To feel like I hate her

[Notfeelinghunkydory]

Had an absolute nightmare year. Eldest started Y7 in September and since then we have been dealing with school avoidance due to anxiety. Her attendance ended on 64% with half of that at school but not in lessons. She admitted tonight the past couple of weeks off was because she didn't want to walk to school!!! It's a 20 minute walk! I have been so stressed out and had my antidepressants upped in February when I was signed off with stress due to her school avoidance. I have been signed off again. I'm suffering the physical signs of stress and feel numb all the time. Saw the education officer twice in all that time. Pastoral staff at school have been as helpful as they can be. She's having CBT through mind but has only had a couple of sessions. I have begged Social Services for help as I'm having a nervous breakdown. I feel like I hate her and just looking at her is difficult after everything she has put me through. I don't know how I can get through the holidays but I have my younger child to think of. I dont want to do anythingwith her. I'm dreading September already as I know its all going to happen again.

If there is any any any way you can reconnect, even just tv, a board game, shopping, baking, the stuff you probably delighted at when she was young then go for it, I know it’s so hard (we got a phone call this year to say they had to contact ss as our son was out so often and I spent months freaking out), but when it all comes down to it what really really matters in life? She needs you and you need her x

Going to a sports day does not mean you dont have anxiety fs. In the same way as having depression doesnt mean you lie in bed all day.
I agree about the boundaries.

Aye l did.

What do you do that you know so much about it? Obviuosly some high flyer🥱

🤣
I cant think why you struggled accessing services, you're so lovely.

Is the dad not taking anytime to spend with her over the summer holidays? I would drop her off and not go back for at least a week. You need a break sounds like she is playing you if anxious about noise at school how did she keep with sports day !
I have a child who I drive to school everyday as she gets anxious about school doing chit chat to stop her gettinv in her head and worrying too much before the day starts. She got bullied and has no real friends could go all day talking to no one.
It is hard but you can't help till your I a better place

Compliment shared dearie.

They are going to his for a week in August

😘

Ha ha ha ha ha…”no anxiety” proved by Sports Day and trip ?? My DD went to Barcelona (still had undiagnosed Autism / ADHD and related anxiety)
“no SEN seen by mum or school” you do realise neither OP or School are trained to diagnose SEN
”no self harm” self harm takes many forms, it’s not just cutting yourself with razor blades.

The number of people who think the way to deal with additional needs in young people is to turn off the internet, is laughable.

Quite. Perhaps someone could tell Lewis Capaldi or Jesy Nelson.

School won't provide work for her to do at home I've asked several times

Ultimately it is the LA with the duty to provide education for CSA pupils unable to attend school full time, rather than the school.

If you are refused an EHCNA or the LA refuses to issue an EHCP, don’t bother with mediation. Just get the certificate and submit to SENDIST. LAs use mediation as a delaying tactic. If they are going to concede, they will do so regardless of whether you actively partake in mediation or just get the certificate and submit to SENDIST.

Christ, don't you just love these threads where randoms start arguing with each other and totally derail the OP's thread.

it's just because she can't be arsed to go to school.

Some of your posts are really difficult to read.

You recognise your own MH issues but won’t recognise your DDs much worse issues.

You need to change your mind set and realise just how crippling anxiety can be.
Imagine how you are feeling then times it by 10.
Getting mad at her or calling her a liar etc is not helping.

It’s not going to be an easy fix because anxiety doesn’t work by just doing it and getting over it.
My DD has anxiety and is physically sick and has ended up in hospital before over it.
Think of it as though you’re training for a marathon. It’s going to take time until she’s ready to go back to school FT without issues.

I would sit down and make a plan for September (if a trusted staff member can be there then even better).
Give her a lot of say in this plan.

Put this plan on the wall and get her to think of what rewards she can if she follows this plan.

We have students who start later/finish earlier or have free time in a calm room at the end of the day or during breaks etc.

If she does not go into school, she will be expected to complete her school work at home and there will be no phone or Wi-Fi until after the school day.

She needs to wake up every morning and get changed into her uniform and not take it off until home time (whether she goes in or not).

Getting her into the routine of getting up, dressed and doing school work will make the transition to actual school so much easier.

I have students who are allowed to stay home and stay in their PJs playing PlayStation all day and so of course they don’t want to come to school where they have to do actual work and follow rules.

If the walking to school is giving her too much anxiety then I’d look into make the biggest change there.
Can your work be flexible with your start times for a few weeks?
Can you see how much a taxi would be?

The mornings will always be the worst and I do think getting over this barrier will make it easier.

I’m not struggling to access anything🤷🏻‍♀️maybe some nice weather.

Oh bless you. You already responded to me but went away to think up that witty one liner.
Do you intend on derailing any further?a page full of silly comments because I suggested your advice wasnt good. Quite concerning behaviour.

This

No. You end up having to fight and complain at every step.
If it was a physical illness would you just 'accept that treatment isn't an option'?

She's not telling her daughter she hated her. She's coking to an anonymous forum to vent. Don't be so dense.

You're the dense one if you think the child hasnt worked it out.
People who think people only post online but behave like mary Poppins the rest of the time. Beyond me.

Sorry OP but you are going to have to fight for an assessment.

Everything I am reading here says ASD. They find the noise and business of mainstream schools overwhelming, too noisy etc

Don't be so ridiculous. Refusing school for nebulous reasons is in no way the same as a child who physically can't walk.

You need to tell the school and social services that she's expressing suicidal ideation. If she makes a threat, you may have to call her bluff and call 999. Even if she's just being manipulative (which you can never be sure of) it will help make CAMHS take her mental health more seriously.

You write a letter of request to your Local Authority, preferably to the head of Children's services.

Here is a template letter and more advice on how to go about that.

https://www.ipsea.org.uk/making-a-request-for-an-ehc-needs-assessment

Nebulous reasons?
Honestly, the medical professionals follow a year plus pathway to diagnosis SEN such as ASD, based on repeated observations of the child by different people in different contexts.
You are in no way qualified or familiar enough with OP's daughter to write off her difficulties as nebulous.
The OP desperately needs someone who is qualified and familiar enough with her daughter to make that decision. Unfortunately, that is something she will need to fight tooth and nail for.
Also your use of 'nebulous' as in wishy washy/hazy.. the medical profession are am long way past viewing ASD and other invisible disabilities in this way. The neuro differences are easily observed in brain scans etc. It's as real as cancer or blindness. But have a gold star for using a big word.

I find I now get anxiety about my child's school anxiety. It was horrendous

Yep, like a vicious circle.