dp told me he’ll be an hour, it’s been 7

[aibuow]

My partner told me he’s going for a few pints with a mate after work and that he’ll only be about an hour. I texted him earlier and he told me was still at work but leaving soon to meet his friend at the pub, I caught him lying and basically he had already left work and was already at the pub. The reason he lied was because he wanted longer at the pub so wanted to say he was still at work, if that makes any sense? I got super mad at him for lying, because that’s not what we do. I told him I don’t mind how long he is just don’t lie to me. We sorted it, it’s fine. Then we plan to get a takeaway and he promises to bring it home to me. At this point it’s 8pm he’s been out since 4 I’m super agitated but didn’t want to express it because he can do what he wants. He then rings me to tell me the absolute latest he’ll be home is 10pm it’s now 11. He’s been out 7 hours after promising he’ll only be an hour and bring us dinner. I would like to add I’m 37 weeks pregnant. I got really angry and rung him basically told him to fuck off and to go to his own house. (We have our own houses but do be with each other in either house every night) I’ve ordered myself dinner as he can do one. Id like to add he never does this, and rarely goes out he’s been so good to me throughout my pregnancy and likes to stay with me. AIBU?

What an idiot!
Hope you had a nice meal by ypurself and left him nothing.

Left with no dinner is really hyperbolic and makes me think she is the controlling one.
Unless we are to suppose she literally has no food in the house which is unlikely.

I'm going to stop posting on this thread, being subjected to this over the top b. s. the OP appears to be expressing by a deeply controlling ex, it's just bringing back bad memories.

@daisychain01 Thank you for your concern but I will be teaching my boys that they should not ever have to seek permission from another adult to see friends and enjoy their life they should be mutually respected. That a woman does not call the shots in there life and that if they ever feel so shit about making plans with friends they have to lie to somebody about them they most likely should leave that coercive controlling relationship. I have been on the flip side of this being timed when I dared to socialise, guilt tripped to come home for dinner, bombarded with texts when all I want to do is see my friends and chill out. The embarrassment I would feel telling people who knew I was rarely allowed out I need to go now because dp only allowed me an hour, if this thread was turned on it’s head and this was a man doing this to a woman it would be verging onto domestic and she would be told to leave him. She spat her dummy when her control tactics didn’t work. I hope her dp had a good night

Stop asking him how long he'll be and get him to stop telling you how long he'll be . Win win situation

I think 'an hour' was always very unrealistic if he was having a few drinks (thus not driving?) and 'picking up dinner'.

@Thatboymum You’re going to be one of those awful MIL’s, aren’t you?

Thank goodness my 3 boys have been brought up to have more respect towards their partners and families. 😇

So did he come back?

He may blame being drunk for his actions however, the lying about still being at work when he was in fact already in the pub is evidence of planned deceit .

Make sure you don’t let him derail you into an argument about whether or not he has a right to go out and spend time with his mates.

You have been clear that what you are upset about is the deliberate lying - he planned to stay out but didn’t tell you despite the opportunity to do this. Instead he compounded his lies by then making an empty promise to bring home food.

We are all just works in progress and I hope he can accept responsibility and explore why he did that- why did he feel the need to hide his true intentions? Perhaps he can work on himself and accept he behaved dishonestly and he hurt you when he did so.

I wish you luck and hope that he faces up to his shitty behaviour and apologises.

I couldn’t be bothered with all this drama. If one of us is going out after work the person at home will cook, probably enough so the person who has been out can reheat if they haven’t eaten earlier. The only time I would co-ordinate is if we both are attending separate events in the early evening and then are meeting up later for dinner or the theatre etc.

I don’t think going out is the issue- pretty normal for a few drinks to turn into 7 hours.

The issue is communication between the two of you. Why didn’t he just say “x has called I think it will be a late one- get a Deliveroo on me.”

Id like to add he never does this, and rarely goes out he’s been so good to me throughout my pregnancy and likes to stay with me.

AIBU? Obviously.

Hint - I have underlined the relevant parts.

Why do you think he didn't say 'I'm going out after work and don't know when I'll get home, sort your own dinner'?

Because whether YANBU or are BU depends on that really.

Lying dickhead - YANBU
Got carried away - YAB a bit U
Guilted into agreeing to an hour - YABU

Gosh - at 37 weeks, DH wasn’t drinking any alcohol in case we had to do the hospital run.

I hope you are getting some decent explanations off him this morning OP. Don't accept a partner being a liar and unreliable, even for one evening.

I texted him earlier /// I caught him lying /// I got super mad at him for lying /// I’m super agitated but didn’t want to express it because he can do what he wants /// I got really angry and rung him basically told him to fuck off ///

Seriously, this is way too much drama for an isolated incident! Ask yourself, why did he lie? Maybe because he didn't want to upset you and didn't dare to tell you that he wants to stay with them longer? And ask yourself, why didn't he come home earlier after being chastised for lying, why didn't bring food as promised and got drunk with his mate instead? It seems like a passive-aggressive reaction, he probably must be dreading your controlling behaviour and angry outbursts, so he choses to lie and make false promises, just to appease you.

My ex did exactly this to me when I was 35 weeks pregnant two weeks in a row. It's like them refusing to grow up or something as the baby is so close?!
(He then was nasty to me all weekend and when I told him on Monday I was still upset about what he said he stormed off and left me. Not a joke we are still broken up baby is 6m old now- perhaps your man is trying to pick a fight too )

Make sure that you give the baby your surname rather than his, as he doesn’t sound like he’s ready for parenthood.

Give her a break she is very very pregnant even if that's true he should be looking after her not out getting wasted

Seriously, this is way too much drama for an isolated incident

Definitely agree.

Give her a break she is very very pregnant even if that's true he should be looking after her not out getting wasted

Pregnant, not disabled and in need of round the clock care... he is allowed to do things for himself, he does not need to be constantly looking after her with every spare moment he gets after work.

Pregnant woman on MN complaining (usually rightly) about their OH doing something they disapprove of are nearly always 37 weeks.

It's very weird

That's awful, @Unexpectedlysinglemum. I think you are right about some men looking to pick a fight so that they have the excuse to do something that they actually know is pretty poor, or in your case really bloody appalling.

oh Diddums, he wasn't feeling panicked and worried when he was DTD was he

Good god, what a bizarre thing to say.

I don't understand men. I don't understand why they dont just say I'm going out and I wont be home til late. Dont wait up.
That's fine.
Why do all this carry on which leaves women more annoyed than they would have been in the first place?! I dont get it.

I agree