Page 7 | dp told me he’ll be an hour, it’s been 7

aibuow · 2023-07-22T22:05:12+00:00

My partner told me he’s going for a few pints with a mate after work and that he’ll only be about an hour. I texted him earlier and he told me was still at work but leaving soon to meet his friend at the pub, I caught him lying and basically he had already left work and was already at the pub. The reason he lied was because he wanted longer at the pub so wanted to say he was still at work, if that makes any sense? I got super mad at him for lying, because that’s not what we do. I told him I don’t mind how long he is just don’t lie to me. We sorted it, it’s fine. Then we plan to get a takeaway and he promises to bring it home to me. At this point it’s 8pm he’s been out since 4 I’m super agitated but didn’t want to express it because he can do what he wants. He then rings me to tell me the absolute latest he’ll be home is 10pm it’s now 11. He’s been out 7 hours after promising he’ll only be an hour and bring us dinner. I would like to add I’m 37 weeks pregnant. I got really angry and rung him basically told him to fuck off and to go to his own house. (We have our own houses but do be with each other in either house every night) I’ve ordered myself dinner as he can do one. Id like to add he never does this, and rarely goes out he’s been so good to me throughout my pregnancy and likes to stay with me. AIBU?

BHRK · 23/07/2023 21:14

Why didn’t you just order yourself a takeaway? Honestly, I don’t get this.
there’s a few nights I’ve told my partner I’ll be an hour then rolled in later than expected. He hasn’t batted an eyelid. Because I’m an adult and he trusts me. When he’s down the same I’ve just got myself food and enjoyed my own programmes on Netflix.
I also think you’re being ridiculous and immature

CrazyArmadilloLady · 23/07/2023 21:39

The OP hasn’t been back, so it’s really just everyone arguing amongst themselves for her entertainment.

thatsn0tmyname · 23/07/2023 21:41

So he popped out, then he stayed out and now he's out out.

A303 · 23/07/2023 22:50

He came home, went out.
came back, put his left leg in.
then took it out again.
Then his right leg. In, out, in, out
Then he shook it all about.

now he’s gone out to get some hake (fish night) and some coke.

it’s Hake and Cokey night.

VictoriaVenkman · 24/07/2023 12:44

OP?

WildUnchartedWaters · 24/07/2023 13:09

BHRK · 23/07/2023 21:14

Why didn’t you just order yourself a takeaway? Honestly, I don’t get this.
there’s a few nights I’ve told my partner I’ll be an hour then rolled in later than expected. He hasn’t batted an eyelid. Because I’m an adult and he trusts me. When he’s down the same I’ve just got myself food and enjoyed my own programmes on Netflix.
I also think you’re being ridiculous and immature

Agreed

WildUnchartedWaters · 24/07/2023 13:11

Kugela · 23/07/2023 11:58

Make sure that you give the baby your surname rather than his, as he doesn’t sound like he’s ready for parenthood.

But Op who is incapable of making her own tea is?
Okay

Watchkeys · 24/07/2023 13:26

I don't understand why people are saying that OP is incapable of/should have ordered her own dinner. Is that what you do when your partner is on their way home with your dinner? Order your dinner from the takeaway? Or would you wait for your partner to arrive?

GrinAndVomit · 24/07/2023 13:30

Watchkeys · 24/07/2023 13:26

I don't understand why people are saying that OP is incapable of/should have ordered her own dinner. Is that what you do when your partner is on their way home with your dinner? Order your dinner from the takeaway? Or would you wait for your partner to arrive?

I think they’re just looking for an argument.

Overlyanxious · 24/07/2023 13:36

I think all he needed to do was send a quick text to say he was staying out and for her to sort her dinner out. The issue isn't that he's out it's that he is being really inconsiderate. I would be annoyed as well. You wouldn't tell a friend or a family member you were coming over with dinner and then not turn up without telling them so why is it ok to do it to your partner.

Thatboymum · 24/07/2023 14:22

Overlyanxious · 24/07/2023 13:36

I think all he needed to do was send a quick text to say he was staying out and for her to sort her dinner out. The issue isn't that he's out it's that he is being really inconsiderate. I would be annoyed as well. You wouldn't tell a friend or a family member you were coming over with dinner and then not turn up without telling them so why is it ok to do it to your partner.

That is all he needed to do in a normal relationship but he obviously felt like he couldn’t do that which leads you to read into it that op has form for being controlling and making him feel like he’s not allowed to be out and this isn’t a normal relationship so he couldn’t do that. I don’t think it’s great how he handled it no but I don’t think the op was great either and It seems like an unhealthy relationship

Watchkeys · 24/07/2023 14:25

@Thatboymum

That is all he needed to do in a normal relationship but he obviously felt like he couldn’t do that

So, you think that if someone fails to get in touch with you, it's because they feel they can't, rather than that they forgot or couldn't be bothered?

Pleasemrstweedie · 24/07/2023 14:55

OP, I ran your post past my DH, who said:

"He's taking the piss. Dump him."

Wouldyouguess · 24/07/2023 15:53

WildUnchartedWaters · 24/07/2023 13:09

Agreed

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Because he said he was coming home with dinner???

FlyingHighFlyingLow · 24/07/2023 17:59

BHRK · 23/07/2023 21:14

Why didn’t you just order yourself a takeaway? Honestly, I don’t get this.
there’s a few nights I’ve told my partner I’ll be an hour then rolled in later than expected. He hasn’t batted an eyelid. Because I’m an adult and he trusts me. When he’s down the same I’ve just got myself food and enjoyed my own programmes on Netflix.
I also think you’re being ridiculous and immature

Because he maintained he was coming back with the takeaway. I've also rolled in later than expected, but when its reached when I said I'd be leaving I either drop DH a text saying I'll be longer and to sort himself out, or once I'm about an hour late I'd expect a text from DH checking in that I'm ok and just still out having fun.

He's not asking to be controlling, he doesn't care I'm late and is perfectly happy and capable of sorting himself out. He just wants to check I'm ok and usually checks I've still got a safe way home and to let him know if I need a lift. He doesn't text repeatedly, and would then only text again before going to bed double-checking I definitely don't need a lift.

If I kept texting him saying leaving soon and not turning up I'd expect him to be pretty miffed at me, especially if I said I was bringing food so he didn't eat!

CrazyArmadilloLady · 24/07/2023 18:55

Watchkeys · 24/07/2023 14:25

@Thatboymum

That is all he needed to do in a normal relationship but he obviously felt like he couldn’t do that

So, you think that if someone fails to get in touch with you, it's because they feel they can't, rather than that they forgot or couldn't be bothered?

In light of these particular comments, in this particular scenario - yes, absolutely:

”Id like to add he never does this, and rarely goes out he’s been so good to me throughout my pregnancy and likes to stay with me.”

CrazyArmadilloLady · 24/07/2023 18:56

Pleasemrstweedie · 24/07/2023 14:55

OP, I ran your post past my DH, who said:

"He's taking the piss. Dump him."

Pleasemrstweedie’s husband has spoken. End the thread.

Thatboymum · 24/07/2023 19:00

Wouldyouguess · 24/07/2023 15:53

Because he said he was coming home with dinner???

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He said that to shut the control freak up and keep her happy obviously probs the same way he said he’d be an hour because it sounds like he knew an hour was all he was allowed before she’d have a tantrum. She said this is unusual as he never goes out etc well I wonder why 🫠

Cyllie33 · 24/07/2023 19:07

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/07/2023 01:01

Not true at all.

DP and I have been together 4 years and are totally committed. If it came down to it, it would be me saying "No" to us living together but we both agree that while we adore each other, out living arrangements as they are suit us. I cant stand the fact that he has the TV on all the time and can just sit watching any old shite. He cannot stand the fact that I love silence and will read or (at best) listen to audio books and radio plays while I knit or do lego. He is an extrovert who recharges by being with people and gets down if he is alone, I am an introvert who recharges by being alone and get overwhelmed if I spend too long in a loud social situation. We manage this by spending our evenings split between our own time and then 50/50 with each other. That wouldnt be any different if we had a child together.

In fact when we have spent longer than a week together we are both antsy to get back to our own spaces and routines. If it works for them who the hell are you to say that it shows a lack of commitment? I have seen many people "end up" living together through circumstances because its easier than actually deciding to, which I would argue shows less commitment than having a conversation and making an agreement about what works for their relationship best rather than following societal norms.

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100 per cent agree with this. The idea that if there isn’t a couple who live together it’s not a relationship is really exhausting. Not everyone lives in or wants a two up, two down, 2.4 children relationship. I think the dominance of that expected model (which I have never wanted for myself tho enjoy supporting my friends in) really makes people think they might be doing something wrong when they’re not!

Spanky123 · 24/07/2023 19:14

Cocoalover · 22/07/2023 23:11

No, you're not being unreasonable. I wouldn't tolerate that behaviour either. Fair enough going out for a couple of hours. He is allowed a social life, but 7 hours? When he said he'd be a few hours and bring food back for his heavily pregnant partner... that's utterly disrespectful. I would be livid personally

He's allowed a couple of hours. Gosh, you sound lovely.

Watchkeys · 27/07/2023 07:50

This thread's gone mad.

Most spouses would be pissed off if their partner was hours late when they were supposed to be bringing dinner home, OP. It really is that simple. He let himself down and he let you down.

WildUnchartedWaters · 02/08/2023 16:01

GrinAndVomit · 24/07/2023 13:30

I think they’re just looking for an argument.

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No, we just wouldnt make that arrangement in the first place. He should be able to go out without bring home at a certain time with her dinner. As a PP said he probably only said it to appease her

I cant grasp a grown adult sat thre at 10pm waiting for someone to bring them food home. Its absolutely ridiculous.

My ex used to get me to do that to ensure I'd be home at a time that suited him. No adult should be policing another adults evening out.

I'm not looking for an argument at all but the dinner thing is ridiculous.

WildUnchartedWaters · 02/08/2023 16:03

FlyingHighFlyingLow · 24/07/2023 17:59

Because he maintained he was coming back with the takeaway. I've also rolled in later than expected, but when its reached when I said I'd be leaving I either drop DH a text saying I'll be longer and to sort himself out, or once I'm about an hour late I'd expect a text from DH checking in that I'm ok and just still out having fun.

He's not asking to be controlling, he doesn't care I'm late and is perfectly happy and capable of sorting himself out. He just wants to check I'm ok and usually checks I've still got a safe way home and to let him know if I need a lift. He doesn't text repeatedly, and would then only text again before going to bed double-checking I definitely don't need a lift.

If I kept texting him saying leaving soon and not turning up I'd expect him to be pretty miffed at me, especially if I said I was bringing food so he didn't eat!

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And that is reasonable. But I somehow suspect it didnt go down like that.