Am I being petty not letting father come to 20 week scan?

[Bunny1987]

I have just left the father of my unborn child and wanted some advice on letting him come to the 20 week scan next week.

Since my pregnancy he has not really looked after me, I have felt pretty much alone.

I have had various visits to hospital with worrying bleeds and it was only last week I was finally diagnosed with cervical ectropion.

I find it really painful to walk due to the pressure on my pelvis and today we had agreed that he would give me a lift to do food shopping as I had no food in the house.

Next thing he is asking if I mind him going to a festival with his brother as he has not seen his brother for a month.

I has to walk in the rain and carry heavy bags of groceries.

The issue is not him going out with his brother, it’s the fact that he knows I am in pain when I walk and he just left knowing I had no food in the house.

I have told him he is not welcome to the scan and we are finished and I will just do my own thing and I will let him know when the baby is born .

This is not a one off issue as I am not that petty but I feel I would be better of alone and I dont feel it’s fair that he gets to come to a scan when I have been pretty much alone these last months.

Advice appreciated please x

@SunRainStorm why is he a shit parent? Yes it's crap he didn't take her to the shop but some of that has to be on her. Online delivery, Deliveroo, Amazon all deliver groceries. If she's pregnant why let it get to a point you have no food. 🤷‍♀️
He wants to attend the scan, he wants to be involved.
The OP is deciding he can't because he didn't drive her to a shop 🙄

Read the thread.

He lived with her for two years without contributing to a bill or rent.

He is complaining about a lack of sex to her- even though they are broken up.

He's out drinking and not answering his phone.

He's bullying her about the baby's name.

He hasn't offered her a penny or bought a single thing for the baby.

He's dismissive of her concerns about bleeding and the pregnancy complications, yet has no problem sharing her personal medical information with his brother despite being told not to.

He made a commitment to her in relation to the food shop and then broke it. Obviously deliveroo etc are options- but if I'd offered to help someone with their grocery shop then pulled out I'd be offering to pay for deliveroo or similar for them- not just fucking off as though I had no responsibilities at all.

I hope he turns out to be a not-shit parent- but it's not looking good is it?

Some posters are being deliberately unhelpful Op, it's not the shopping that's the real issue, it's the total lack of support that's the important issue. Basically he wants to be a Father but not a parent, he was happy to live off you for 2 years, he thinks you should cook and run his baths, he let you go to a&e alone, there is nothing to suggest he will be a good parent, absolutely nothing.
He probably doesn't believe you've really broken up with him so you're going to have to be firm, only talk about what the baby needs, don't engage with anything else. If after baby is born he steps up then all well and good but don't let him just have the easy bits, it's no good for you or your DC if he won't be a responsable parent

@AnoyDad2023

its just a turn of phrase, often depending on where you live. Calm your jets, preferably on Reddit.

He can't. As they are not married. Ffs.

@Bunny1987 he can 'demand' whatever he wants but he has absolutely no say at all in what name you give your baby.

And it should be your name. You will be raising this child. That much is obvious.

Yes, the scan is tomorrow and I’m quite nervous about it.

He very much has the attitude of “ well without me there would be no baby so I have every right to come”.

But forgets the time when I was in hospital and he was busy getting drunk & partying with his brother.

He has accused me of trying to come in between him and his brother, before I got pregnant he would be out Friday and Saturday night with his brother (who is a DJ) and this has been the case for years.

Apparently travelling to the gigs with his brother is the only time he gets to see him as his brother has his own kids.

It still isn’t about me or supporting me just his own selfish needs, I have just text him again he is not welcome to the scan tomorrow.

Im the one who has been sat in A and E alone at 4am in the morning on my own.

Im the one who has paid for private scan’s so I don’t see what right he has coming to the 20 week scan where I have been going through things on my own and for him to tell me “bleeding is normal”.

Im trying to plan ahead and working two jobs as I’m trying to save enough money as I can so I don’t have to rely on him for anything.

Best of luck with it all OP.

Best of luck with the scan today, OP.

Make sure he knows he won't be invited to the birth either, and you'll just notify him afterwards so he can visit them. Absolutely do not give the baby his name. You can register them by yourself. Book the appointment soon after the birth as it can take a while - we had a 7 week wait as there were no appointments.

Gotta love mumsnet double standards. Theres been threads before where the DH really wants to come to the scan but has accidentally missed it by getting stuck in traffic or held up at work. He's been absolutely slated from left to right and called every name under his sun. Now this DP has actively chosen to go to a festival with his brother rather than attend the scan and everyone's giving OP a hard time implying she's a martyr, not independent, needs to pull her big girl pants up etc.

Anyone would think this site had shitloads of posters who don't all think the same thing.

Anyone would think this site had shitloads of posters who don't all think the same thing.

@StormShadow I was clearly talking about the majority 🙄

You didn't say that, but it wouldn't make any more sense if you had. There are loads of posters on MN and some of them disagreeing with each other doesn't equate to hypocrisy. For that point to stand, you'd need to show that a majority said one thing on one thread and another on the other.

@StormShadow I get what you're saying but it seems to be something you pick up on when reading other threads. Like when people say "mumsnet seem to hate weddings" or the recent thread "mumsnet seem to dislike non drivers". It's the consensus that's built up from lots of similar opinions rather than talking about a hive minders such. And on this thread particular it seems like OP is getting a hard time when her DP seems pretty useless.

Best of luck on your scan today, OP.