manage to home in on the ugliest shit.

Kinda little house on the Prairie comes to mind!

I also don't understand in S&B the belief that all women should have short nails painted only in natural-type tones; a tiny little bit of mascara; hair dyed only a very natural-looking colour; clothes colours perfectly matched to their skin tone; a Birkin bag; and maybe a dash of red lippie if they're feeling particularly fruity.

What a totally boring, dull existence.

Smacks of women making themselves as small and invisible as possible. Fuck that.

MNers just somehow manage to home in on the ugliest shit.

😆😆😆

So glad it’s not just me who thinks this. Some of the recommendations, particularly on dresses for wedding guests threads, baffle me. If it makes the model - someone literally paid to look good in clothes - look like a potato wearing a lampshade that wouldn’t even get stolen from a skip, what hope do mere mortals have of pulling it off?