Husband wants separate accomodation on holiday with my sisters family

[Luna02]

We’ve agreed to go on holiday with my sister, we’re just about to book the accommodation. We’ve chosen a big house for everyone to stay in. Now my husband says it’s too much to stay with them, too many kids. He wants us to get separate accommodation and just meet up with them whenever.

I understand his reasons, the kids are very wild when together and ours are calm when on their own. My sisters kids are very wild from first thing in the morning until they fall asleep (very late). Not sure how to bring this up to my sister. Husband says he won’t come if we’re staying with them.

AIBU to suggest to sister we get separate accommodations?

You will thank your DH later. Trust me

I’m with your dh and wonder whether your sister is after a) subsidising of the large villa and b) some entertainment/occupation for her wild children - using either you/your h or dc.

I wouldn’t find that to be a holiday - more an endurance test. Like a pp said, a holiday is not public mode.

Ughhh. With kids like that I'd be arranging separate flights never mind separate accommodation.

I think people are being unnecessarily mean to OPs Dsis.

Extended families and friends share villas all the time - otherwise why would 6+ bedroom places exist for hire. The main attraction- having done it myself - is that the DCs play together and the adults get to spend some time together and can swap babysitting.

Of course it's not for everyone, but it's not some weird aberration that's never happened before.

Cost would be my only issue can you both afford separate places?

Team Husband here. Why should he waste money and annual leave to be round a bunch of screaming feral kids?

We go away with family regularly. A villa with a pool... cousins have an absolute blast and we eat good food and drink wine. I love it.

I'm with your DH

Just came back from five nights with IL's

It's always cheaper to rent a big villa and divide the cost up but horrendous if not everyone gets on well. I've gone on holiday with 2 different sets of friends the first relationship never really recovered ( we both had children) and the second time just 2 couples, no arguments or bad feelings just didn't work and spoilt the friendship.

There are two sets of kids in my family (not mine, one set belongs to my nephew and the other to his sister), who are perfectly tolerable on their own, but when combined they are absolute dementors. Normally our families are close and do lots together, but nobody will allow both sets of children into their houses at the same time, it just isn't safe!

Since you know how the kids are together, it would be madness to have them in the same villa for the entire holiday. There would be a huge fall-out anyway, so you wouldn't even be doing anything towards maintaining family harmony if you went along with it.

If you can find a place on the same site but with separate accommodation eg little cottages for each family I honestly think the holiday goes better.

Your husband has got a brilliant point….

I prefer the type of house you can get when sharing, huge living area etc, and its dead simple to socialise together in the evening without worrying about the kids. You can go to your room for alone time.

I can see why your DH wants this but tbh if I was DSis I'd now not go. Not because of taking offence and not so much because of the cost of the holidays, just because it's actually a totally different holiday to a joint one. You'll need to be in your own villas (at least some adults) come kids bedtime so no sitting on the balcony having a late meal and a glass of wine/ chat/ card games together. I'd not want the worst of having to co-ordinate with others without the best (the evening time fun). Each to their own and it's clearly something which works for some people but I'd go off and do my own thing if I were her now. But as I said, if it's not an actually enjoyable holiday for your DH then there's no point in going on it.

Although I agree with your DH on this, I’m interested to know if he’s a bit of a grump generally anyway.

I would feel the same way as your DH, but I think after the basic concept of a joint holiday has already been agreed and just before the accommodation's booked is a fine bloody time to be saying so, and if I were your sister I'd be pretty pissed off.

Agree with your dh.

Why didn't your husband say this when the idea of a shared holiday was first mooted?

My experience with this kind of thing is that it's the people with the wild kids that always cause the problems. They are very sensitive about their children being asked to do anything perfectly reasonable and they kick off if there are any fallings out between the kids. For that reason I'm also team husband and also her reaction sends warning signals. Is she a bit spoilt generally (spoilt people often have spoilt children ime).

Perhaps look for a gite type of smaller units where you can share the pool and site, but have more defined family space so you can each follow comfortable routines that suit your own family. A place that has converted old barns into accommodation around a pool for example. South Brittany is quite good for such places and it is full of fun things to do, and the weather is usually good without being extreme. We went near Armor Plage twice. It has lovely safe beaches. Lorient has several interesting museums, (The French East India Company Museum is spectacular), there's prehistory at Carnac, kites on the beach and sand yachting, and enough bucket and spade/sandcastling to please most under 12s. The pizzas were delicious and reasonable for the nights you can't face cooking.

And don't miss the submarine pens in Lorient. South Brittany is a brilliant place to go on holiday in my experience. The markets and food are excellent, and a quick crepe is a fast way to silence the "I'm hungry" wail fairly cheaply and quite healthily.

Some of my best childhood memories are staying in a big house with the other kids.

And Vannes is a beautiful small city, with nice shops if mummy fancies a half hour solo.

Separate accommodation and flights will ensure that your relationship with your sister survives the summer. You need to think long term to maintain the relationship.

If the idea is to go away on holiday together, then separate accommodation is not being "together", so I can see why your sister is having a rethink. It is a shame because it does sound like the kids would have a blast staying with their cousins, but your husband's comfort is more important I guess.