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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel like I hate her

235 replies

Notfeelinghunkydory · 21/07/2023 22:09

Had an absolute nightmare year. Eldest started Y7 in September and since then we have been dealing with school avoidance due to anxiety. Her attendance ended on 64% with half of that at school but not in lessons. She admitted tonight the past couple of weeks off was because she didn't want to walk to school!!! It's a 20 minute walk! I have been so stressed out and had my antidepressants upped in February when I was signed off with stress due to her school avoidance. I have been signed off again. I'm suffering the physical signs of stress and feel numb all the time. Saw the education officer twice in all that time. Pastoral staff at school have been as helpful as they can be. She's having CBT through mind but has only had a couple of sessions. I have begged Social Services for help as I'm having a nervous breakdown. I feel like I hate her and just looking at her is difficult after everything she has put me through. I don't know how I can get through the holidays but I have my younger child to think of. I dont want to do anythingwith her. I'm dreading September already as I know its all going to happen again.

OP posts:
lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 23/07/2023 23:09

I don't think anyone who hasn't had personal experience of having a child who struggles with school can understand this.
Taking their phone off them and punishments in general have absolutely no effect. They are being punished for something that they don't feel able to cope with.

They aren't being lazy or belligerent. My DD hated herself for not being able to go into school. They are not having a fun time at all and certainly aren't enjoying the days at home. In most cases, they are isolated and anxious and hate being different from their peers.

The last 3 years have been the hardest of mine and my DDs life -all connected to anxiety around school. Multiple hospital admissions and whole years of school missed. But I have also learnt a lot too and we have a good relationship now.

For anyone who is struggling with this I would suggest reading this.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Cant-Not-Wont-Couldnt-School/dp/1839975202/ref=mpssa111?adgrpid=143739566392&hvadid=633419734299&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9045889&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=18395785227293554952&hvtargid=kwd-1902249313402&hydadcr=13719_2323659&keywords=cant+not+wont+book&qid=1690149971&sr=8-1

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 23/07/2023 23:20

Just to add. I wouldn't advise waiting for the school to make an EHCP request. I waited for a year for them to make up their minds and then they didn't. I did it myself and you have much more control over the process if it's you that started it. It's good to have the school's backing in the application but I would do it yourself. Anything on headed paper from CAMHS etc is valuable. My DD eventually got a diagnosis of ASD which was a relief and explained a lot.. but everyone requires a lot of pushing. It's like a full time job.. but worth it.

Qwaszx · 23/07/2023 23:37

Been there. Suffered it for years. I would do everything differently if I could.

I tried to be a friend. First big fat mistake. I'm their mother. I'm in charge, not them.

Use the week in August to strip the house. Borrow a friend's garage. Life won't be so fun at home without tv, Internet, gadgets. I honestly think devices have a lot to answer for. She might prefer school.

We didn't have them as kids, any usage should be earned. And you will have to lead by example.

Set up a chore rota, pocket money can be earned by all them. Have it visable where it can't be ignored.

Say what you mean, and mean what you say. You have to choose your words carefully because you have to follow through.

It's really difficult. I did toughen up but at a later stage, and life could have been easier for all of us.

I did have some damage caused by tempers at home, but I expected that.

Pick one night a week where you all do something together. Ours was monopoly. I hate monopoly but it brought laughter round the table.

Speaking of which, eat meals together, wash up together.

You need to get tough my friend. There's bugger all help out there.

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 23/07/2023 23:40

@Qwaszx
I'm glad it worked for you.
If there is neurodivergence however this would absolutely not be the right thing to do.

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 23/07/2023 23:46

@Qwaszx

But I do agree with devices not being helpful and trying to spend time together. That said if a child is really struggling and in or close to autistic burnout then my DD didn't even make it out of bed for a year and was completely unable to communicate. A dinner together (much as I would have like that) or a game of monopoly were very far away from what was actually achievable.

KajsaKavat · 23/07/2023 23:49

I had this exact thing with my youngest too, she also started year 7 in 2022. Anxiety through the roof, she was so upset and struggled so much. But instead of hating her I tried to help her and took her out of school.
she is never going to heel if she is constantly brought back to the cause of her stress.

Qwaszx · 24/07/2023 00:05

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 23/07/2023 23:40

@Qwaszx
I'm glad it worked for you.
If there is neurodivergence however this would absolutely not be the right thing to do.

.. For your child, maybe not.

For 2 of mine, with autism, anxiety and a stressed parent, it absolutely was.

But there we go. We're all different.

Qwaszx · 24/07/2023 00:09

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 23/07/2023 23:46

@Qwaszx

But I do agree with devices not being helpful and trying to spend time together. That said if a child is really struggling and in or close to autistic burnout then my DD didn't even make it out of bed for a year and was completely unable to communicate. A dinner together (much as I would have like that) or a game of monopoly were very far away from what was actually achievable.

My oldest didn't leave his bedroom for 3 years. We worked up to dinner together and a board game.

Don't dismiss it. It was a huge achievement in this house.

Jadebanditchillipepper · 24/07/2023 00:27

I'm sorry OP, this all sounds really hard. School refusal is the pits, but it's nearly always harder for the child who is refusing school than their parent. My son is now 17. He has always hated school (well, he probably just about tolerated primary school, but once he got to secondary school, it got worse), but didn't start refusing to go until he was in year 8. In year 8, he started telling us how much he hated school how all the kids hated him and started being consistently late for school (we live about 200 yards from the school and I think that they bought his excuses about "The traffic being bad" showed their absolute disinterest because if they had bothered to check his records, they would have know than he had about a five minute walk to school).

Eventually, he started refusing to go. At this point, I was becoming more and more sure that he was autistic - he'd never been happy in school and had never really had any friends either - once he started refusing, I started walking to school with him, and waiting in reception to speak to someone about him.

They really didn't care. It was all "He behaves well and gets good marks" - well whoopee do - that's not much use if he actually hates school and is doing anything he can to get out of going - they literally didn't care that he was unhappy.

Eventually, we get to year 9, at which point he told us he wanted to change schools, so we looked into this. The new school couldn't have been more different and wondered at the outset if he could be autistic. Unfortunately, transition was delayed by lockdown and he eventually started the new school in year 10 in the September after the first lockdown.

Anyway, this is going on for ages, but to cut a long story short, he was put on the ASD waiting list, but there was an incident at school where he was assaulted at school and we ended up getting him assessed privately (I realise this isn't possible for you and I just feel so fortunate that we were able to do this). He limped through year 11 on about 60% attendance (it was absolutely horrendous and he had to be coaxed to school every day he went in - and I now feel guilty for making him go in when he was clearly hyper anxious about it, but I didn't know what else to do) and because he's naturally very clever, did well in his GCSEs.

He started sixth form at this school and from day 1, it was obvious it wasn't going to work (I don't blame the school, they had done everything they could to help him, but he just couldn't get past any classes that had the kid who assaulted him in them). We moved him to a local independent school (again, we are very lucky that we can afford this and I understand that most people can't - but actually, It is the LAs responsibility to provide schooling that a child can cope with - even if private) and he's been absolutely fine this year - it's very small school, with many neurodiverse pupils and he just feels like he fits in,

Essentially, it's likely that your dd is neurodiverse and just feels that she cannot go to school, but is unable to articulate this to you, hence the excuse of not being bothered. Please keep fighting for yourself and your dd. I sympathise because I know how massively hard it is, but however hard it us for you, it's probably 10 times worse for her.

lemonsaretheonlyfruit · 24/07/2023 00:50

@Qwaszx

I'm not dismissing it and I'm glad it worked for you. It wouldn't have worked here. As you say, different things work in different houses / families.

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