To be furious with DH (toddler accident)

[user63696369]

I am probably ABU, but I'm so angry at DH for what happened last night. NC as I've posted about this elsewhere!

Yesterday evening I asked DH to watch 15 m/o DD while I did a few jobs after her dinner. I was in the utility room when I heard him swear, and came running out into the hallway just in time to see my DD bouncing down a flight of six solid mahogany stairs. She cried straightaway, but seemed okay, although obviously I took her to be checked out (which resulted in a very late night for all of us and I have an absolute tonne of work to do today and I could really do without being completely knackered). I did call 111 first but they didn't call back until around midnight and I didn't want to put her to bed without taking advice, so we were already at the hospital.

I know kids have accidents, but this was completely preventable. He'd left some stuff on the floor she shouldn't have been able to get hold of and in the course of taking it off her and putting it back where it was, she'd run straight out into the hallway and gone flying down the stairs. I never leave doors open when I am watching her for this very reason - I also would have picked her up and relocated the items elsewhere while holding her. I'm always on at him about safety issues and I feel like he never takes me seriously. Well now I am left with the image of her bouncing down the stairs like a ragdoll and I am fucking fuming. She could have been killed or seriously injured.

AIBU to still be absolutely furious at him? He had a 9am meeting this morning but I let DD lie in as she was knackered and told him he could do the nursery drop, fill in the accident form and explain what happened - and if he was late for his meeting, that was his problem.

So as not to drip feed, I have diagnosed PTSD that arises from DD's health.

Why don't you have a stairgate for stairs/steps?

Ptsd aside re your dds health and I do hope it is nothing too serious I do think YABU.
Kids have accidents all the time at this age. I guarantee she will have an accident whilst in your care one day. I'd cut your husband a bit of slack on this one, it's not as if he did this on purpose. He sounds as upset as you are.

With toddlers you either need stairgates, or carpeted stairs alongside them being taught how to safely use stairs.

Unless you yourself have never let her in the hallway she is just as likely to fall down them when you have allowed her in the hallway. If your home isn’t suitable unless your toddler is shut in one room or being held, then why are you surprised she has had an accident?

I expect he has learnt from his mistake. He probably feels terrible. Your child WILL have preventable accidents on your watch too

I'd be annoyed as well.

I'm still mad about my DH bumping our then newborn's head on the bathroom tiles over three years ago.

If DH is taking it seriously and is genuinely sorry then I think you need to try to let it go. Accidents happen to toddlers, she's fine, he'll be more careful next time.

It's hard with PTSD though so hopefully DH understands and is supportive of how hard this has been for you.

Kindly, you’re overreacting. She will have many more accidents and you can’t be taking her to the hospital every time if she’s actually ok. I’d try to get some help for your PTSD as I think it’s making you over anxious, something you don’t want to affect your daughter or your relationship with your husband.

I was the most obsessively careful mother, yet my son had a near miss 20 years ago which could have left him with a serious head injury - I still go cold when I think about it

I can understand your frustration. But honestly, I would be looking a putting in a stair gate or similar - I wouldn’t be comfortable having stairs like that in my house with a toddler without something to stop this happening, it’s so easy to get distracted and for something like this to happen. So rather than being angry at your DH, I would find a more permanent solution.

Toddlers have accidents and unless you strap them in a buggy 24/7 you’re not going to stop it. They are learning to negotiate the world and their limitations.

My eldest fell down a full flight of stairs just as we were getting ready to go out to buy a stair gate.

Aww.. accidents happen. Your poor DH probably already feels a bit bad. I wouldn't worry. My DS has banged his head pretty hard on DH's watch twice! It's part and parcel of being a parent. Let your DH off the hook, one day it might be you who is human and is watching your DC when another accident happens, and you will want support not someone having a go. 💐

This

Kindly you are massively over reacting. One day you too will be the one in charge when she has an accident and I only hope your DH is kinder in his response than you have been. She's a child they have accidents it's nobody's fault and playing the blame game is just unkind.

This sounds like a genuine accident. I wouldn’t be mad but would put time things in to reduce the chance of it happening again.

YABU. Toddlers will have accidents and you’re both unreasonable for not installing stair gates or ensuring the stairs are carpeted .

Of course you're being unreasonable. Accidents are just that and they happen very easily. He didn't do anything particularly unreasonable, just muddled tasks slightly wrong and you'll do it one day too. How many people reading this let their baby fall off a bed?

You were also probably unreasonable for taking a perfectly fine child to hospital.

I'm sorry to hear about your PTSD, that must be very challenging. These times of incident will keep happening though, and more dramatically as she gets older so it's worth seeking help for it now.

You need a gate on the stairs if at all possible, unless you are in a block of flats and they are communal stairs (in which case doors should be firmly shut).

She could have been killed or seriously injured.

Seriously unlikely with 6 steps.
It's awful when your child has an accident but they will have accidents regularly and you can't always place blame just because it makes you feel better.

Get a stair gate, this could have been avoided.

You should have stair gates. You both bear the responsibility for not keeping your daughter safe because it could have happened to either of you.

Stair gates??
Mahongany steps and a toddler make me feel very uneasy.
I child should be able to roam free mostly! No way would I be carrying a 15month old to put items away.

Your husband is probably devastated as well. But it sounds a though your home isn't child proof and you both need to work together to make it safe.

*A child no I child

YABU

Accidents can happen on anyone’s watch.
I think keeping an eye on a child constantly is unrealistic, especially as they get older. All of mine have fallen down the stairs at one point and unless they are obviously hurt I wouldn’t bother taking them to get checked.
Also- get a stair gate and teach coming up and down the stairs safely.

Where was the room gate or stair gate?

These things happen. DD2 is 13mo and we've been teaching her go turn around and go downstairs backwards, so she can negotiate small sets of stairs quite well at this point. I think both of mine have fallen down a few stairs at some point though and I've never thought to take them to be checked over if they weren't actually showing any signs of needing it. I'm sure your husband got enough of a fright without being in the doghouse too.

Accidents happen. He didn't throw her down the stairs. And get gates. Yabu to be fuming with him

You need stairgates.

Its right that you insisted DH deals with accident forms/nursery etc.