I have accidentally become this.
I was almost mute as a child, plagued with crippling anxiety. My childhood was a mixture of abandonment, neglect, poverty, and occasional abuse.
My self esteem was in the negative. I didn’t take good care of myself, I didn’t know how to, I didn’t think I had enough value to bother. Sometimes I weep when I recall the pain and loneliness I experienced for years on end.
I’m probably neurodivergent in some way.
Overtime, I slowly schooled myself through self help books, and people facing jobs that forced me out of myself. I approached learning to communicate with people like a life long school project. Then it became habit and I never stopped.
I have learned:
Be scrupulously clean, presentable, and smell great.
Smile.
Think of others first.
I’ve diligent learned manners and etiquette and observe them till they became natural.
I approach people wondering what exciting things they might tell me or I might learn from them.
I don’t sweat the small stuff.
I like making people happy and making them laugh.
I’m comfortable in who I am and also comfortable for people to take me or leave me as I am.
I have a palpable sense of excitement inside me a lot of the time, which is sometimes mistaken for sexual energy.
I only wanted not to be so mute and anxious, and to learn to become comfortable committing and being understood so I can get through the practicalities of life in order to survive.
It seems though, after 30 plus years of consistent daily hours of study and practice… I’ve accidentally become “popular” and “confident”.
I’m still baffled to be described as such. People assume I was born this way.
My mental image of myself is still as that quiet forgotten child sitting in the corner by herself.
Yes, you can definitely become something like this. It’s not easy, it took a lifetime for me, and you still feel like the child you inside sometimes. I need lots of alone time, I got used to the solitude and the silence.
It is genuine, not fake, but I consciously learned it, and it has improved my life immeasurably, I never would have believed I could come this far. My old school teachers and peers would be in disbelief!