Husband wants separate accomodation on holiday with my sisters family

[Luna02]

We’ve agreed to go on holiday with my sister, we’re just about to book the accommodation. We’ve chosen a big house for everyone to stay in. Now my husband says it’s too much to stay with them, too many kids. He wants us to get separate accommodation and just meet up with them whenever.

I understand his reasons, the kids are very wild when together and ours are calm when on their own. My sisters kids are very wild from first thing in the morning until they fall asleep (very late). Not sure how to bring this up to my sister. Husband says he won’t come if we’re staying with them.

AIBU to suggest to sister we get separate accommodations?

Your husband is a very sensible individual.

Your dh is a very wise man.

Separate accommodation on the same site is the only way I'd consider going on holiday with any other family.

We did this for several years with my sibling and family. 2 cottages in the same conversion on a farm for example. Some nights, one of the dc would have a 'sleepover' at the other cottage. Occasionally one of the adults, or one of the couples would do something without the dc. The dc played better and loved being with their cousins, BUT everyone needed their own space to retreat to at one time or another, over the week, each year.

I'm with your DH. Its a holiday! He clearly wants to relax and have down time too!

Regardless of the kids, I wouldn't be able to relax in the evenings, take my bra off, put nightie on etc if my BIL was there! I'd absolutely want separate space too!

Don’t let her guilt trip you (can’t afford to go unless we share) OP.

Start looking around quickly for a villa complex near where she wants to go

Also agree wifh husband but can see sisters pov, all chipping in can get more nicer place.

It's very easy these days to get villas,cottages or whatever owned by the same person next to each other..why don't you do a search

Oof, not surprised he doesn't want to share with 'very wild' kids on holiday!

Just say to your sister you want your own space, and you can all meet up for days out.

I agree with your husband.

It's fair enough that he doesn't want to share accommodation on holiday, but it would have been good for everyone to know before looking at holidays.

I’ve done this trip many times with many different family combinations . Separate places near one another makes for a makes for a better holiday for everyone, every time.

sorry your sister doesn’t see that

People on TV do this kind of shared villa holiday all the time. It works perfectly for them, and the children always behave impeccably too.
Think RL would be a bit different .

I hope you / your sister manage to find alternatives that suit. Just say ‘sorry, DH thinks we need to be able to choose when to let our kids wind each other up and gang up on us, and in truth I think he has a point!’

Isn't this a conversation you should have had ages ago, not just before you book?

We used to have great communal holidays, it all depends. It works for some, not for others, works better for some ages than others. All valid. But it would have been better had your DH said so earlier in the planning process.

I take his point and if he won’t go any other way one of you has to explain this to your sister.

100% with your husband. Your sister’s heart is set on the villa because she was counting on your and your husband paying for part of it. I’d say no. You have to have some time away from them while on vacation. It will drive you all nuts.

Oh that's a shame. Some of my very best memories are of holidays I shared with my cousins.

I get that your husband wants to just relax but I think it's nice sometimes to consider if from the children's point of view.

We often went on holiday with my brother and his family when mine were growing up. The cousins are still close now and often chat with much hilarity about some of the antics they got up to (that we had no idea about at the time!)

My adult children now go on holiday together and me and their dad mostly get invited along 😂

I think you're overthinking it. Tell your sister you're booking seperate accomodation (but nearby or with shared grounds as others have suggested,) if she asks why, just be honest- it suits you better to have your own space. No big deal.

Oh sorry I just saw you updated.

She’ll come I am sure, she’s just having an (understandably human) mini sulk.

Given your husband pulled this at the last minute, could your husband have a helpful hunt some two house options that you can send her. A bit of an olive branch would be a good move.

So they are using you? Probably want you to look after their children too.

I'm with your husband all the way! It sounds like it would be an absolute nightmare.

Years ago we went on holiday with friends - they had 4 DCs to our 1. Our 1 needed space to get away if overwhelmed as he wasn't used to so many children constantly. 1st year we hired 2 villas next door to each other with their own pools. We had a car each so could do our own thing if needed. In reality we spent most of the week together but the options were there. 2nd year we hired a huge villa which had been designed for 2 families and was like 2 semis with an opening internal door. We shared a pool and ended up just using one kitchen but we each had bedrooms and bathrooms at the far end of the house from each other. Worked well for us.

How long ago did you agree to go and start looking at the accommodation?
Sounds like your dh has left it very late to pull this.

Fwiw I've had lovely communal holidays with various friends and relatives and their kids - there does have to be some give and take but can work really well particularly for the kids.

Perhaps it’ll make her think about how wild her kids are that people don’t want to be in the one villa

you’d be CRAZY to contemplate sharing with them.