dp told me he’ll be an hour, it’s been 7

aibuow · 2023-07-22T22:05:12+00:00

My partner told me he’s going for a few pints with a mate after work and that he’ll only be about an hour. I texted him earlier and he told me was still at work but leaving soon to meet his friend at the pub, I caught him lying and basically he had already left work and was already at the pub. The reason he lied was because he wanted longer at the pub so wanted to say he was still at work, if that makes any sense? I got super mad at him for lying, because that’s not what we do. I told him I don’t mind how long he is just don’t lie to me. We sorted it, it’s fine. Then we plan to get a takeaway and he promises to bring it home to me. At this point it’s 8pm he’s been out since 4 I’m super agitated but didn’t want to express it because he can do what he wants. He then rings me to tell me the absolute latest he’ll be home is 10pm it’s now 11. He’s been out 7 hours after promising he’ll only be an hour and bring us dinner. I would like to add I’m 37 weeks pregnant. I got really angry and rung him basically told him to fuck off and to go to his own house. (We have our own houses but do be with each other in either house every night) I’ve ordered myself dinner as he can do one. Id like to add he never does this, and rarely goes out he’s been so good to me throughout my pregnancy and likes to stay with me. AIBU?

GabriellaMontez · 22/07/2023 23:10

Yanbu.
As they say " when someone tells you who they are, believe them".

It's fine for your partner to be out.

It's not OK for him to lie about when he'll be back. Talk to him tomorrow. Does he agree, you should have a rough idea when he'll be back? Or not...

Is this a one off? Or part of a pattern?

Cocoalover · 22/07/2023 23:11

No, you're not being unreasonable. I wouldn't tolerate that behaviour either. Fair enough going out for a couple of hours. He is allowed a social life, but 7 hours? When he said he'd be a few hours and bring food back for his heavily pregnant partner... that's utterly disrespectful. I would be livid personally

Arrgghhdecisions · 22/07/2023 23:14

Nah. I'd be fuming. If I wasn't pregnant and it was a rare one off, I could maybe turn a blind eye (although leaving me hungry awaiting dinner at home has almost ended in divorce here a couple of times).

But being 37 weeks pregnant and at home, it's just utterly irresponsible and thoughtless.

Is this your first child with him?

MammaEvz3 · 22/07/2023 23:35

Oh wow. I thought this was pretty shitty and then I got to the bit where you said you're 37 weeks pregnant and he was supposed to be bringing you food. What a knob!

ReachForTheMars · 22/07/2023 23:39

Not normally like this bit as soon as you're pregnant and trapped he gets lax...nice.

My partner would never prioritise staying at the pub to get pissed up over being a reliable husband and bringing home the meal he promised.

Expect to be let down more in the future.

Why dont you live together?

surlycurly · 22/07/2023 23:45

Sounds like the sort of shit my ex DH would do. He'd tell stupid lies and keep me waiting about, rather than just go out and enjoy himself. Even when I was pregnant. Once brought me a pizza four hours later than planned, that he'd carried on its edge so all the toppings had slid off. I should have binned him then for that alone. Took me another ten years. See what's ahead of you op.

Topee · 22/07/2023 23:47

My husband wouldn’t have needed to have been told not to come home- he would have been to scared to if he’d left me hungry at 37 weeks pregnant.

dearJayne · 22/07/2023 23:48

Bet he phones you apologising and then asks for a lift home because you can't drink.

My ex was like that too. Note that he's an ex.

Mumtothreegirlies · 23/07/2023 00:18

doesnt bode well that you don’t live together but are expecting a baby. Maybe he wanted one last night out before he can’t because of the stage of your pregnancy. All I can say is if you don’t come down hard on this he’ll do it again and again and before you know it you’ll be bitter and resentful home alone every weekend.

StellaJohanna · 23/07/2023 00:23

Mumtothreegirlies · 23/07/2023 00:18

doesnt bode well that you don’t live together but are expecting a baby. Maybe he wanted one last night out before he can’t because of the stage of your pregnancy. All I can say is if you don’t come down hard on this he’ll do it again and again and before you know it you’ll be bitter and resentful home alone every weekend.

It's good that they don't live together - OP has her own home and independence. She doesn't have to have a man there all the time and put up with him rolling in pissed or lolling around being annoying. She can just send him to his own home - Sounds like a good arrangement.

Mumtothreegirlies · 23/07/2023 00:28

StellaJohanna · 23/07/2023 00:23

It's good that they don't live together - OP has her own home and independence. She doesn't have to have a man there all the time and put up with him rolling in pissed or lolling around being annoying. She can just send him to his own home - Sounds like a good arrangement.

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What I meant was, if he was serious about being committed and being there for the baby he would want to live with her and the baby like normal families do. The fact he’s still living apart is a clear signal he’s not committed.

TomatoSandwiches · 23/07/2023 00:29

Well, at least you have your own home so you don't have to kick him out or move.
I wouldn't stand for the lying, he thinks he can do this because he's got you pregnant and stuck, another disappointment of a partner.

BingoBastards · 23/07/2023 00:32

No not BU, he's been a complete twunt tonight.

FOJN · 23/07/2023 00:32

Keep an eye on how he frames the situation when you discuss it.

It's obvious that him going out is not the issue. If he said he was going to the pub after work and not to wait up then you would know where you were but he didn't. He lied about still being at work. He told you he would be an hour. He said he would be home by 8 and bring dinner. He still wasn't home at 11pm.

If he tries to make out you are controlling rather than apologising for being a complete dick then you can be sure there is trouble ahead.

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 23/07/2023 00:45

FOJN · 23/07/2023 00:32

Keep an eye on how he frames the situation when you discuss it.

It's obvious that him going out is not the issue. If he said he was going to the pub after work and not to wait up then you would know where you were but he didn't. He lied about still being at work. He told you he would be an hour. He said he would be home by 8 and bring dinner. He still wasn't home at 11pm.

If he tries to make out you are controlling rather than apologising for being a complete dick then you can be sure there is trouble ahead.

This totally.

very wise words @aibuow , please take notice!

StellaJohanna · 23/07/2023 00:47

Mumtothreegirlies · 23/07/2023 00:28

What I meant was, if he was serious about being committed and being there for the baby he would want to live with her and the baby like normal families do. The fact he’s still living apart is a clear signal he’s not committed.

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That's true!

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/07/2023 01:01

StellaJohanna · 23/07/2023 00:47

That's true!

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Not true at all.

DP and I have been together 4 years and are totally committed. If it came down to it, it would be me saying "No" to us living together but we both agree that while we adore each other, out living arrangements as they are suit us. I cant stand the fact that he has the TV on all the time and can just sit watching any old shite. He cannot stand the fact that I love silence and will read or (at best) listen to audio books and radio plays while I knit or do lego. He is an extrovert who recharges by being with people and gets down if he is alone, I am an introvert who recharges by being alone and get overwhelmed if I spend too long in a loud social situation. We manage this by spending our evenings split between our own time and then 50/50 with each other. That wouldnt be any different if we had a child together.

In fact when we have spent longer than a week together we are both antsy to get back to our own spaces and routines. If it works for them who the hell are you to say that it shows a lack of commitment? I have seen many people "end up" living together through circumstances because its easier than actually deciding to, which I would argue shows less commitment than having a conversation and making an agreement about what works for their relationship best rather than following societal norms.

Deathbyfluffy · 23/07/2023 01:06

StellaJohanna · 23/07/2023 00:23

It's good that they don't live together - OP has her own home and independence. She doesn't have to have a man there all the time and put up with him rolling in pissed or lolling around being annoying. She can just send him to his own home - Sounds like a good arrangement.

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A rather jaded view that probably reflects more on your choice of partner I’m guessing.
Set your sights higher and find someone who doesn’t roll in pissed or spend their days lolling around 🙃

Dontcallmescarface · 23/07/2023 01:53

Mumtothreegirlies · 23/07/2023 00:28

What I meant was, if he was serious about being committed and being there for the baby he would want to live with her and the baby like normal families do. The fact he’s still living apart is a clear signal he’s not committed.

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Why are you assuming that it's him that doesn't want to live with the OP rather than the other way around. I was with DP for over 15 years before I agreed to him moving in with me. Living with someone doesn't always equal commitment.

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/07/2023 02:22

Dontcallmescarface · 23/07/2023 01:53

Why are you assuming that it's him that doesn't want to live with the OP rather than the other way around. I was with DP for over 15 years before I agreed to him moving in with me. Living with someone doesn't always equal commitment.

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#Like

whatthinkyou · 23/07/2023 03:19

I wouldn't be so angry about the lack of food.

I'd be angry that he's out and obviously getting very drunk when you're 37 weeks pregnant

What if you go into labour?

Thack · 23/07/2023 03:31

YANBU to be angry. He has been a dick tonight. See how he responds tomorrow.

If it's a one off (and you trust him in that) then I'd draw a line under it. I am not excusing him, but this is a big time of change for him too. A final blow of steam and realising that he's crossed a line might be beneficial in the long run. Hopefully it prompts him to respect you more and take responsibility.

Thatboymum · 23/07/2023 03:35

I can’t believe people are saying yanbu as you most certainly are , the pregnancy is irrelevant it’s not an excuse for very clearly being a controlling or insecure? partner. You aren’t his mum are you why does he need to promise you he will be home at x time and keep reporting back to you? If he felt he needed to lie then I’d be having a long hard look at myself and why my partner felt he had to lie to me to spend time away from me. Also the agreeing he would bring you food was obv just to control him into coming home. I think you come across as a bit narcissistic and your plan to make him feel shit for daring to enjoy himself has backfired as your now stuck at your house miserable and he’s got what he wanted and can relax and enjoy his night and go back to his as he pleases

SomeOfThesePostsAreRidiculous · 23/07/2023 03:38

What do you think he is actually doing?
Be realistic.

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/07/2023 03:39

I see that the MRA's have found the thread!!