Am I being petty not letting father come to 20 week scan?

[Bunny1987]

I have just left the father of my unborn child and wanted some advice on letting him come to the 20 week scan next week.

Since my pregnancy he has not really looked after me, I have felt pretty much alone.

I have had various visits to hospital with worrying bleeds and it was only last week I was finally diagnosed with cervical ectropion.

I find it really painful to walk due to the pressure on my pelvis and today we had agreed that he would give me a lift to do food shopping as I had no food in the house.

Next thing he is asking if I mind him going to a festival with his brother as he has not seen his brother for a month.

I has to walk in the rain and carry heavy bags of groceries.

The issue is not him going out with his brother, it’s the fact that he knows I am in pain when I walk and he just left knowing I had no food in the house.

I have told him he is not welcome to the scan and we are finished and I will just do my own thing and I will let him know when the baby is born .

This is not a one off issue as I am not that petty but I feel I would be better of alone and I dont feel it’s fair that he gets to come to a scan when I have been pretty much alone these last months.

Advice appreciated please x

I know it hard but just know you are not obligated to listen to him in regards to both your baby having his surname, I wouldn't over think about it and you have removed yourself from him, he can't force you to.

Well, just say no. He can demand whatever he likes, but unless you get married in the next 5 months it's all hot air. Even if he did get his shit together sufficiently to apply for a court order, it'd only be a double barrel.

@Bunny1987 when you register the birth the registrar will give you final say on the surname

I think you need to look in the mirror and realise that you are not always correct, this time you was wrong, so keep quoting me on assumptions and false information, just know from now you are getting ignored 🙂

You sound about 9.

But really, I'm correcting you for the sake of other people who might believe you, not because of how you feel about it. There's enough Dunning Kruger on the internet already.

Wow he sounds awful. I have the shudders just from reading that. Can't even imagine what it would be like to have this arrogant, condescending man lecturing me while I have a speculum in. You don't have to let this man use your pregnancy to victimise you just because a lot of women in the internet said you should.

A birth cert is primarily a legal document to record that a birth has take place and to be used for issues such as citizneship/nationality, benefits, registration at school etc etc.
It can record the name of the father (if the mother who is not married or in a civil partnership so wishes) but it is well known that not all men named on birth certificates are in fact the biological fathers....
So it is a red herring.
Ultimately the OP needs to decide whether she wants to take the risk that he can easily continue to gaslight and mess her around just because he can.

If he changes and becomes a brilliant Co parent she can still involve him in decisions. Unfortunately there is no mechanism to take parental responsibility of a father who is primarily minded to cause chaos amd drama and playbpower games.

Well it sounds like you will just have to pay attention when the birth happens so that he doesn't get hold of the paperwork first and put his name as the baby's surname.

Fortunately he can't, as they aren't married.

Birth registration is the process of recording a child's birth. It is a permanent and official record of a child's existence, and provides legal recognition of that child's identity. At a minimum, it establishes a legal record of where the child was born and who his or her parents are.
So guess you needed correcting and I wasn't spreading false information you was , a 9 year old has more sense than you. Now I won't respond to you anymore

Honestly, he sounds like a right dickhead. There's reasons for and against putting him on the birth certificate which lots of people have mentioned.

However, if you've decided to have him on the certificate and if one was to assume he is going to step up and be a good dad to the baby - you are both parents and both want baby to have your name. That's why double-barelling exists. Would that not be a good compromise?

He can't put his name down or just go amd register the baby.....unless they are married.
If unmarried the mother can decide to either register the child by herself or can take him along to have him registered as the father.
In theory if she registers the birth by herself he can go to court for an order to be registered as the parent and to have the birth cert changed - but that is fairly expensive and not very common except for extremely complex situations.

Gosh, you aren't doing very well at ignoring.

Birth certificate registration in the UK first of all doesn't require both parents to be listed. A child is no more or less registered if just the mother is listed than with both parents. So no, it doesn't necessarily establish who a child's parents are.

Then when both parents actually are listed, there are no checks as to whether the man listed actually is the father. Indeed, there's more than one definition of father that might be applicable. Biological? Legal?

People who are capable of thinking about the issue at higher than Key Stage 1 level might be interested in the link below from Rights Of Women, which talks about the legal presumption in E and W that a married woman's husband is the biological father of her baby.

https://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-information/family-law/parental-responsibility/

Obviously in reality that doesn't always happen, so you can have a situation where the legal and biological fathers are different people.

Oh he's growing it in HIS uterus is he? He'll be giving birth to it and doing 50% of the work and paying 50% of the costs then too won't he? Except that oh wait no of course he fucking wont. If the kids lucky he'll take them to McDonald's every Saturday and pay the bare minimum child maintenance, until the dad finds himself a shiny new family he's more interested in.

Go scale a building dressed as Batman.

You can't just rock up at a registery office and tell them a baby has been born. You need the info from the hospital and if unmarried the mother must be present.
Everyone is giving the op such stupid false information.
Op I've literally been in your exact position a few months ago and registered my baby with my surname without his father being present - fathers name is not currently on the bc (couldn't have signed on his behalf even if I wanted to as unmarried woman) but was reassured it's a very easy process to add him on if me or baby wants him on there later, I just need to make another appointment and go back,

He cannot demand anything at all from you, you have all the day here. Don't enter into any discussion about this now you've made your decision he doesn't have to like it but don't waste your energy going back and forth with him.

Honestly your health doesn't sound great here I really recommend letting him know you need some space so please don't contact you on your phone but you'll provide email updates on progression of pregnancy, then block him on your phone and find some peace and quiet for yourself. Arguing with him is so bad for you.

I agree

It's only her lifestyle that's having to change at all and only her health. She feels very alone right now give her a break. The 'child'
Currently is a body part in her internal organs not his .

But you don't get the privilege of the big movements without owning up to the responsibilities of the small less glam every day moments like helping the woman carry your child with shopping and not staying out all night worrying her

I mean good luck making YOUR child by YOUR self.

There’s no fee for the re-registration. If you need a new birth certificate the fee for each certificate is £11.

To apply for a re-registration, both parents should complete the relevant form(s) below and either send to the address on the form(s)

Wow really sorry!
Please can you tell us more about the situation? What the court say/do?

@AnoyDad2023

Love how men think ejaculating in the right spot makes them an equal parent. So cute.

OP's ex is already a shit father. If he wants anything resembling 'equal' standing to the woman who is carrying his baby in her body (you know, the one he CBF driving to the shops) then he needs to step up and stop being so selfish.

OP has every right to complete the paperwork however she feels comfortable. She's doing all the heavy lifting here, and is likely to have to carry on that way.

OP, I'd name him on the BC - but do not give the baby his surname. Don't engage with him other than brief updates on the baby. I wouldn't have him at the birth either, given how stressed and upset he makes you, but you'll see how you feel at the time.

That is literally impossible for him to do.