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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

son with older woman

171 replies

maratara · 23/07/2023 14:26

I'm very happy with my son having a lovely lady who is 12 yo older but other people are worried. He is 25 and she is 37.
Would that bother you?
He had a terrible gf before so I am very happy.
Obviously not my business - was just looking for thoughts

OP posts:
GladAllOver · 23/07/2023 14:30

If she makes him happy then good for him.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 23/07/2023 14:32

Would you have an issue of the genders were reversed? I see no issue myself. Bigger age gap between me and my husband.

CurlewKate · 23/07/2023 14:32

Yes, it would bother me.

HRTQueen · 23/07/2023 14:33

Yes it would bother me but I see 25 as still being young.

30/42 wouldn’t so much

CurlewKate · 23/07/2023 14:33

And yes, I would also be bothered if the sexes were reversed.

Frabbits · 23/07/2023 14:34

They are both grown adults. Ifthey are both happy then who cares what narrow minded people think?

Lampzade · 23/07/2023 14:35

Wouldn’t be ideal, but your son is twenty five .

HRTQueen · 23/07/2023 14:35

Agree if the sexes were revered

when I was 25 I was asked out far more men 35+ than men of my own age and it certainly wasn’t because I was mature for my age I still looked 18

drpet49 · 23/07/2023 14:36

CurlewKate · 23/07/2023 14:32

Yes, it would bother me.

Me too. It would bother me.

user1477391263 · 23/07/2023 14:38

Personally, I feel like anything more than 10 years makes things difficult, eventually, if it is going to be a LTR (of course, it may not be). I’d wonder if they are on the same page. Does she have kids? If not, does she want them? If he thinks of this as a bit of fun for a year or two and she thinks he’s going to be with her for the long term, he’s potentially wasting her time. If she does have kids from a previous relationship, that’s a different set of potential issues.

Lemieux7 · 23/07/2023 14:41

It's up to your son who he dates. I can't see what the issue is at all.

Lemieux7 · 23/07/2023 14:42

CurlewKate · 23/07/2023 14:32

Yes, it would bother me.

Why? You can't expect your children to live their lives according to what you'd want.

Easyontheeyes · 23/07/2023 14:42

Does she have children?

Frabbits · 23/07/2023 14:43

CurlewKate · 23/07/2023 14:32

Yes, it would bother me.

But so what? A 25 year old is easily old enough to make their own decisions.

CurlewKate · 23/07/2023 14:44

@Lemieux7 "Why? You can't expect your children to live their lives according to what you'd want."

Of course I can't. Doesn't mean it wouldn't bother me, though!

Farmageddon · 23/07/2023 14:45

Meh, I'd let it run it's course, maybe she is a good influence on him. Although I'm 38 an feel a bit ick about the thoughts of dating a 25 year old bloke. But technically he's an adult, and it's not like he's 18 or anything.

Does she have/ want kids? The only thing I would worry about is if she got pregnant, possibly he's not ready for a child yet...

Butchyrestingface · 23/07/2023 14:46

I'm very happy with my son having a lovely lady who is 12 yo older but other people are worried.

Have they said what they're concerned about?

Is your son immature? Does she have 14 kids by a bloke who's in jail for extortion with menaces?

If you've met her and he's happy and there are no 🚩🚩🚩 going off for you, I'd trust your own judgement for now (and theirs).

Babsexxx · 23/07/2023 14:48

I wouldn’t have a issue with the age gap at all! But I have found that it unfortunately often doesn’t work out when the ladies older long term. Great if it does but from what I’ve personally seen it doesn’t tend to as men can be more immature which grates on women after a while…..

BarelyLiterate · 23/07/2023 14:50

Does she have children? If not, your son needs to be fully aware that many childless women of that age are desperate to have babies and that unless he actually wants to become a father he must always take responsibility for contraception himself. He would be very naive & unwise to leave it to her, or to believe anything she tells him about the subject.

UsingChangeofName · 23/07/2023 14:52

I think, by 25, it really is up to them.

If he were 18 and she 30, that would be different.
I think it is more about 'stages of life' for me, too. If she has 3 dc and he is still footloose and fancy free, then that is a far bigger difference than age.

Cucucucu · 23/07/2023 15:00

Any large age gaps come with issues so yes it works worry me but I wouldn’t dream of thinking it was my place to question it .

SummerDawn2000 · 23/07/2023 15:03

That’s not too big of an age gap. Keep at arms length but with AG relationships you genuinely have to be on the same page.

be open to your son if he wants to talk but also be open to her. Love is love.

im in an age gap relationship. I’m 29 and he is 53. It’s worked so far but I’m just enjoying myself :)

HeadNorth · 23/07/2023 15:06

I wouldn’t like it and I wouldn’t like it if the sexes were reversed. 12 years is too big an age gap, I think. However, I know that I would have to keep my mouth shut & let them get on with it.

limitedperiodonly · 23/07/2023 15:08

Like you said, it's not anything to do with you.

Your son is 25 which at 59, I see as young but then I think I'm young. I am young compared to my mum who would have just turned 100 if she hadn't died 10 years ago.

His girlfriend is 37 which unlike me, is not (legally) old enough to be his mum. I looked fanciable at 37 and I still haven't abandoned hope in my advance to decrepitude. But probably not for 25-year-olds mainly because I wouldn't be interested in them and don't look like Liz Hurley. Actually, I suspect Liz Hurley is bored off her tits by boyfriends young enough to be her son.

Are people worried she might not be able or willing to give him children? That's the same deal if he was gay unless he wanted to rent a womb. I don't think it's worth worrying about. I'm sure he'll sort it out for himself what with being 25 and a grown man.

CurlewKate · 23/07/2023 15:10

@Lemieux7 "But so what? A 25 year old is easily old enough to make their own decisions."

Yes, I know. I was asked whether it would bother me. And it would.

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