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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants separate accomodation on holiday with my sisters family

157 replies

Luna02 · 23/07/2023 13:34

We’ve agreed to go on holiday with my sister, we’re just about to book the accommodation. We’ve chosen a big house for everyone to stay in. Now my husband says it’s too much to stay with them, too many kids. He wants us to get separate accommodation and just meet up with them whenever.

I understand his reasons, the kids are very wild when together and ours are calm when on their own. My sisters kids are very wild from first thing in the morning until they fall asleep (very late). Not sure how to bring this up to my sister. Husband says he won’t come if we’re staying with them.

AIBU to suggest to sister we get separate accommodations?

OP posts:
Thehop · 23/07/2023 13:35

Much better all round to go seperate if the kids are so different

"this looks nice. Worried about kids different routines though, we were thinking smaller villas near each other so mine can go to bed and we can have an odd chill day?"

SecretVictoria · 23/07/2023 13:35

I’m with your H. That type of holiday would
be my worst nightmare.

ticketstickets · 23/07/2023 13:37

look for the type of place with shared grounds but seperate houses/apartments. Much more enjoyable for everyone.

Conkersinautumn · 23/07/2023 13:38

I'm due to go on holiday and we have booked a place bigger than we need for a couple of reasons. We have been offering out two rooms to various people and I realise noone wants to share space anymore. Why have to be in 'public mode' when on holiday. So I'm looking forward to having more room all round now.

lap90 · 23/07/2023 13:38

Good on your husband. YANBU.

Comedycook · 23/07/2023 13:40

Its a good idea but yeah you will have to dress the idea up to your sister so it doesn't look like a snub.

YabbaDabbaDooooo · 23/07/2023 13:40

YABU to 'suggest' it because that make it look as though you're open to persuasion.

Just tell her that like many couples/families you need your own space.

It's a completely normal thing for many people and even your kids will benefit.

Changingplace · 23/07/2023 13:43

Better to bring it up now than let it be booked and your DH be miserable, it’s his holiday too.

Who has been researching accomplishing options up to this point? I would find an alternative and then bring it up.

BronwenFrideswide · 23/07/2023 13:44

One big house would be a nightmare not only for the reasons your husband has outlined:

Not all bedrooms the same size, who gets which room? Recipe for friction and resentment from the off.

Sharing the kitchen, again will be a disaster

Shared main areas, another battle zone.

Far better to have two smaller separate houses where you can have space and privacy when you need to whilst being together when you want to.

Just say it would work better for you and your family to have your own space.

itsallnewnow · 23/07/2023 13:45

Do your research first to find a place so you're not dumping the burden on them then a nice beeezy but firm message.

'Hey Dsis, having looked at the places available we realised we're going to be a bit on top of each other sharing bathrooms and kitchen etc so we've had a look and found these options with separate living but shared grounds or whatever, keen to make it as bit a success as possible so we can repeat in the future. Your share would be £££'

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/07/2023 13:46

Your husband is right.

iamenougheveryday · 23/07/2023 13:48

Your husband is correct. Definitely get separate accommodation.

luckylavender · 23/07/2023 13:49

I'm with your husband. Sounds hellish

Thelnebriati · 23/07/2023 13:49

It shouldn't be a big deal to say this to your sister. Do you think she will react badly?

LlynTegid · 23/07/2023 13:51

Better now than after you have booked, just think of a tactful way to phrase it.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 23/07/2023 13:52

Your husband is very sensible.

Definitely get separate accomodation.

grayhairdontcare · 23/07/2023 13:53

Find a couple of cottages next door to each other.
Suggest alternate nights for dinner.
Maybe suggest a child free night for each couple?

Maree1986 · 23/07/2023 14:11

Husband is entitled to feel that way and if you can afford it, you should do as he asks really.
How do you feel about ut? Are you set on staying with them? Are you worried it will offend her?

HappiestSleeping · 23/07/2023 14:14

SecretVictoria · 23/07/2023 13:35

I’m with your H. That type of holiday would
be my worst nightmare.

This 👆

Original poster
Luna02 · 23/07/2023 14:14

I’ve said to my sister now, she’s said she’s going to have a think about weather she’ll go. Her heart is set on this villa, but I don’t think they want to spend the money on that villa on their own.

OP posts:
purpleros · 23/07/2023 14:19

Im with your husband. Your sister is probably worried about the cost as it's cheaper to get a larger villa and split cost in two than rent two separate villas. I wouldn't ever do
a shared living space holiday with anyone under any circumstances but especially under the ones you describe. You'll feel obliged to help with their
kids when they're playing up, which isn't fun for a whole week or two.

justaweeone · 23/07/2023 14:29

Don't blame your husband, I'd go for 2 smaller villas next to each other. Where was the villa that you planned to use?

Codlingmoths · 23/07/2023 14:38

so you are mainly invited along to enable her choice of villa? Good call on planning separate accommodation! If that means she doesn’t want to go, that tells you everything you need.

Maree1986 · 23/07/2023 14:53

Oh god, sounds like a headache before it's even started. Just go without her.

2bazookas · 23/07/2023 14:54

Two houses. If Sis asks why, tell her the reason.