Everyone loves her-how do you become like this?

[Backinthesummerof1995]

One of the school mums/women in my area is so loved by everyone, super popular but in that nice way as in, people just adore her. She’s v confident and quite loud, but also great fun and a genuinely nice person.
I know lots of people with a great bunch of friends, but almost literally everyone loves her and she has friends in every set of people. I’ve not seen this to this extent before. They write things on her sm (birthday etc) about her being a truly beautiful person inside and out.
How do you become a person like this?

I know a couple like this. Met them 30 years ago and they are still great friends. They recently moved to a completely new area and already have a big group of new friends. They are kind, fun people. Always good listeners but equally are interesting people. They love to travel, go to festivals, gigs, theatre, etc and are keep up with what’s going on in the world. Everyone they seem to meet loves them. They put the effort in with new people though. Going to things when perhaps they would rather relax on the sofa. They both have charisma. Seeing them soon and can’t wait!

@Blossomtoes are you my sister.

My mum was like this. After she died I got a letter from a distant cousin reminiscing of times she had spent with my Granny, who died when I was 6. She described her exactly like this and I realised this was my Mum too. She was just the most amazing person I knew.

Could be the “halo effect”

where x amount of people like the person and it shows, then other people like them as they have the pre conceived idea that everyone likes them

I think it has a lot to do with being a smiley person - I have a Smiley person friend who everyone loves and I noticed she would also tell her kids to smile at people before they left the house.
sometimes I think having bright blue eyes helps. I mean how angry or grumpy can you really look with bright blue eyes?

I’m known for being smiley and friendly, putting people at ease and a generous and selfless friend. It’s born out of chronic people pleasing, major anxiety about what other people think of me and I’d say was probably nurtured in me as a trait as a kid so then became an ingrained part of my identity. Means at times I would put a relative stranger/acquaintance’s comfort before my own (and at times my spouse/childrens) Sometimes I’m not sure where the ‘real’ me starts and my bubbly warm persona ends 🤷‍♀️

Totally this..

Ha me too 🤦🏼‍♀️

One of my daughters is like this. She is very pro active & puts herself out to help
others. She is amazingly fit & has a lot of energy. Never appears too tired.
She has five children & is very sociable often entertaining 20 people for lunch.

I bet she is just happy in her own skin and it shows

I agree with the fact that they seem to be cheerful and charismatic people and remember small details about everyone.

At the same time though, they do seem to have a knack of being absolutely EVERYWHERE you go! Everywhere you look this person is there. When you walk down the street that same person is stood on the street talking to someone, when you go out shopping they are there again stood outside a shop talking to people. When you get on a bus they are there again… talking to someone. When you do the school run again they are there and surrounded by a group of other mums and always seem to be the one talking while everyone else listens! I’ve noticed this with a lot of these type of people- that they seem to be all over the place, everywhere you look! Literally everyone knows them and they know everyone! So whilst I am sure they are lovely and charismatic people etc, it does get a bit annoying when you see this same person literally everywhere you go lol.

I have someone close to me who is like this. She is genuinely lovely but it is almost a skill and a lifestyle choice. You need to be an extrovert and the type who accepts every invite with pleasure. It helps to be thoughtful and genuinely nice - with quite a high degree of empathy. In the case of the person I know, they have been like this since they were quite young. She maintains all her major groups of friends - school, university, previous jobs, etc.

She is also extremely tactical. I don’t mean this in a nasty way but there’s a lot of checks and balancing, and making sure to spend time with particular people on a regular basis even if inconvenient, in order to maintain the relationship. Prioritising certain relationships above others, eg friends over family (as the latter are always there for you). It looks effortless but maintaining that many relationships takes work.

I think its got to be more that being a genuinely lovely person, because some genuine lovely people don't have friends or get treated poorly by 'friends'. Like my SIL, she's such a lovely person and good company but I find people take advantage of her good nature. She'll stick up for herself if backed into a corner so it's not that, it's people see her kindness as a weakness and I'm not sure why.

I don't know that I've ever met anyone like that, sounds exhausting though.

That really does sound exhausting! As I said in my post above, a person like this seems to be literally everywhere you look. When you walk down the street they are there talking to people, talking to people outside shops, in the school playground and always surrounded by a group of people and at local community events and always talking to someone. They know everyone and everyone knows them! It would send me dizzy, I just couldn’t keep up with the social side of it all. It send me dizzy just seeing them out and about everywhere I go.

Not only that, they always seem to have these wonderful holidays abroad and are always going on weekends away with friends etc. I just don’t know where they find time to fit everything in!

Agree with this. I've known beautifully kind, wonderful people but who just don't have that 'charismatic factor ' and are open to having their good nature abused and even attacked for being " too nice " and therefore, deemed fake. So it's not just about being a kind soul. It's something much more subliminal.

I know someone like this, wouldn't be surprised if it's the same person

I've known 2 people like this and I agree with some pp.
one of them was male and one female. They're both attractive but not exceptionally. They both have qualities that are generally admired in society - hard working, calm, sociable, kind, thoughtful, fit and healthy.

if anyone said they didn't like these people, then I would think that those people had some issues themselves.

I don't even bother to aspire to be like that because I could never be that thoughtful and don't have the energy to be as sociable and fit. (Although that might be a vicious circle)

I know someone like this although she wasn’t always this way but a change into nursing helped and now seems to gather friends up everywhere she goes!! The trouble is she is slowly dropping all her original friends bit by bit (me being one)! As we are not in the right circles these days.

there are genuinely lovely people out there but perfect is not possible and there is always going to be something going on with them.

Late to this thread but my sister is like this. I think it’s because she’s light hearted, genuinely loves people and is interested in them (asks questions) and is a good laugh.

Y would anyone want to be like this? It sounds like hard work.

I know of a few of them so might not be the same person but I find those very same people literally are everywhere I go! It’s as if they have their hands in a bit of everything! I’m sure they are lovely people but it does get slightly irritating when you see the same faces over and over again everywhere you go and they are always surrounded by a different group of people in every setting. I find they’re always the ones who are at community and school events, setting up a stall or maybe a parent governor or something too. Not that there is anything wrong with that, just these same people seem to be everywhere and involved in everything.

My bestie is like this. People are captivated by her. We've been best friends since toddler days and now as middle aged women I still sometimes encounter a jealous competitive thing from other women of wishing I would f off so they could be her best friend.

My theory is that she always makes everyone feel special in any interaction. She really tunes in to what they are saying and connects. She's also very very secure in herself, extremely giving & generous, clever and hilariously funny. Ironically she doesn't care what other people think of her. In short, she's amazing.

There is of course the public private persona thing going on. What people don't know is that she is incredibly boundaried and while people open up to her she doesn't reciprocate easily. She can be very detached and get bored of people easily. I know not to take it personally but I've seen people very hurt when they are 'dismissed' from favour.

Confidence, humour and going the extra mile for people