Page 2 | dp told me he’ll be an hour, it’s been 7

aibuow · 2023-07-22T22:05:12+00:00

My partner told me he’s going for a few pints with a mate after work and that he’ll only be about an hour. I texted him earlier and he told me was still at work but leaving soon to meet his friend at the pub, I caught him lying and basically he had already left work and was already at the pub. The reason he lied was because he wanted longer at the pub so wanted to say he was still at work, if that makes any sense? I got super mad at him for lying, because that’s not what we do. I told him I don’t mind how long he is just don’t lie to me. We sorted it, it’s fine. Then we plan to get a takeaway and he promises to bring it home to me. At this point it’s 8pm he’s been out since 4 I’m super agitated but didn’t want to express it because he can do what he wants. He then rings me to tell me the absolute latest he’ll be home is 10pm it’s now 11. He’s been out 7 hours after promising he’ll only be an hour and bring us dinner. I would like to add I’m 37 weeks pregnant. I got really angry and rung him basically told him to fuck off and to go to his own house. (We have our own houses but do be with each other in either house every night) I’ve ordered myself dinner as he can do one. Id like to add he never does this, and rarely goes out he’s been so good to me throughout my pregnancy and likes to stay with me. AIBU?

Jk987 · 23/07/2023 03:39

You say this is very rare and he hardly goes out. Why did he feel the need to say he's only going for an hour and dig a hole for himself? I'd hate it if I went for a drink with my friend and had to clock watch and be home after just an hour! Would you honestly have minded if he said he'd be out all evening?

As for the dinner, you don't need to wait for anyone to bring it, you could have got something much earlier in the evening.

Jk987 · 23/07/2023 03:44

Thatboymum · 23/07/2023 03:35

I can’t believe people are saying yanbu as you most certainly are , the pregnancy is irrelevant it’s not an excuse for very clearly being a controlling or insecure? partner. You aren’t his mum are you why does he need to promise you he will be home at x time and keep reporting back to you? If he felt he needed to lie then I’d be having a long hard look at myself and why my partner felt he had to lie to me to spend time away from me. Also the agreeing he would bring you food was obv just to control him into coming home. I think you come across as a bit narcissistic and your plan to make him feel shit for daring to enjoy himself has backfired as your now stuck at your house miserable and he’s got what he wanted and can relax and enjoy his night and go back to his as he pleases

This is what I think too! When you're in a relationship, you shouldn't have to answer to the other person. Do you check his phone too?

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/07/2023 03:45

.

CrazyArmadilloLady · 23/07/2023 03:45

Id like to add he never does this, and rarely goes out he’s been so good to me throughout my pregnancy and likes to stay with me.

Did everyone miss this part?

He wanted to meet his mate for a couple of drinks.

He never does this.

He rarely goes out.

He’s been so good to the OP throughout her pregnancy.

He likes to stay with her.

He fancied a couple of drinks with a buddy, a few weeks before baby is due - and everything will change.

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just say, ‘that sounds like a nice evening, enjoy, see you later’.

That’s what my DH would say to me…. That’s what I would say to him. I am not some ‘cool wife’ before that accusation gets levelled. 🙄 Just in a happy, mutually satisfying relationship, whereby we don’t mind if the other one goes out without us on the very odd occasion.

This is a bizarre thread that if it were about a boyfriend getting agitated and demanding his partner come home immediately from a rare night out, would be told he’s controlling, red flags, etc, etc.

And no - I didn’t miss that she’s 37 weeks pregnant. Again, I refer to the part I quoted above in bold. He sounds like the sort of guy - based on that information, from the OP’s own mouth - who’d come straight home, had she coincidentally gone into labour on the one night he goes out for a couple of drinks.

Give me my relationship over some of those being conjured up on this thread any day.

Findyourneutralspace · 23/07/2023 03:48

Ooh I’d be mad about this too. I’m usually all for a night out and not putting a time limit on it but at 37 weeks pregnant it’s time to dial it back. I think an hour was ambitious but he’s turned a few drinks after work into a sesh.
I hope he’s super apologetic in the morning.

bladebladebla1 · 23/07/2023 03:51

CrazyArmadilloLady · 23/07/2023 03:45

Id like to add he never does this, and rarely goes out he’s been so good to me throughout my pregnancy and likes to stay with me.

Did everyone miss this part?

He wanted to meet his mate for a couple of drinks.

He never does this.

He rarely goes out.

He’s been so good to the OP throughout her pregnancy.

He likes to stay with her.

He fancied a couple of drinks with a buddy, a few weeks before baby is due - and everything will change.

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just say, ‘that sounds like a nice evening, enjoy, see you later’.

That’s what my DH would say to me…. That’s what I would say to him. I am not some ‘cool wife’ before that accusation gets levelled. 🙄 Just in a happy, mutually satisfying relationship, whereby we don’t mind if the other one goes out without us on the very odd occasion.

This is a bizarre thread that if it were about a boyfriend getting agitated and demanding his partner come home immediately from a rare night out, would be told he’s controlling, red flags, etc, etc.

And no - I didn’t miss that she’s 37 weeks pregnant. Again, I refer to the part I quoted above in bold. He sounds like the sort of guy - based on that information, from the OP’s own mouth - who’d come straight home, had she coincidentally gone into labour on the one night he goes out for a couple of drinks.

Give me my relationship over some of those being conjured up on this thread any day.

Agreed. Some women on MN give us all a bad name. Pathetic really.

Jk987 · 23/07/2023 03:52

Topee · 22/07/2023 23:47

My husband wouldn’t have needed to have been told not to come home- he would have been to scared to if he’d left me hungry at 37 weeks pregnant.

😂 scared to leave you hungry! I didn't realise being pregnant prevented someone from ordering their own takeaway! Since when does being in a relationship stop you enjoying a night out with friends?

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/07/2023 03:55

Funny how you are focussing on her being mad he didnt come home when the issue is, from the OP's own words, that he lied.

She wouldnt have cared if he had said "Meeting X after work, probably going to be a late one, dont wait up". But he didnt. He lied and then lied again (said he would be home in an hour and bring a takeaway, so she waited for him). Presumably if she had eaten and he had been pissed off if he had brought the food she would be accused of not trusting him.

The time difference is giving you away my dears.

RainbowGiraffes · 23/07/2023 03:58

He didn't say he was having a noght out though, did he? He said he was coming back and bringing food home. Why would OP order her own food if she's expecting him to come back with a takeaway to share, because that's what he told her he was doing?

Totally different if he'd said "I'm out for the evening, I'll see you tomorrow".

First he lied that he was at work still, then lied about when he'd be back with dinner so she was waiting around and many takeaways may have been closed by the time it became apparent he had no intention to come back with dinner like he said he was going to.

It's really childish behaviour, not befitting a supposed grown up who is about to become a parent.

SheSaidHummingbird · 23/07/2023 04:11

"I got super mad at him for lying, because that’s not what we do"

Beg to differ.

smilesup · 23/07/2023 05:19

Lol at the MRAs are they all one person? Or do they all come together as a little group egging each other on?

WhereTheSuburbsMeetUttoxeter · 23/07/2023 05:35

What's an MRA?

WhichEllie · 23/07/2023 05:38

smilesup · 23/07/2023 05:19

Lol at the MRAs are they all one person? Or do they all come together as a little group egging each other on?

Probably a bit of both. Typically they have Discord groups that they’ll post links in. There‘s been a few threads started by them lately too. It seems to come in waves.

Dontsparethehorses · 23/07/2023 05:41

If he hadn’t said I’ll be one hour but said he was going out for the eve OP what would you have said?

for me the issue isn’t that he went out it is that he lied several times which meant OP couldn’t plan / enjoy her evening including eating!

Zonder · 23/07/2023 06:03

Thatboymum · 23/07/2023 03:35

I can’t believe people are saying yanbu as you most certainly are , the pregnancy is irrelevant it’s not an excuse for very clearly being a controlling or insecure? partner. You aren’t his mum are you why does he need to promise you he will be home at x time and keep reporting back to you? If he felt he needed to lie then I’d be having a long hard look at myself and why my partner felt he had to lie to me to spend time away from me. Also the agreeing he would bring you food was obv just to control him into coming home. I think you come across as a bit narcissistic and your plan to make him feel shit for daring to enjoy himself has backfired as your now stuck at your house miserable and he’s got what he wanted and can relax and enjoy his night and go back to his as he pleases

Just wow. So you wouldn't mind being lied to, being told he's bringing you dinner soon when he clearly isn't? Being told he will be home soon then he's not?

Some people have a low bar in relationships. I hope most people at least want mutual respect.

daisychain01 · 23/07/2023 06:26

The reason he lied was because he wanted longer at the pub so wanted to say he was still at work, if that makes any sense?

why are you with a compulsive liar, @aibuow who would rather be down the pub with his mates, and would rather be out while his pg partner who he said he was going to come back with dinner, is waiting at home on their own.

no matter what the cool folk on MN like @Thatboymum say that this is perfectly acceptable behaviour and you should have sorted yourself out, this is just beyond selfish and quite frankly utterly inept and useless. I dread if @Thatboymum is teaching their DS to treat their life partner like that, another generation of useless fkwits, oh the joy!

your saving grace is that you live separately. Please please keep it like that, it will only get worse if that's what he's like now. He's just practicing so he can be even more feckless and irresponsible after your baby arrives.

Sweetpea1532 · 23/07/2023 06:33

MRA=Men's Rights Advocate @WhereTheSuburbsMeetUttoxeter

Emmamoo89 · 23/07/2023 06:37

Yanbu x

GrinAndVomit · 23/07/2023 06:45

Ordinarily, this wouldn’t be an issue. We’ve all gone out, been having a great time and then not wanted to go home as early as we first thought we would.

But

He’s promised to bring you food. You’re relying on him. I’d be really, really annoyed.

generalexpert · 23/07/2023 06:55

Man goes to pub and has a few too many once in 8 months.

Doesn't sound like the worst of crimes.

Doesn't sound like a trend.

He got a bit carried away. Forgive him and enjoy the rest of your weekend.

Jigslaw · 23/07/2023 06:55

Doesn't sound controlling or unreasonable to me:

I told him I don’t mind how long he is just don’t lie to me.

Im super agitated but didn’t want to express it because he can do what he wants.

He could have just said I'm not sure how long I'll be, get yourself some dinner and I'll see you when home either before he went or whilst out instead of lying about being at work or saying I'll be back at x time. The fact some people have such low standards never ceases to amaze.

rwalker · 23/07/2023 06:56

He wanted a few hours with his mate so he took the path of least resistance and lied rather than ask permission

Morewineplease10 · 23/07/2023 07:03

Why would op order herself food when someone has explicitly said they're on their way home to her with food?

It's not him being out, it's the 'I'll be home soon' and then not! It's really not rocket science...

My ex used to do this all tge time. It got less frequent over the years but every so often he'd do it spectacularly.

Morechocmorechoc · 23/07/2023 07:08

He should not be having a few pints at 37 weeks. You could go into labour any time. As for leaving you without dinner....not acceptable. Lying, deal breaker.

supersop60 · 23/07/2023 07:24

How are things this morning OP?