son with older woman

[maratara]

I'm very happy with my son having a lovely lady who is 12 yo older but other people are worried. He is 25 and she is 37.
Would that bother you?
He had a terrible gf before so I am very happy.
Obviously not my business - was just looking for thoughts

Whatever you say 😂

Why doesn't it make sense? It makes perfect sense. It just depends what you are looking for. If you just want the baby without the hassle of a dad hanging around, a 25 year old isn't likely to get in your way and try for joint parental care. They are also more gullible and likely to believe you when you say it's fine, you are on the pill, let's have unprotected sex.

Many years ago a housemate admitted to going round the world aged 34 with a 17 year old. I was only 19 at the time but it creeps me out now.

Age 25 it isn't so bad. Each to their own.

Age 25 is a grown man, and has been for some years.
I'm so tired of this infantalisation of adults because of one poorly understood neurological study.

Ageism and misogyny. What do you do for an encore?

Yes, it probably would bother me. At those ages there is most likely different priorities, both are at very different stages career and life wise. Considering things like a family, a mortgage, etc I would assume that both are at very different stages, both financially and emotionally. I wouldn't judge, would be respectful of their choices, but would assume it to be casual

A 25 year old is a fully grown adult, my parents generation were married by the time they were 25, some even had children. My grandparents generation had fought in WWII. I know 25 year olds who have bought they're own house and earn 6 figures. This notion that a 25 year old is immature and still a child is completely ridiculous.

I wouldn't date a 25 year old as I'm old enough to be their mother and not a teenage one either. But as an example my boss is 34 and I have masses in common with him, the 11 years doesn't seem huge at all.

Oh I can compare it the other way round.

Older man/younger woman.

In that case, the gullibility is again an attractive quality - overlooking his flaws and weak character, more malleable.

People on mumsnet are happier with misandry though.

As for the older woman, younger man, you could read the car crash interview with Liz and Nirpal in the Daily Mail. Age 41 (her) and 26 (him) when they met and later married.

He's written about their relationship as he has aged and his perspective changed .... "He has written a flurry of articles about me, which morphed from, in 2019, ‘Why I only date older women’ (‘I loved being the plaything of older women . . . [with] extraordinary bodies . . . My ex-wife and I fell in love while staying at GoldenEye, Ian Fleming’s Caribbean estate’) to, in 2021, ‘No one thought to question her shabby flaunting of a brown and virile toyboy’ and ‘the intentions of older women towards their young prey are often toxic’. A staggering volte-face. "

Ouch

@ArcticSkewer Theyre both terrible human beings though, him in particular, I think the odds are good the OPs son is far nicer than that hideous man.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/family/relationships/toxic-truth-age-gap-relationship-older-women-escape-moral/

That's his full perspective. He doesn't sound too happy about it with the perspective that age brings.

I do think we let women off the hook on this far more easily than men with a similar age gap these days.

But personally I'd still be concerned about my son's chances of becoming a sperm donor to a woman whose biological clock was ticking.

I wouldn't be bothered about it necessarily... I might feel a bit worried they would be at different life stages and it could prevent the younger partner from living their life the way they wanted. However that can be true when people are the same age in a relationship too...
There's a 16 year difference between me and my husband and we met when I was 22... we've been married ten years now and have 3 kids. We were at the same life stage despite the age difference and always had loads in common.
However he had a previous relationship with a much older woman (22 years older!) in his late teens, which I think really damaged him and he looks back on as exploitative.. so it depends on the people

God, that sounds awful. It sounds like she’s been unlucky with her health but a full time carer for your much-older wife at 48, sounds grim. Not much of a life for either of them.

No, there's the same age gap between me & my partner. I just turned 21 when we first got together. I'll be 30 next year. It's the only decent relationship I've ever been in (previous ones a complete disaster) we are happily living together, expecting our third child in the next couple of days and been engaged for 6 years (got pregnant so had to put our wedding plans on hold). He absolutely worships the ground I walk on, same goes for me to be honest. I've never been happier.

If my DS (20) started dating a 32yo I’d be slightly bothered…

1. I’d be wondering what a slightly maturer woman saw in a 20yo, currently unemployed ‘man-child’ (😂)

2. I’ve just turned 39 haha and I feel like she’d be a bit too close in age to me and it might be a bit weird!

But on the whole, I’d get over it - 12 years isn’t that big of an age gap and it’s none of my business - even less so at 25/37.

I feel like all the comments about does she have kids and does she want kids etc are hang out of order mind - especially coming from other women.

It seems very much the case and comes across that some women only support other women unless their precious (adult) baby boys are potentially involved and then the woman is as wicked and scheming as they come 🤣

Bang*

FFS, such misogyny on this thread. Not all women want kids you know, and most who do, don’t go around trying to trick men into unprotected sex 🙄

Nope. Still a load of old bollocks.

I'm 33 and the thought of dating a 25yo makes me feel sick. I can't imagine what I'd have in common with them.

However if it were my son I'd support him as best I could since he's an adult.

Illness can happen at any age, just look at Rob Burrows, he's 40 and his wife has to care for him. Doddle Weir was 50 when he died, his wife had to care for him for years. Just watch any DIY SOS to see the amount of same age couples who are caring for ill partners.

Why is it grim to look after a much older wife than a husband the same age?

My brother met his DW when he was 23 and she was 35. At first it raised a few eyebrows, but they've now been together 16 years, married 11.

Just let your son choose his path. If it turns out well, great. If not, that's life and he will move on.

@ArcticSkewer plenty of women on this thread have talked about their long and happy relationships with younger partners (myself included). Our experiences are just as valid as the one you posted. Note also that none of us got together with our OHs because of our 'biological clock ticking'. DH and I never had children together.

Relationships end all the time for all sorts of reasons. Some age gap relationships end because those in them start to have different priorities, age related or not. If DH and I ever broke up it wouldn't be because I'm 12 years older than him - our ages are as irrelevant to our relationship as the colour of our eyes or our favourite foods.

You really don't like women much, do you?

Absolutely. I have health issues but they're not age related (I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease in my early 30s). I'm not so ill that DH is my carer but he does on occasion have to do a bit more, for example he does most of the housework. But that's what marriage is - in sickness and in health.

You can become ill at any age.

I'm 33 and the thought of dating a 25yo makes me feel sick. I can't imagine what I'd have in common with them.

What's all the fuss about having things "in common"? You either want to do something together, or you don't. Dating only within your social circle, like school or work or neighbourhood seems bleak.

I was 7 years older than ex, I was living with him by the time he was 19. 33 and 25 are not that different. Not sure why it makes you feel sick but there you go.