How to approach a husband who disappears

[ann3111]

Does this very often. My questioning and understandable anger just leads to him slamming the doors, swearing and upsetting the kids. He went at 5pm to get flour for a recipe I’m making for dinner. It’s 7:23 now still not returned. Won’t pick up my phone and won’t respond to my pleas to please tell me where he is or what time coming home as I need to make something else for dinner.

He has ED. Suffered since our 20’s so I don’t think it’s sexual. He’s not a very sexual person in what I know of him. I have no idea where he goes or what he does. I’m sick of his selfish behaviour.

That's very strange and bizarre behaviour, I'd assume sex, gambling, drunk, drugs, affaire ... not necessarily in that order

I'd approach him with divorce papers as this isn't a marriage. Intimidation and neglect isn't on.

He doesn’t do drugs. Never has. Does drink but he can drink at home. I’m so sick of his selfish behaviour. I’m halfway through dinner and will have to chuck the lot as I don’t feel like cooking now. Kids have dinner at 6pm so I fed them oven food instead already but he’s so selfish.

Sorry this is happening.

Whatever he’s doing, he’s up to no good and has no respect for you or your time.

What are the barriers to you ending the relationship? Can you see a way of changing that?

Tell him that you don’t give a fuck what’s going on with him, as he clearly has no intentions of a discussion he has kids.

Id be “disappearing” a lot more often myself op!

See everytime my mind goes to car crash, or something else explaining his behaviour snd he turns up like nothings wrong!

He does it deliberately to put you in your place. It doesn't matter what he's doing, he's being abusive.

That's just rude

That's such odd behaviour

If he said ‘I’m just popping to the pub tonight’ how would you respond? Would you kick up a fuss or are you generally okay with that?

He's an arsehole. Dump.

God why do you put up with this shit? Next time he breezes in tell him you want a divorce. You are enabling this behaviour.

Do you communicate well? Ask what he's been doing, if he's shady then you know to dig more, if he's horrible his hiding something
Good luck and don't put up with nonsense

He doesn't respect you. He treats you as irrelevant. And then abuses you when you try to pull him up on his behaviour.

Is this what you want from your relationship?

If it were me, I'd tell him that the marriage is over because he's not prepared to treat it as a partnership.

Ime you give him power by chasing him. Embrace the peace while you plan your divorce.

Go about your business like he is no great miss. Because surely he can't be?

He's doing it to shut you up. Next time, have his stuff ready and bagged for him.

Practise the phrase. "Off you fuck" and mean it

Well, he's a prick and you'll be looking to divorce him at your earliest convenience. I'd also be posting all over his social media that you are worried for him and he needs to answer. A bit of public shaming. Cos he's a prick.

I wouldn't bother to give him any reaction. I would just completely ignore it and carry on as though he had only been gone 5 minutes, whilst quietly making plans to leave him.

And I'd 100% never ask him to "pop out" to get anything ever again. It's a power trip and one he is abusing. Act like you're single and when you're at home you can't leave the kids and prepare.

Addiction? Gambling? Any signs of that?

I would do this too.

Can you put his phone on sharing location? Or an AirTag in car (if he drives every time) or a pocket? At least you’ll have an idea of what’s going on and decide how you want to deal with it?

You'd only know where he was, not what he was doing and it would drive you mad. Just bin him!

Why are you allowing your poor kids to live in this environment? They don't stand a chance in knowing what a healthy relationship looks like as they get older.